


A Son's Destiny

by AveryWinchester



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Black Character(s), Bwwm, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death, Dark, Drug Use, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff, Infidelity, Insecurity, Interracial Relationship, Miscarriage, Mixed Race Main Character, Racism, Rape, Smut, Taking the lord's name in vain, Unplanned Pregnancy, black woman white man
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2020-07-20 15:54:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 60,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19994806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AveryWinchester/pseuds/AveryWinchester
Summary: Lena Daniels has been in love with Jax Teller for half of her life. As she finally gains his heart, an old love comes back to Charming and threatens their future. Will Lena be able to handle Tara, and Jax’s steady rise into the President’s chair with SAMCRO?





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s Note: So, this is my first Sons of Anarchy story for those of you who are fans of the show. This fic is a Dark Fic. It is set during the timeline of the entire series, but I’m not going full canon. There will be things that are actually what happened in the show, but with my own twist, and things that are not show canon. The narrative is set to fit the story itself. If you are a Tara Knowles fan, be warned, as this story may not be for you. Also please HEED the warnings. They are there for those get triggered by certain topics. I will post another warning before each chapter to give a final warning.
> 
> Also this story will be updated faster on my tumblr: xxshewritesinblacknwhite.tumblr.com

## CHAPTER ONE:

## 

_**(gif not mine)** _

It was just past midday afternoon when Lena casually made her way into the nearly empty **SAMCRO** clubhouse to start her shift for today. Waving at the other girls, or croweaters, that were already there, she tossed her purse down behind the bar. Then she grabbed a fresh apron and started preparing herself for the day. **  
**

Before Lena was ever legal, by law, to drink, she had been working the bar at the clubhouse, located right inside of the Teller-Morrow auto shop. She had been considered family since her grandfather was one of **SAMCRO’s** original Redwood patched First 9, and the clubhouse is where she spent most of her teenage to adult days. 

It was about an hour later, she had served a few regulars, that she knew were also close family and friends to the members of the MC, before she heard the familiar sounds of roaring engines pull up.

Each member of **SAMCRO** entered one by one. Then the butterflies fluttered in the pit of her stomach, when he finally walked through the door. He was dressed in that famous black kutte, with the infamous reaper patched on the back, over a plain white tee. A pair of loose fitting blue jeans barely clung to his narrow hips and fresh white sneakers adorned his feet. His mid length blonde hair laid tucked behind his ears and a pair of dark shades hid his beautiful crystal blue eyes from the world.

Jackson Nathaniel Teller made many emotions run through Lena. 85 percent of the time she wanted to slap that gorgeous cocky smirk off his face. Then there was that other 15 percent. That other 15 percent usually ended up with her panties on the floor and her legs around his waist, as he fucked her silly.

Lena had been in love with Jax since she was fifteen years old, but she had always convinced herself that he’d never feel the same way. There were always something standing in their way. Him taking the Vice President spot in his father’s MC. And of course, not to mention the other women like Tara Knowles, his high school sweetheart, and then Wendy, his wife.

It wasn’t until four months ago when Jax had kicked his now junkie ex-wife to the curb, and finally decided to take a chance with Lena.

“Hey, beautiful.” Jax approached Lena, removing his sunglasses from his face.

“Hey, you.” Lena gave him a warm smile. “You want a beer?”

He nodded, but when she turned to walk away, he grabbed her by the elbow and pulled her back toward him. He then leaned forward, cupping her face in his hands and pressing his mouth against hers.

Lena hungrily kissed him back, wrapping her arms around his waist underneath that infamous kutte.

“Alright, you two,” the sound of Clay Morrow’s voice pulled them apart. “Get a room.”

Jax smirked cheekily, throwing his arm over Lena’s shoulder. “I got one already.” He retorted to his step father and MC President, nodding over to the back of the clubhouse where the apartments resided.

“Alright, we got church.” Clay decided to ignore Jax’s teasing and stalked off towards the double doors where the Sons always held their meetings. His right hand man, Tig Trager, followed right behind him, but not before throwing a flirty wink Lena’s way.

“I’ll kiss you later, babe.” Jax whispered into Lena’s ear, placing a kiss on her temple, and giving her ass a quick smack, before following the rest of his crew in for their meeting.

Lena bit her lip watching the doors to the church close. Boy that Jax Teller had her so wound up, sometimes she had no idea up from down.

She then released a shuddering breath, as she went back to her task of serving and mingling with patrons.

About an hour later, the double doors opened, and out came the crew, aside from Clay and Jax. Chibs and Juice were the first to sit at the bar, and Lena poured them a couple of shots.

“To you, you beautiful _fucking_ Lass.” Chibs tipped his shot glass back, before slamming it back down on the bar table. “Another.”

Lena smiled embarrassingly, feeling her cheeks burn, pouring the Scottsman another one. She then looked over at Juice, who decided to nurse his shot. “So, what’s going on in there?” She nodded toward the double doors, where Jax had still yet to walk through.

“Just some club shit,” Juice spoke, throwing back his shot back, “you know we can’t tell you anything.” He gave her a cheeky smile.

Lena shrugged, teasingly, pouring him another shot. “It was worth a shot.” She then turned back to place some dirty glasses into the disposal.

As Juice threw back this second shot, he eyed Lena’s round and firm backside, as she bent over to grab a couple of beers. “Jax is a lucky motherfucker.” He muttered softly. 

Lena then turned back around, after hearing what Juice had said, and playfully glared at him. He just shrugged, not regretting his words, as Lena popped off the cap of a beer bottle and handing it to him.

“Behave, Juice.” She told him, and he gave her another cheeky grin. If her head, and her body, wasn’t wrapped so tightly around Jax Teller, Juice could have had some potential.

“Aye, forget it Juicy boy.” Chibs wrapped his arm around Juice’s shoulder in a joking manner. “There’s no way in hell that you’d get a lass with an arse like that. Ever. Not even your little _wee_ boy dreams.”

Lena shook her head at the ribbing. This is what they did on a constant. All of the current members of the MC, aside from Clay and Piney, had shown some type of interest in Lena at one point. It was always completely harmless, just some light teasing, but in the end they knew who she belonged.

When Jax finally walked up, he overheard Chibs ribbing Juice, again. “Juice, what do I keep tellin’ you about hittin’ on my Old Lady?” He propped himself on the bar, before lighting up a cigarette and took a long drag. 

Juice said nothing else, grabbed his beer, and slinked off somewhere else in the clubhouse. Chibs followed right behind.

Jax turned to face Lena, blowing out a cloud of smoke and, smiled. Even when he smoked, it was sexy. 

Lena handed him the beer that she offered to get him earlier. “Thank you, gorgeous.” 

“So, you heard from your crazy ex-wife today?”

Jax took a sip and shook his head. “No, I’ve been calling her and she’s not answering.”

“That’s because she sees you calling.” Lena teased, as she began to wipe down the bar top from when she accidentally spilled a bit of whiskey when pouring those shots. “I can go check on her if you want.”

Jax shook his head again. “That’s not necessary.”

Lena sighed heavily, casually tossing the rag over her shoulder. “Jax, she’s pregnant with your _kid_ , she never answers your calls, you need to know if she’s alright. So, I’ll just pop in, make sure she hasn’t o’d, and leave.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I know. I _want_ to.”

Jax threw another casual smile her way. “Look, just don’t engage with her too much.”

“I can be cordial, Jax.” Lena spat, and Jax gave her a knowing look. “ _Now_. I can be cordial _now_.” She corrected, and he chuckled. “And besides, I don’t want anything happening to your kid, so I’ll make sure to be _extra_ nice.” As much as it pained her to say. Let’s just say that Lena and Jax’s ex weren’t exactly best friends.

He nodded, teasingly. “Yeah, you do that. Listen, I got a few things I need to do. So, I’ll—”

“—see me tonight.” Lena cut him off, finishing his sentence. She knew this song and dance almost expertly. There were times that she would go days without seeing Jax, but she knew that this was his life. 

A life of an outlaw.

Jax reached over and grabbed her hand, giving it a small squeeze. “Thank you. Text me about Wendy, okay.”

Lena nodded, grabbing and discarding his now empty beer bottle. She felt him grab her hand, the same hand from before, and kissed the back of it. She then watched as he got up from his seat and followed the rest of **SAMCRO** out of the clubhouse.

Lena was making her way to her car, searching through her purse to find her keys, when she ran into the last person that she’d ever want to run into; her boyfriend’s crazy mother, Gemma Teller-Morrow.

“And where are you going?” Gemma pulled her sunglasses up her head, a suspicious look in her bright green eyes.

Lena sighed, finally retrieving her keys and readjusting the strap of her purse on her shoulder. “I’m just going to check on your daughter in law and grandchild.”

Gemma rolled eyes in annoyance, placing her hands on her hips. “That junkie is _not_ my daughter in law.”

“Well, you were the one pushing Jax to marry her.” Lena spat bitterly, folding her arms across her chest.

Now it was Gemma’s turn to sigh. “You need to let that go, sweetheart. You got ‘im. He’s _fuckin_ ’ you.”

Lena shut her eyes tight, trying to hold her tongue, but it was hard around Gemma. “He’s not _fucking_ me, Gem — you know what, I don’t have time for this. I gotta go.” She brushed past Jax’s mother to get to her car.

Once she was in the driver’s side, the passenger side door is popped open and Gemma was sliding her way in.

Lena eyed her boyfriend’s mother as if she had lost her ever loving mind. “Gemma, what the hell are you doing? Why are you in my car?”

Gemma shut her door closed, before locking in her seat belt. “I’m going with you.” She quickly swiped her blonde streaked bangs from her face, getting comfortable in her seat. “Make sure she hasn’t tried to kill my grandchild.”

Lena opened her mouth to say something, but quickly thought better of it. There was no use in arguing with Gemma Teller-Morrow. She was the Queen, and the Queen usually ended up getting her way anyhow. So, Lena just started up the car and quickly pulled out of the garage.

No less than 15 minutes later, Lena pulled her car into the driveway of Jax’s house. Of course, Jax hadn’t been living there since he and Wendy split up. When he found out she was pregnant, he let her stay in the house while he was living part time at the clubhouse and part time at Lena’s house. 

Lena and Gemma made their way to the front door, and before Lena could knock, Gemma had already beat her to it.

A few seconds went by and there was no answer. Gemma tried again, this time, banging heavily on the door.

“Oh, _screw_ this,” Gemma muttered digging in her purse and pulling out her set of keys.

“Gemma,” Lena scolded, “what the _hell_ are you doing?”

“That junkie whore probably can’t even hear us.” She slid her house key into the knob unlocking the door. “And besides this is still my son’s house.” Gemma finally opened the door, allowing Lena to be the first to step in. “You go check the bedrooms.”

Lena rolled her eyes, but nodded anyway, following the direction. She made her way into every room, including the room that was set up to be the nursery, but there was no sign of Jax’s ex-wife anywhere.

As she walked back into the living room area, Lena heard a high pitched “ _shit_ ” coming from the kitchen. She quickly ran inside and her stomach dropped at what she saw. 

There, Jax’s ex laid collapsed on the floor blood gathering underneath her body. This was definitely not good.

“ _Jesus Christ_.” Lena cringed, looking at the track marks up and down Wendy’s outstretched arm and in between her fingers. “Should we call 911?” She looked up at Gemma, who just stood there, anger in her eyes. “Gemma!” She called out, and Gemma still didn’t break from her trance. “Fuck it.” She reached into her purse and pulled out her phone.

“No,” Gemma finally spoke, “I got 911, you call Jax.”

Lena swallowed thickly, flipping open her phone and hitting the first number on her speed dial. Jax picked up on the second ring. “Hey.”

“Hey, is everything alright?”

“Um,” Lena looking down at Wendy’s lifeless body and then up to Gemma who was speaking on the phone to dispatch, “no. It’s Wendy, Jax.”

“What about Wendy?” Jax could hear the weariness in Lena’s voice. “What’s going on, Lee?”

Lena held back the vomit she felt bubbling in her stomach. “Just meet your mom and me at St. Thomas.”

“My mom?” Jax asked confused. “Gemma’s there?”

“Jax, just, please.”

“Alright. I’ll be there.”

The moment she snapped her phone shut to toss it back in her purse, she heard the sound of the ambulance pulling into the driveway.

It all happened in a blur. The next thing Lena knew, Wendy was being carted off into the ambulance, and she and Gemma were on their way to St. Thomas. Wendy was then rushed into emergency surgery where Jax’s son was born via cesarean. The newborn baby boy was not only facing premature birth problems, he was also faced with the Teller curse. The curse that Gemma went through, but took the life of her younger son, Thomas, and was now threatening the life of her new grandson.

Now Lena found herself locked in a bathroom stall, as her stomach released the contents of the breakfast she barely ate this morning. All the shit that had been happening wasn’t sitting well with her. As it had been everyday for the past several days.

The moment she finished, she sat back watching those contents swirl together, before reaching up to finally flush it down. 

Picking herself up off the stall floor, she unlatched the lock and opened the door. Walking over to the sink, she washed her hands and rinsed her mouth out, before looking at her reflection in the dirty, finger printed bathroom mirror. She cringed at the sight. Her eyes were puffy and red. Her lips were dry and cracked. And her newly straightened locks were now disarray.

She quickly splashed her face with the lukewarm sink water, dabbed her plump lips with some gloss, and grabbed a hair tie from her purse. She then pulled her long tresses into a ponytail with a few tendrils framing her face.

Resituating her purse on her shoulder, she felt presentable enough to finally leave the restroom. She then made her way back to the NICU area, where Jax’s son was currently being treated for his birth defects. The moment she rounded the corner, she stopped dead in her tracks. 

Lena immediately spotted Jax making his way to the waiting area, speaking with the last person Lena ever thought she’d see again. 

**Tara Knowles.**


	2. Chapter Two

## CHAPTER TWO:

_(gif not mine)_

Tara Knowles was the love of Jax’s life when they were teenagers right up until she left him nearly 10 years ago. When Tara left, Jax’s whole world crashed, and somehow Lena was left to pick up the broken pieces.

Lena Daniels met a young Jax Teller when she was barely 14 years old. Her mother, Leslie, had raised her away from the MC up until then. 

Lena’s grandfather was one of **SAMCRO’s** patched _First 9_ , along with Clay, Piney, and Jax’s father, John Teller. When he found out that his daughter had fallen in love with a young black man, heading into the army, he had immediately disapproved. And when Leslie fought against it, Lena’s grandfather had disowned his very own daughter for marrying someone outside of her race. But that had all changed the moment his eyes first laid on Lena’s the day she was born.

When Lena’s [father](https://66.media.tumblr.com/cbaf64fcaa1e316791e933cc1fe3123d/tumblr_p5o6ecWRZU1w0gw85o7_500.png) died of cancer, her mother, with no dime to their names, packed up their belongings and moved them back to Charming where the MC happily took them in. It was a struggle for [Leslie ](https://66.media.tumblr.com/cc833c48d1bc44c90ea1879af7a65390/tumblr_pljqw5vRKe1s6edf4_400.jpg)when she first came back to Charming. Dealing with the death of her husband and coming back to a town that she hated to take care of her ailing father, was hard for her to take.

When Lena’s grandfather finally took his last breath, it was even harder for Lena to watch, in horror, as the beautiful woman that was her mother turned croweater turned alcoholic until the day she drunkenly blew her brains out on Lena’s 19th birthday.

From that moment on, Jax had always been there for Lena, as she had been for him. He looked out for her; protected her. And she fell for him. Hard.

Lena never told Jax how she felt about him. She just watched him go from relationship to relationship, finally falling head over heels in love with the beautiful Tara Knowles. Tara was smart and perfect. But she was never meant to stay in Charming. Lena knew that Tara couldn’t handle the life of being an “old lady”, but was still very much surprised on the day the future doctor decided to pack up and leave.

Tara’s leaving left Jax in a vulnerable state for a few years after, and so he decided to fuck his way through Charming and even through some parts of Stockton and Oakland. 

Even Lena was stupid enough to allow herself to fall prey to Jax’s charming advances. She believed and hoped that her warming his bed at night, that he’d end up feeling for her what she felt for him. Little did she know that her bad boy biker lover did return those feelings, but had already declared himself not worthy of her love. So, with Gemma’s incessant pushing for grandkids, Jax married Wendy Case, the croweater junkie, that he’d fuck on occasion.

It was four months ago, when Jax finally pulled his head out of his ass, finally realizing that Lena was good for him, and that they’d be great together. But Lena always had a feeling, stabbing, in the back of her mind, that if and when Tara chose to turn back up in Charming that that would be it for her and Jax.

So, fast forward to now, where Lena was still standing and watching as Jax and a returned Tara were having a conversation. Lena believed that the conversation was obviously about Jax’s son, and whatever was happening with Wendy, since it looked like Tara was the doctor that was going to be assigned to this case. But it didn’t stop Lena’s resolve from crumbling.

Without being seen, Lena quickly turned on her heels to head straight out of the hospital. She didn’t have the time or the strength to deal with any of this. She needed to collect and regroup herself before she would have a face to face with Tara Knowles after all these years. 

But since life hated her so much, she was stopped in her tracks, again, as she accidentally bumped into a hard body.

“Going somewhere?”

Lena looked up. Of course, it would be Gemma standing in front of her, holding onto a cup of disgusting hospital coffee. “Yeah, I’m just about to head back to the clubhouse to finish my shift. Hey, did you know that Tara Knowles is back in town?”

Gemma stiffened, and her hold on the styrofoam cup tightened. “Yeah, that bitch is back. She’s overseeing the baby’s case.”

Lena felt her heart dip into her stomach. The nausea was starting to bubble up in her stomach again. “Oh, did Jax know she was back in town before today?”

Gemma looked at Lena knowingly. “I don’t know. What’s with the 20 questions? Does this have anything to do with the good Doctor and your old man’s past?”

Lena swallowed thickly, trying to quell her queasy stomach. She definitely didn’t want to answer that question. Especially not to Gemma. “Uh, never mind. Forget I asked anything. Just tell Jax that I’ll be at the clubhouse or whatever.” She quickly brushed past Gemma and continued out of the hospital.

When Lena finally returned to the clubhouse, she headed straight for Jax’s room, where she had on own key. She made her way into the bathroom, shutting the door closed behind her and turning on the lock.

Her stomach churned, twisting itself in knots, and threatening to spill again. But she held it down. As much as she could. Instead, she searched through the contents of her purse and pulled out an object that was stuffed inside a plastic zip lock bag. The object; a plastic, white wand with her current fate flashing in her face.

As she stared down at the object, she felt the tears stinging the back of her eyes. This was definitely not a good time for this to be happening. Not with Wendy, and Jax’s son being born prematurely. And now Tara was back in town. She didn’t even know exactly how to handle it all.

Lena sighed heavily, looking down at the very positive pregnancy test, trembling between her fingers, as it stared back at her tauntingly.

Yeah, this was definitely not a good time.

It had been a few hours when Jax finally returned to the clubhouse from being gone all afternoon. Lena had been finishing up the little bit of cleaning she had left, while a few of the croweaters left behind had been giving her a hand.

The moment Jax’s tired blue eyes landed on hers, she immediately knew that he needed some comfort. Stopping what she was doing, leaving it to the other girls, she immediately rushed up and into Jax’s arms. She ran the tips of her fingers up his arms, settling them around his neck, pulling him into a hug. She felt him release a heavy breath, as he shoved his face into her neck and wrapped his arms around her waist.

Lena held onto Jax for a few more moments, running a hand through his blonde locks, before he pulled back and pressing his mouth to hers. She kissed him back deeply, feeling the scruff from his beard, scratching her skin.

When they finally pulled apart, she grabbed his hand, interlocking their fingers and taking him back to his room that he was currently sleeping in at the clubhouse. Once they were inside, Lena locked the door, as Jax went to sit down on the unkempt bed. She then turned to face him, before making her way over. She sat down on her knees, to help him remove his now dirty, white sneakers. Placing her hands on his knees, she looked up at him and noticed that his knuckles had cuts and bruises dancing across them.

Lena reached up to grab his hands, inspecting the damage, before whispering, “what did you do?”

Jax shook his head. “I’m fine.”

Lena knew he wasn’t, but she didn’t push the subject. The last thing he needed right now was her hassling him about his fighting. “So, have you been at the hospital all day?” She asked, obviously knowing what the answer was. And with the shake of his head, she was proven right. “Where’d you go, Jax?”

Jax shrugged, suddenly standing to his feet walking over to his dresser. “I had some business to take care of for the club. Then I went to see Ope.” He then proceeded to remove his kutte, sweatshirt, and white t-shirt underneath.

Lena sighed heavily, also standing to her feet. “How’s he doing? I ran into Donna the other day at the store.”

Jax turned to face her, leaning against the dresser, shoving his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. “He’s adjusting.” He gets quiet, looking off for a few, before turning back to Lena. “Mom said you cut out of the hospital just as I got there.”

Lena nodded, folding her arms across her chest. “Yeah, I just wanted to make sure that Wendy got to the hospital, and I came back to finish up here.” She lied, to cover up the fact that she was anxious because Tara was back in town, and she didn’t want to cut open that old wound. “How’s the baby?”

Jax looked down at his sock covered feet, running a hand through his hair. “It’s not good, Lee. I can’t even look at him.” He admitted, and Lena could hear the desolation in his voice.

Lena’s heart broke at the news. “How’s Gemma taking it?”

Jax waited a beat, before saying, “not good either. Though, she believes that he’ll pull through.”

Lena’s brows furrowed in confusion. “And you don’t.”

He shrugged again. “I was told he has a 20 percent chance of surviving, Lee.” Lena’s heart dropped at that news. “What does that sound like to you?”

Lena didn’t say a word, she just made her way over to him. As she went to comfort him once again, he quickly stopped her, by grabbing her wrist. She looked down at him confused and a bit rejected. He then stood up straight and leaned down to place a gentle kiss on the side of her face. She then watched as he made his way into the bathroom.

When Jax shut the bathroom door, Lena released a deep, shuddering breath. She knew that Jax was dealing with a lot. The things going on with the club that he never shared with her for her own protection, and now his son, who was just born, that might not even have the chance to experience an actual life. 

And on top of that, Lena was carrying on her own secret from Jax. A secret, in which she knew, would not be well accepted at this time. So, it was best to keep it a secret for just a little while longer.

When Lena heard the sound of the shower running, she decided to make her way over to the bathroom. She opened the door and walked into the steam filled room. She then proceeded to remove her clothes piece by piece. When she finally stepped out of underwear, she pulled the shower curtain aside and saw Jax standing underneath the scalding water, letting it wash over him. His back, displaying his full length reaper tattoo, was turned to her. His hands were splayed against the tile wall above his back. She stepped into the tub, right up behind him. She then wrapped her arms around his waist, placing feverish kisses against his back.

Jax sighed, turned around, and pulled Lena against his hard chest. His calloused fingers cupped underneath her jaw and settled his forehead against hers. Lena’s heartbeat quickened and her stomach turned into knots for what she knew was to come next. It was always like this with Jax. No matter how many times he’s kissed her. No matter how many times he’s made love to her. It was always this heat explosion.

Lena could taste the cigarettes and whiskey on his tongue, as his mouth claimed hers for his own. The kiss was deep and passionate. It was almost a need, a burning hot need, to just feel each other. Before Lena could react, Jax had hoisted her up, and slammed her back against the cold tile wall. Her body shuddered at the impact, and her legs instantly wrapped themselves around his waist. She let out a breathy moan, as he nipped and sucked at any exposed skin from her lips to the top of her breasts.

He was hard and trapped between her sex and his stomach. She needed to feel him inside of her. Like she always needed. He was her drug. He was also her kryptonite.

“Jax,” she breathlessly whispered, feeling him suck gently against her spot. The spot that he only knew.

“I gotchu, darlin’.” He kissed her full lips once more, before reaching between them. “I gotchu.”

He grabbed his cock, running it over her sex, covering it in her juices, before finally pushing his way inside of her. Lena cried out, feeling him filling her to the brim. He gave her no time to adjust, before he began to piston his hips upward in a rhythmic motion. Filling her up over and over again. She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, enjoying the pleasurable pain he was giving her. 

He continued his movements, groaning and grunting every time he’d hit that certain spot that sucked him in further and made her toes curl. He then pressed his fingers gently against her throat and laying his forehead against hers, as he pounded harder into her.

Lena let out another breathless moan, feeling as Jax’s pelvis slammed hard against her clit over and over and over again. As she wrapped her legs tighter around his waist, she felt his thrusts becoming more and more erratic by the second. She knew that he was close, but so was she.

That coil that had been building in her belly had finally snapped like a stretched rubber band, and her body shuddered hard against his. 

“ _Fuck_ , darlin’.” Jax groaned, tightening his hands around her throat. “You feel so _fuckin_ ’ good.” He felt her body milking him, when he finally released his seed into her womb. He continued until his body was completely drained, and he kissed her hard once more.

The two of them stood there, still connected, trying to catch their breaths. They continued to let the water wash away their problems.

Even if it’s only for tonight. 


	3. Chapter Three

## CHAPTER 3:

_(gifs not mine, found on tumblr)_

When Lena woke that following morning, she had woken up to an empty bed. The previous night her and Jax felt each other’s comfort once more after their shower, before she passed out in his arms. And when she opened her eyes, he was gone. This wasn’t unusual. When Jax was dealing with a lot of things at once, he tended to go to sleep late and leave early the following day. **  
**

Jax had been gone for a couple of days since. He sent her a text telling her, he was heading to Nevada, and that he’d be back as soon as he could. Lena was disappointed that Jax had decided to let her know of his departure via text message, but instead of wallowing, she had found herself standing outside the hospital doors. To say that she was nervous would be an understatement. She had decided, despite her head screaming that she was an idiot, she knew she needed to face this head on. She needed to be there for Jax’s newborn son. Even if it meant seeing the woman that made her feel like an insecure school girl.

Lena just swallowed her pride and made her way into the hospital. Heading straight toward the NICU, she immediately spotted Tara walking out of a hospital room. The room, she guessed, belonged to Abel. 

The doctor looked up to see Lena headed toward her, a surprised look on her face. “ _Lena_. Hi.”

Lena nodded, feeling the nerves bubbling in her system. “Tara. I didn’t know you were back in town.” She lied through her teeth.

Tara swallowed, shoving her clipboard underneath her arm. “Yeah, I’ve been back for a little while now. Are you here to see Jax’s son?”

Again, Lena nodded, shoving her hands in the back pockets of her jeans. “How’s he doing?”

Tara smiles shyly. “The surgery was a success, and he’s improving. But it could still take some time.”

“That’s good that he’s improving. Can I see him?”

Tara looked at Lena hesitantly, before nodding. “Yeah, come with me.” She turned on her heel and walked away.

Lena quickly followed behind her until they made it to the room that Tara had come out of just a few minutes earlier. The room where baby Abel was currently resting. Her heart raced, as she slowly walked up to the incubator, staring down at the tiny life form fighting for his life. He was so small. Smaller than any other baby that she had ever seen before. She immediately felt the tears burning the back of her eyes.

“You can’t hold him, yet.” Tara explained, as he was still hooked up to machines to help his breathing. “But you can hold his hand.” She pointed to one of the two open holes on the side of the incubator.

Lena followed Tara’s instructions, placing a lone finger inside to gently caress the baby’s even tinier hand. She smiled softly, and her heart warmed with pride the moment she felt the baby’s hand twitch and automatically latched onto her finger. 

“He seems to like you already.” Tara commented, smiling at the interaction.

“Already a ladies man, like his daddy.” Lena giggled, softly, now using her thumb to caress the baby’s hand since it was still barely attached to her finger.

“Yeah, he is.” Tara said uncomfortably, as Lena continued to keep her full attention on the baby. “So, uh, Jax told me about the two of you.”

That stopped Lena in her tracks. Again, she nervously swallowed the lump forming in the back of her throat. She then softly released her hold on baby Abel to turn to face Tara. “Oh.” Was the only thing she could muster up.

Tara shook her head in a dismissive manner. “I know you think I might have certain intentions on why I’m back in Charming, but it has nothing to do with Jax. Charming is…home, you know?”

“Right.” Again, the only thing that Lena could muster up since she didn’t expect for Tara to go there so quickly.

“I’m gonna let you enjoy your visit.” Tara pointed toward the incubator and then made herself scarce.

Lena then released the breath, that she had no idea she was holding in, before turning back to the baby angel in her presence.

Lena had been with Abel for a good part of an hour, before Jax made his surprise entrance. He smiled softly when he saw Lena sitting by his son’s incubator.

“Hey,” he leaned down, placing a kiss on the top of her head, before squatting down before them.

“Hey.” Lena smiled softly. “When did you get back?”

“Just now,” he turned to look at his son, “mom told me that you were coming. Thought that I’d stop by and spend a little time with him myself.”

Lena reached out to cup Jax’s jaw, trying to give him a little comfort. She was happy that his attitude was changing about baby Abel. Jax quickly melted into her touch, placing a tender kiss to the inside of her palm. “I’m just glad you came to see him. He’s beautiful.”

Jax smiled, still holding on to Lena’s hand. “Yeah, he is. When he’s better and a little older, maybe we can give him a little brother.” He gave her a cheeky grin.

Lena choked, quickly pulling her hand from his, as she felt a nervous sweat coming on.

“Hey,” Jax brows furrowed, noticing her change in demeanor, “you okay?” She stayed quiet, not knowing what to tell him. She knew that what he just said was him being cheeky, and maybe partially truthful, but how was she supposed to tell him that it was already happening? That she was carrying Abel’s little baby brother or sister. “Babe,” he pulled her from her thoughts, “what’s the matter?”

Lena sucked in a deep breath, grabbing onto Jax’s hand. “Jax, there’s something I need to tell you.” She said, and he had her undivided attention. But she still didn’t know how to tell him. “Jax, I’m—”

And before she could continue, she was cut off by the sound of Jax’s ringing cell phone. He quickly stood, reaching to pull his phone out of his back pocket to answer it. It looked like the news he had just received was not good news by the irritated expression on his face.

“Alright, I’m on my way.” He snapped his phone shut, shoving it back into his pocket. He then looked back down at Lena, who had stood along with him. “What were you gonna tell me?”

Lena shook her head, chickening out. “It was nothing important.”

Again, his brows furrowed in confusion, as he reached out to cup her jaw. “You sure?”

She swallowed the tears that were threatening to reveal themselves. “Yeah, I’ll talk to you later. That call seemed urgent.”

He nodded. “Yeah, I got to ahead out. Club shit.” He leaned forward and kissed her lips softly. “You gonna be okay?” He asked, and she just nodded. He kissed her once more, before turning to the incubator. “Bye, little man. I’ll see you later.” He kissed the tips of his fingers and tapped the top of the box and then made his way out of the room.

Lena waved Jax goodbye and waited until he was gone, as she turned back to Abel. “I guess it’s just you and me, again. Huh, buddy?”

  


Lena took a break from spending time with baby Abel to grab herself a quick lunch from the hospital cafeteria. When she returned, she noticed a strange man standing outside of Abel’s room, lurking like a creeper.

“Can I help you with something?” Lena questioned, cautiously approaching said man.

The guy skittishly jumped, not expecting someone to catch him standing there. “Oh, nothing. I was just looking. Beautiful boy. He yours?”

Lena eyed this man suspiciously, shaking her hand. “Not biologically. What do you want?”

“I’m sorry,” the man chuckled nervously, “I’m Josh Kohn,” he introduced himself, quickly reaching for a handshake, “federal agent.”

Lena internally rolled her eyes, looking down at the outstretched hand before her and refused to shake it. “Now why would a federal agent be lurking outside of the NICU?”

Kohn shamefully took his hand back, feeling rejected and a bit irritated. “I’m a friend of Tara Knowles.” 

A _friend_ of Tara’s? She was now in with the feds? “Still doesn’t explain why you’re lurking outside of a baby’s room.”

“He’s Jax Teller’s kid, right?” Kohn ignored Lena, pointing to the window, he had been peeping in. “Maybe I can get a few minutes of your ti–”

Lena scoffed, cutting the lurking agent off. “Let me stop you right there, _Agent_. I see exactly what this. Listen, I don’t talk to feds. If you have questions about Jax Teller, you can ask Jax Teller yourself.” 

This wasn’t something new to Lena. It seemed like every six months or so, the feds were trying to find something against **SAMCRO** , and that meant sometimes trying to swindle information from anyone remotely close to the MC. They weren’t going to find anything, _especially_ not from her. She wasn’t, would never be a rat. 

“So, I’m guessing you’re the girlfriend?” Kohn pointed out, with a creepy grin on his face. “Protecting her man, huh?” He questioned, before stepping closer to Lena. “You _know_ what happens to girlfriends of men like Jax Teller, right?”

Lena swallowed thickly, a feeling of disgust creeping up her spine. “I think you need to _leave_ , Agent.” She narrowed her dark eyes up at the federal agent. “Before _you_ find out what happens to feds who harass girlfriends of men like Jax Teller.”

Kohn didn’t let Lena get another step in, as he then forcibly grabbed her upper arm and yanking her closer to him. His grip tightened with every word. “Is that a threat? You better watch who you’re speaking to, girl.”

Fear sat in the pit of Lena’s stomach, as she looked up into the sadistic look into his eyes. “Let me go. Before I have your ass _arrested_ assault, Agent.” She quickly snatched her arm back and backed away from him.

“The only ones who are going to be arrested are your boyfriend and his little motorcycle gang.” Kohn called out watching Lena walk away. “ _Believe_ that.”

Lena ignored Kohn’s taunting and shut the door closed. She then looked out of the window, through the blinds, as creepy federal agent still stood there watching her back. He stayed for the next few seconds, before he gave her a small wave and finally walked away.

Lena’s heart beat angrily against her ribcage. She had no idea who this guy was, but he creeped her the fuck out. Most of the ATF agents she had the _dis_ pleasure of dealing with were harmless compared to this sadistic fucker. She thought of calling Jax, and letting him know, but then quickly changed her mind. If **SAMCRO** was being investigated by ATF, then she knew that Jax would be well aware of Kohn, and telling him would only complicate things. So she just turned to look back into Abel’s incubator, hoping that the little boy would make her feel a little better.

“Oh, you’re still here.” Tara walked in, causing Lena to jump slightly in fright.

“Yeah,” Lena nodded, “I’m still here.” She then turned her full attention to Tara. She wasn’t going to tell Jax, but she damn was going to get some answers from the doctor. “Can we talk?”

“Uh,” Tara’s brows furrowed, as she noticed Lena’s jittery mood, “sure.”

Lena gestured that they should step out of Abel’s room, right where she and Kohn had stood. “What the _hell_ are you doing getting into bed with the feds?”

“ _Excuse_ me?” Tara stood taken aback by Lena’s accusation. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. Are you okay? You seem a little on edge.”

Lena folded her arms across her chest. “Well, I just had a run in with your ATF _friend_ , Josh Kohn.”

Tara’s entire face paled at the sound of his name. She quickly stepped to Lena and whispered, “where did you see him?”

“Just now.” Lena began, still trying to calm her racing heart, “he was lurking outside of Abel’s room. So you _do_ know him?”

“Where is he now?” Ignoring Lena’s question, she asked her own, eyeing her surroundings, nervously.

“I told him to leave.” Lena confessed. “He wanted to talk to me about Jax. Apparently, he’s investigating **SAMCRO**.”

“Look,” Tara reached out and touched Lena’s arm, “if you see him, again, just stay away from him, please.”

Lena sighed heavily, throwing her hands in the air. “Trust me, I have no plans to engage with that creep, but what exactly is his deal?”

Tara shook her head fervently. “Trust me, this is not about Jax. He’s a really dangerous man, Lena, and you just need to keep your distance.” She then turned on her heel and walked away, leaving Lena even more confused.

Later that evening, Lena arrived back at her house. As she clicked the alarm on her car, she made her way up to the front door. She quickly shot Jax off a quick text, letting him know that she was finally home. She just wanted to forget what happened with that creepy fed today. Again she thought about telling Jax, but she knew exactly how he’d react, and she didn’t need him getting arrested for hurting, or even possibly killing a fed. She was just going to try to put it all behind her and avoid Kohn if he ever came around again.

As Lena unlocked the door and stepped inside, she received a reply back from Jax.

-k, be there in an hour-

Lena smiled down at the text. That meant she had just enough time to shower. By the time she’d slipped on her favorite of cheeky, lace panties and one of Jax’s **SAMCRO** t-shirts, she heard the roaring sounds of his bike pulling into her driveway.

She quickly met him at the door, as he was walking in.

“Now _this_ is the kind of welcome home I like.” Jax said, smirking at Lena’s appearance.

She gave him a smile of her own, wrapping her arms around his neck. Jax then leaned forward and pressed his mouth against hers.

“This is all for you, baby.” Lena replied with a giggly squeal, as Jax attached his lips to her neck.

“It better be.” He then reached down and grabbed a handful of her ass cheeks, giving them a soft squeeze.

Lena quickly pulled back, quirking an eyebrow at him. “Is that so?”

Jax nodded, still with that shit eating grin on his face. “Absolutely, darlin’.”

He kissed her once more, before pushing her gently down onto the couch. He then proceeded to remove his kutte and toed out of his sneakers. Next went his white tee and finally his jeans.

He climbed on top of Lena, helping her to remove his shirt from her body and tossing it with the rest of his clothes. That left her bare to him from the waist up. He eyed her up and down, his blue eyes darkening at the sight of her heaving, puckered dark nipples. His hand attached itself to her throat, as he leaned forward and shoved his tongue in her mouth.

Lena kissed him back with the same passion, her fingers clawing and scratching at the reaper tattoo on his back.

Jax then began to place feverish kisses down Lena’s neck, to her collar, through the valley between her full breasts. His calloused fingers, kneaded the flesh, twisting and pinching at her nipples, before taking one into his awaiting mouth.

Lena moaned softly, as Jax sucked and bit on her sensitive skin. He followed down, placing butterfly kisses along her belly and finally one last one to her hip bone, before removing her panties. Again, this time, she let out a pleasurable sigh and a gasp, as he dived straight into her wetness.

As Jax made love to Lena’s lower half, the couple had yet to realize that they were currently being watched. There, sat an unknown figure, in an unmarked vehicle. The figure was currently snapping not so innocent photos of Jax and Lena in the throws of passion.

The figure smirked sadistically to themselves snapping photo after photo, finally getting their money shot.

Once they were done, they started up their engine and quickly sped off into the night.


	4. Chapter Four

## CHAPTER 4:

_(GIF NOT MINE)_

Lena and Jax cuddled together on Lena’s old, ratty couch basking in the afterglow of their love making. Lena’s head was laid gently across Jax’s bicep, as he delicately dragged his fingers up and down her arms.

“Jax,” Lena whispered softly, kissing his bicep, “there’s something I need to tell you.”

“Okay.” Jax leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on her shoulder.

After a few seconds, Lena turned in his arms to face him. Looking up into his perfect blue eyes, the fear of telling him her secret sat bubbling in her stomach.

“What’s wrong?” Concern in those baby blues, Jax cupped her face in his hand, using his thumb to gently stroke her cheekbone.

Lena drew in a deep breath, melting into his touch, trying to flush away the fear. “So, I need you to know that this wasn’t done on purpose, and I’m not using it to trap you or anything.”

Jax’s brows furrowed in confusion. “What’s going on, Lee?”

Lena swallowed the lump in the back of her throat, leaning forward to kiss his chest. She just decided it was best to just rip the bandaid. “I’m pregnant.”

Jax pulled back, and Lena immediately felt the sting of rejection she knew was coming.

“Jax,” she began, as he still hadn’t spoken, “I know that this is not the best time for any of this. Especially with Abel and the club and Wendy. I promise—”

Jax cut her off, pressing his lips to hers. Lena was surprised by the kiss, but just melted into it. When he pulled back, he placed his forehead against hers, and whispered softly, “you’re really having my kid?”

Lena nodded, her forehead still connected with his. He smiled and kissed her again. “You’re not pissed?”

Jax shook his head and kissed her nose. “I have no reason to be. But that does explain your reaction to the joke I made about giving Abel a little brother. Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

Lena sighed heavily. “I just felt like it was never the right time. With Abel, and now Tara being back in town.”

Taken aback, Jax looked down at Lena in confusion. “Tara? What does this have to do with Tara?”

“Never mind.” Lena shook her head, trying to turn away from him. Talking about Tara was and will always be a touchy subject for the both of them.

“Hey,” he stopped her from turning, “don’t do that. Don’t shut down on me now.”

Lena swallowed, not looking Jax in the eye. “Okay, not to sound like a total girl, but I know the past that you and Tara have had. I know what it did to you when she left. It took us a long time to get where we are, and I don’t want to lose that.”

Jax was quiet for a moment, letting Lena’s words sink in. He sighed heavily, again, cupping Lena’s jaw, forcing her to look at him. He then leaned forward and placed a gentle, yet passionate kiss to her lips. “I love you, Lee. You’re not gonna lose what we have. Tara is my past. You, Abel, and now this baby are my future.”

Lena smiled softly, feeling all of the stress, she had been carrying of this, just melt away. “I love you too, Jax.”

Jax then placed his hand on her lower belly, his thumb gently caressing back and forth, as he placed a kiss on her temple.

Lena’s eyes fluttered open, as she realized that she was still on her couch, with a sheet covering her modesty. She looked over and watched Jax, as he was sitting on the edge of the couch, shoving his right foot into his shoe. He was fully dressed and ready to go, and Lena was feeling a bit disappointed.

“Where you going?” She asked him, and he turned his attention to her.

Jax stood up and threw on his kutte. “I’ve got some shit I need to handle.” He then leaned down and kissed her forehead. “Go back to sleep, you need all the rest you can get.” He smiled, and Lena could see the twinkle in his eyes.

“Hey,” she sat up, grabbing his hand to stop him, “can we just keep this between us for right now?”

Jax swallowed and looked down at her confused. “The baby?”

Lena nodded, wrapping the sheet further around her body. “Yeah, I just want to keep this between you and me. You know with Abel and such. I just don’t want to take away from that. And Gemma already has so much on her plate.”

Jax sighed, wiping at his face, before taking a seat on the coffee table in front of her. “This is the good news that we need right now, Lee.” He told her, but he noticed the look on his face, and he nodded. “Okay, we’ll do whatever you want darlin’.” He grabbed her chin and kissed her lips. He then stood to his feet. “We can’t keep this secret for too much longer, because you ain’t gonna be gettin’ any smaller, sweetheart.”

“ _Ass_.” She playfully glared at him and swatted at his butt.

He just laughed and kissed her once more. “Get some rest.” As he made his way to the front door, he turned back to Lena. “Oh by the way mom is gonna need your help finish setting up for that fundraiser she’s having tonight.” Was the last thing he told her, before walking out of the door.

Lena just groaned, shoving her face back into the cushion. She thought if she suffocated herself, then maybe she could get out of helping Gemma. Because that was absolutely the last thing she wanted to do.

Lena arrived at the park later that day to help Gemma with the giving back fundraiser she threw every year to raise money for the schools. She would have been there a little earlier, but when Lena had called and Gemma to let her know that she was on her way, Gemma asked her in a very _Gemma_ like way to stop by the grocery store to pick up some things. And by some things, Lena now had a back seat full of groceries.

She grabbed as many bags as she could carry, before clicking the alarm on her car and taking the stuff over to the awning which she spotted Gemma standing under.

“Well, it’s about time you got here.” Gemma spat in a chastising way when she saw Lena walking up.

“Gemma, you literally told me to pick up this stuff after I was already on my way. I have a shit ton more crap in my backseat. I’m not Supergirl, I can’t _fly_.” Lena spat sarcastically, sitting the bags on an empty table.

“Fine,” Gemma huffed, placing her hands on her hips, “I actually need your help with something else.” She then turned her attention to the two girls, that Lena knew to be **SAMCRO** croweaters, that were also helping out. She then snatched Lena’s keys from her hands, tossing it to the first girl she laid her eyes on. “It’s the black Mustang, grab the rest of the bags.”

The girls nodded and quickly did as told. Lena hated the idea of a croweater. Waiting hand and foot on MC member’s Old Ladies, sleeping with any MC members who showed any kind interest, all while waiting to finally be called someone’s Old Lady. It disgusted Lena to her core.

Gemma then turned to look at Lena, who didn’t look too pleased. “What?”

“They’re not our slaves, Gemma.” Lena angrily pointed out.

Gemma sighed heavily annoyed. “You got a long ways to go being an Old Lady with an attitude like that, sweetheart.”

“I know firsthand what being a croweater entails.” Lena bit, flashing back to all those years she watched her mother deteriorate from the person she used to be.

Gemma’s attitude immediately seems to soften a bit, as she knew exactly what Lena had been through with her mom. She was the one that had to pull Lena from cradling her mother’s dead body that fateful night. “I’m sorry, sweetie. Can you just take the stuff out of the bags and stack them over there?” She pointed over to another table that was littered with other things. “Please.”

Lena nodded and took the stuff to the table. As she was preoccupying herself with the task that Gemma had given her, she was casually overhearing a conversation that Gemma had engaged herself in. It was April Hobart, a former MC Old Lady. She was asking, or more like begging, Gemma to ask Clay if her husband, Kyle, can come see their son and his band play at the fundraiser that night.

Lena could hear that Gemma was being hesitant about it at first, but told April that she would talk to Clay.

The moment April gratefully walked away, Lena stood next to Gemma. “Kyle Hobart? Wasn’t he voted out of **SAMCRO** , like, five years ago?”

Gemma casually nodded, watching April walk away. “This is not gonna go over well with the club.” She muttered, pulling out her cell phone to call her husband.

Lena didn’t know much about the club business, as again, Jax tried to keep her protected from it as he could. But she knew that their brotherhood meant everything to them, and it took a betrayal of the highest to get voted out of the club. So, Kyle making a reappearance, even if it was for his kids, was gonna raise some serious problems with **SAMCRO**.

After most of the stuff was finally set up for the evening, Lena spotted Jax, as he finally arrived. He gave her a big smile the moment their eyes connected, and he rushed up to her.

“Hey, you.” Lena wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Hey.” Jax leaned down and kissed her gently.

“I missed you today.”

“Did you now?” He retorted, kissing her again. “How are you doing? Mom didn’t push you too much?”

Lena playfully scoffed, turning to look at Gemma over her shoulder, who was now scolding Bobby dressed as Elvis for running just a little bit behind. “She was alright.” She quickly turned back to Jax.

“How are you feeling?” Jax’s hands immediately went to rest on her lower belly.

“I’m feeling pretty good.”

“That’s good.” Jax kissed her temple, before his eyes zeroed on something that turned his attitude. “Give me a minute, darlin’.” He told her, before walking off.

Lena’s eyesight followed Jax, as he walked over to the parking lot where Kyle Hobart just pulled up with his new, much younger girlfriend. She watched, shielding her face from the sun, as Jax had a “conversation” with Kyle. Even from far away, she could see that Jax didn’t like that Kyle was here, but apparently a club vote decided that it was okay for him to be. It didn’t mean that he wasn’t going to make it known that Kyle wasn’t welcome. When he was finished, he made his way back over to Lena.

“What was that about?” Lena questioned her boyfriend, when he approached her.

“Just some club business.” Jax retorted, brushing it under the rug like he always did. “Nothing you need to worry your pretty little head about.” He kissed her.

Lena playfully glared his way. “Do _not_ patronize me, Jackson Nathaniel Teller. I’m a big girl, I can handle a lot of things.”

“Ooh, the full government name.” Jax winced, knowing that Lena was being serious. “I know you are a big girl, darlin’. And as someone who can handle my mother, of all people, I know you can handle some real tough shit. But there are some things that you _don’t_ need to handle. I thought you understood this.”

“I understand it just fine, Jax. I have since I was 15 years old.”

“Then you know that we do it to—”

Lena quickly cut him off, knowing exactly what he was going to say. “—protect me. I know.” She was tired of being protected.

“Just know that I don’t want anything to happen to you, okay? C’mere.” Jax pulled her into his arms for a hug. It took her a few seconds, but Lena found herself wrapping her arms around his waist, just feeling his comfort.

When Jax pulled back, he kissed her forehead softly. “Let’s try and enjoy this little shindig, huh? For my mother’s sake.”

Lena just giggled and nodded, as Jax threw his arm around her shoulder, and she kept her arm securely around his waist.

The fundraiser was in full swing, where literally everyone in the small town of Charming was in attendance. 

Lena had found herself sitting at open picnic table talking with Donna Winston, Opie’s wife, while Opie and Jax went off to have a conversation of their own.

“So, how’s Ope adjusting?”

Donna took a quick glance over at Opie, who was sitting next to Jax, smoking a cigarette. “I know it’s been hard for him. Especially with the kids.” She then eyed her daughter, who was off playing with friends, before looking down desolately. “He’s slowly being pulled back into the club, and I don’t know what to do about it. It’s been a little hard for all of us.”

Lena sympathetically reached over to give Donna’s hand a gentle, comforting squeeze. “Just give it some time, Dee. It will all work out the way it’s supposed to. Opie’s home, that’s what matters the most.”

Donna smiled, placing her other hand on top of Lena’s, accepting the gesture. “Thank you. So, how are you and Jax doing? You look happy. Both of you.”

Now it was Lena’s turn to smile, feeling the heat rise in her cheeks. “We’re doing pretty good. It’s been a bit crazy with, you know, Abel, and now Tara is back in town.”

Donna winced softly. “Yeah, I heard about that. How’re you feeling about it?”

Lena shrugged nonchalantly, a piece of splinter poking from the wooden table now getting her attention, as she began to pick at it. Tara would always be a touchy subject for her. “It’s been a whirlwind few days, and I’m still trying to catch my breath. I believe Jax when he tells me that he only wants me. So, I have to trust that.”

Donna nodded in agreement. “Absolutely. Speaking of little baby Abel, how’s he doing?”

“He’s improving everyday.” Lena spoke proudly of the newborn. “He’s still has a long ways to go, but it’s looking really good.”

“That’s amazing. And what about Wendy? I’m sorry.” Donna quickly apologized, feeling as if she was being a bit on the hounding side. “I feel like I’ve been completely out of the loop for so long.”

Lena just waved her off. “Oh, you’re fine. After Wendy o’d, _again_ , at the hospital, Jax shipped her butt off to rehab.”

“ _Jesus_ ,” Donna exclaimed, really realizing just how out of the loop she had been. “So, you’re already, like, a mother figure to Abel. That’s a big step for you and Jax.”

It was Lena’s turn to nod in agreement. “Wendy will always be Abel’s mother. I never want to take that from her, but I’m gonna be there for both him and Jax. They are _my_ boys.”

As if his ears were ringing, Jax and Opie decided to make their way back over to Donna and Lena. Opie immediately went straight to Donna, leaning down to kiss her lips. Jax followed behind, taking a seat on the bench next to Lena.

“So, what did you lovely ladies talk about?” Jax questioned, looking back and forth between the women.

“Ladies’ business, you know, something _you_ don’t need to handle.” Lena retorted, giving him a taste of his own medicine, since he was being so secretive all the time. That answer caused Donna to snort out a laugh.

Jax raised his brows in mock surprise. “Is _that_ how it is?”

“That’s _exactly_ how it is, babe.” Lena leaned over and popped a quick kiss onto Jax’s unsuspecting lips.

Jax chuckled, pulling a fresh cigarette from his pocket and quickly lit it up. “You hear that, Ope?” He inhaled the sweet taste of nicotine, before blowing it away from Lena’s direction.

Opie smiled, giving Donna’s shoulder a small squeeze. “Oh, I heard it.”

“You think you’re so smart, huh?” Jax turned to his Old Lady, blowing out another cloud of smoke. Lena just playfully glared his way, and he smiled softly at her childish antics. “So, Ope and I got to head out for a bit.”

“You two gonna be okay?” Opie’s blue eyes gestured between Donna and Lena.

The look on Donna’s face dropped into a look of disappointment. “Where are you going?”

Opie casually glanced over a Jax, before looking back at his wife. “Just gotta take care of some stuff. I promise I’ll be back before the fireworks, since you know it’s my job, and Gemma would have my nuts if I didn’t come back.” He chuckled softly, trying to lighten the mood.

Donna was quiet for a moment, before she reached over and cupped Opie’s bearded face in her small hands. “You promise me, wherever you’re going, you’ll be safe?”

Opie nodded, kissing her lips once more. “Yes, ma’am.”

Jax stood to his feet, stubbing out the cigarette underneath his white sneaker. Lena immediately grabbed the hem of his sweatshirt, forcing his attention on her. “That goes the same for you too. You’ve got responsibilities now.”

“Yes, darlin’.” Jax smirked, bending to press his mouth against Lena’s in a comforting kiss. He gave her a wink, before he and Opie disappeared from the girls’ sight.

Lena looked over at Donna, who looked like she was having a hard time trying to handle all of this. Again, Lena reached over to place a comforting hand on Donna’s. Donna smiled softly at the gesture, as both women looked toward the parking lot where their men had disappeared to.

A few hours had passed, and Jax still hadn’t returned. It was now dark outside, and Lena was getting a little more worried than usual. By now he would have at least texted her, letting her know that he was okay. She was tempted to ask Gemma if she had heard anything, but didn’t want to open up that can of worms.

Donna was now hanging with her kids, so Lena just decided to lean herself against a tree, while sipping on a can of warm ginger-ale. Between the chili she practically inhaled from Unser’s booth and the so called “morning” sickness, that seemed to happen anytime but morning, she had been desperately trying to settle her aggravated stomach. 

To get her mind off Jax and her stomach, Lena turned her attention to the stage since April and Kyle’s son, Charlie, was set to play any minute now. But Kyle was nowhere to be seen. His truck was still there, and so was his barely legal side piece. Lena immediately knew it had something to do with SAMCRO and why they weren’t there.

When Charlie’s band finished their set, Lena sighed heavily, looking down at her phone that was as dry as the Sahara desert.

A few moments later, the first of the fireworks went without a hitch. So, that immediately meant that Opie was back, but where the hell was Jax?

“ _Hey_ ,”

Lena nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt someone grab her by her hips. She quickly turned around prepared to knee whoever it was, that touched her, in the family jewels. When she saw that it was Jax who had given her the mild heart attack, she could have killed him then and there.

“You _asshole_ ,” she playfully shoved him, “you scared the _shit_ out of me.”

“I’m sorry darlin’.” Jax apologized, amusement written on his perfect features. He then reached out to remove a curly tendril, that fallen from her bun, behind her ear, before settling his hands back on her hips.

“You better be.” She replied cheekily, standing on her tiptoes and kissing his lips. “I was worried about you.”

“Well, as you can see I’m in one piece, sweetheart.” He made a show of opening his kutte wider, letting Lena see for herself that he was indeed whole.

“Good.” She grabbed him by his kutte and pulling him to her.

Jax smiled, cupping his calloused fingers beneath her jaw and crashing his mouth against hers, in a heated kiss. 

The sound of the second round of fireworks set off, breaking the pair apart. Lena kissed Jax one last time, turning around in his arms to watch the fireworks together. She then leaned her back against his front, his arms securing themselves around her middle.

Jax’s lips then found their way to Lena’s temple, while his hand splayed against her belly, his thumb gently caressing the place where their child laid nestled away from this world.

When the fireworks finally ended, Lena turned back around in Jax’s arms.

“Hey, whattaya say let’s get out of here and go visit the kid?” Jax asked Lena, tightening his arms around her waist.

“I say that’s perfect.” Lena stood on her tiptoes, pressing her mouth against Jax’s one last time.

Jax and Lena arrived at St. Thomas and walked inside hand in hand They both headed straight to the NICU where Abel’s room was located. On the way there, they ran into Tara, who was standing at the nurses’ station reading over some charts.

The moment Tara made eye contact with the couple, the tension immediately began to manifest.

Lena and Jax, much to Lena’s chagrin, stopped in front of Jax’s doctor ex.

“You mind if I talk to Tara for a bit?” Jax asked Lena, with a bit of hesitation.

Lena looked between both Jax and Tara, feeling the uneasiness boiling in the pit of her stomach. When Jax squeezed her hand in reassurance, Lena finally gave in.

“Sure.”

“Thank you.” Jax let Lena’s hand go, but before securing a kiss to her lips.

Lena hadn’t missed the slight grimace on Tara’s face when she and Jax pulled away. But she just let it go, heading toward Abel’s room. She tried to fight all the insecurities eating at her all at once, the moment she walked into the room. She trusted Jax. Jax loved her. That’s what she knew for sure.

Tara was a non factor in her relationship with Jax.

Or at least that’s what Lena kept telling herself.

“Hey, baby boy.” Lena whispered, approaching Abel’s incubator, looking down at the tiny baby. She decided to focus on what was important.

Abel was getting stronger and stronger everyday. It would be that he’d finally be coming home sooner than expected.

Lena smiled softly reaching into the hole on the side of the incubator to caress the newborn’s tiny closed fist. The moment she made contact, Abel’s fingers twitched and his palm immediately flattened. Lena then placed her index finger underneath his open hand, and just as quickly, he latched on. Like he always did. This time Abel’s fist nearly fit completely around Lena’s finger. He was definitely growing.

Lena turned her head when the door to the room opened, and Jax strolled his way in. She watched, as he made his way to the opposite side of the incubator from her.

“I can’t believe how much bigger he’s gotten.” Jax looked down at his son, with pride in eyes. This was a complete 180 from the man, who just over a week ago didn’t believe that his son would even be alive now.

“Yeah, me either.” Lena said softly, still using her thumb to stroke the back of Abel’s tiny hand.

Jax watched Lena intently, his smile growing. “He’s already getting attached to you.”

Lena giggled, still looking at Abel. “Yeah, you’ve got some competition, buddy.”

“I don’t mind that.” Jax retorted, honestly. “Just as long as it’s with our son.”

Lena immediately look at Jax, not sure she heard what she thought she heard. “ _Our_ son?”

Jax nodded, laying a hand on top of Abel’s incubator. “Until Wendy can get her shit together, you’re his mother, Lee. And even then. You’ve been here every step of the way.”

Lena smiled brightly at Jax’s declaration, before looking back down at Abel.

At that time, Jax looked out the window and that Tara was standing right outside. He gave her a warm smile, and she returned the gesture.

As Tara stood outside of Abel’s room, she looked inside at her ex and the new love of his life. She realized how Jax looked so happy in there with his son and Lena.

When Tara first arrived back in Charming, she had no intention of ever getting back in with Jax Teller. She had convinced herself that he was poison and that reconciling with him would one of the worst decisions she could make. Especially after the hell she went through with her current ex-boyfriend and federal agent, Kohn, who was now intent on stalking her every move. But when Jax Teller smiled at her, the way he used to all those years ago, all those suppressed feelings came rushing back to her. Being around him, she was like that 16 year old rebellious teenage girl falling head over heels for the biker bad boy with a heart of gold and a smile that could knock anyone off their feet.

Tara sighed heavily trying to keep those feelings pushed back. She wasn’t going to interfere in Jax’s life again. 

She _couldn’t_.

In her hands, Tara held onto a brown envelope that one of the nurses had handed her just as Jax and Lena had made their grand entrance. The only thing on the cover was that it was addressed to her. It didn’t say where it was from.

Tearing the seal open, Tara reached inside and pulled out an 8x10. As she turned it over, her heart clenched in her chest, and her stomach dropped.

Tara’s beautiful green eyes burned with fresh tears, as she looked back into the room at Jax and Lena bonding together as a family for baby Abel. Then she looked back down at the 8x10 burning a hole through her hands.

The 8x10 was a photo. A photo of said pair, currently occupying Abel’s room, in a moment that she knew was meant to be private. The photograph had exposed the two of them in the most compromising and intimate of positions. It made her sick to her stomach at the thought of Jax and Lena being intimate, but seeing actual, physical proof, made her want to throw up all over the place.

 **2:23 AM, LAST NIGHT** were the only things written on the photo.

Tara stared at it, and the couple, who was completely oblivious that she was holding such a damaging photo, a few more times, before she had had enough. She just swallowed thickly, shoving the photo back into the envelope and disappeared from their sight.

When Jax looked up out of the window one last time, he was disappointed to not see Tara standing there anymore. His eyes wandered around, trying to find out where she had disappeared too. But she was no longer in his vision, so he turned his attention back to Abel and Lena, not realizing that Lena had been cautiously watching him as well.


	5. Chapter Five

  


(gifs not mine, found on google)

## Chapter 5:

Jax pulled his bike to a complete stop in the driveway of Tara Knowles’ home. Sitting idle, he waited patiently for his ex-girlfriend to hop off the back.

“Thanks for the lift.” Tara smiled softly, removing the helmet he gave her and handing it back to him.

Jax returned the smile, taking his helmet back. “It’s no problem.” When Tara had called him earlier asking for ride home, he just couldn’t find a way to say no. 

Tara Knowles was the love of Jax’s life. She was the girl that he almost left everything for. If he hadn’t been so devoted to his family and the club, he could have walked away. But he didn’t, and when he begged her to stay, she still left. 

Jax was heartbroken the day he found out that she had packed her things and left without a word. Now, 10 years later, here she was, and it had him questioning everything.

When Jax first found out that Tara was back, he ran through so many scenarios in his head of what exactly would happen when they would see each other for the first time. Most of them had to do with him being angry and lashing out at her for leaving. But none of which, according to how he pictured it, happened.

Not only was Jax affected by Tara’s sudden reappearance, he knew it was weighing heavy on Lena too.

Lena was there when Jax needed someone the most. She put his broken pieces back together, and she loved him despite all of his flaws. She accepted that the club was apart of his life and never tried to change it or him. Lena was perfect in every sense, and if she ever left, he wasn’t so sure that he’d be able to handle that.

But now with Tara back in town, it was getting harder for Jax to ignore the pull that his former love had over him.

“Where’s the Cutlass?” Jax asked Tara, looking around for her father’s old car that she had been driving since coming back.

“Oh, it’s at the hospital.” Tara sputtered, looking down at her feet uncomfortably.

“Still not running right?”

Tara shook her head, her attention now taken to her surroundings. She had an eerie feeling creepy up her spine. She knew that he was around. She could feel it in her bones. “It’s running okay.”

Jax immediately sensed that something was up with ex, due to her strange, nervous behavior. “This worry, I’m getting here…that have anything to do with that car that’s been following us?”

At that mention, Tara immediately panicked and raced toward her front door, desperately trying to unlock it.

“ _Tara_!” Jax called out, shutting off the engine, and quickly hopping off. He followed Tara right up to her front door, grabbing her elbow and gently turning toward him. “What the hell’s going on?”

Tara sighed heavily, shutting her eyes. She was trying to collect her bearings, before deciding to come clean to Jax. “That ATF agent that’s been looking into you guys? I think he’s here for me.”

Jax’s brows furrowed in confusion. “What the hell are you talking about?”

Tara released a shuddering breath. “I was with him in Chicago.” She confessed. “It got violent. I tried to end it. He started stalking me. He came by the hospital last week, and he talked to Lena.”

Now Jax was angry. “He _talked_ to Lena?”

Tara nodded, absentmindedly playing her keys. “I don’t know what he said to her, but she was really spooked when she tried to confront me about — _Jax_! _Don’t_!” Tara called out after Jax, as he was already down her driveway. “He’s dangerous.” She warned.

“Go _back_ inside, Tara.” Jax demanded, as he continued angrily down her driveway. “Lock the door.”

Jax then pulled his knife from the leather holder on his hip, marching right up to the silver, compact vehicle that had been parked curbside. He then forcibly stabbed the grill, immediately puncturing the radiator. The car hissed loudly and smoke began to billow from the hood.

Federal Agent Josh Kohn hastily hopped out of the car, anger pulsing through his veins. “ _Vandalism_. _Deadly_ weapon. That’s six months in county, asshole.”

“ _Violating_ a restraining order.” Jax spat back, standing in front of Kohn intimidatingly. “You’ll be in the cell next to me. They teach you how to suck dick in ATF school?”

“Badass biker.” Kohn scoffed in sarcasm.

Jax shook his head dismissively. “You guys gave it your best shot—you got nothing on SAMCRO. And you harassing Tara, ends here. Also, come near my Old Lady, again, and next time it won’t be a piece of shit car I’m draining fluid from.”

Kohn ripped his aviators from his face in disbelief. “You threatening a federal agent?”

Jax stepped closer to Kohn, shoving a finger in his face. “I’m threatening you.” He then turned on his heels and walked back to Tara’s, but not before telling Kohn, “go away. It’s my last warning.”

“‘ _Real isn’t how you are made, said the Skin Horse’.” Lena read aloud, rocking back and forth in her chair. “‘It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become rea_ l”.”

Lena smiled to herself, closing the book in her hands. She then brushed a gentle hand across the front cover, as she felt the warmth course through her veins.

 **The Velveteen Rabbit** , it read.

When Lena was a little girl, her father read this book to her every single night before going to bed. It was her favorite book. She thought it was lost forever when she and her mother moved to Charming after her dad had passed. That was until she was randomly in her basement digging through some old baby boxes, in hopes of finding something for Abel, when she found the book stuck inside an old music box belonging to her mother.

The book’s cover was wrinkled and partially faded from years of wear and tear, but all of the pages were intact. So, Lena thought she’d bring the book to the hospital to read to Abel, as Gemma and Jax had already been doing. She’d hoped that the book would make him feel the same as it made her feel when she was little.

“Well, buddy,” Lena leaned forward in the rocking chair, placing a hand on Abel’s incubator, “that’s it for today. Your crazy grandma needs me to help finish up your room at your daddy’s house. So, we’re gonna have to continue this another day.”

Lena couldn’t believe that this was the same baby as a few weeks ago. Abel was getting stronger and healthier by the day.

Lena then went to stuff the book back in her bag, standing to her feet. A slight wave of dizziness hit, but it was gone the second after it hit, so she just ignored it. She pulled her purse on her shoulder and stopped by Abel’s incubator one last time. “Don’t tell grandma I called her crazy, yeah? Let’s just keep this between you and me.” She smiled as she watched his tiny chest rise and fall with every breath, taking that as his promise.

Lena waved goodbye to the nurses, who she had gotten to know over the past couple of weeks, since coming to visit Abel nearly everyday. As she made her way out of St. Thomas, she walked up to her car; her mother’s ‘97 convertible mustang.

Hopping into the car, Lena checked her phone for missing calls, hoping to have one from Jax, since she hadn’t heard from him all morning. And of course, like the past month or so, there wasn’t anything.

But Lena did have a missed call from Gemma.

“Jesus _Christ_ , Gemma. I’m _coming_.” Lena seethed, not bothering to call Gemma back. She just casually tossed her phone onto the passenger seat and went to start the car.

Slipping the key in the ignition, Lena went to turn it over. The car sputtered and shook, as if it was going to turn on, like it usually did, but it did not.

“ _Fuckin_ ’ great.” Lena cursed in frustration. It was just two months ago that Jax had fixed the alternator in this piece of junk car. What more did it want?

Lena sighed heavily, trying one more time. The car turned over, and she pressed her boot clad foot down on the brake.

“ _C’mon_. _C’mon_.” She repeated, in a mantra, to herself, in hopes that by some miracle that the car will start.

And her prayers were answered when the car finally started.

“ _Yes_.” Lena hissed in triumph, as she placed her car in reverse and backed out of the hospital parking lot.

It took Lena no time to arrive at Jax’s house, but she was surprised and very much confused to find his bike parked in the driveway. She then parked her car right behind Gemma’s truck and hopped out. As she made her way into the house, since the door was weirdly unlocked, she heard the sound of Jax’s voice coming from the nursery. He sounded angry and irritated.

“…and how’s this her fault?” Jax spat to his mother, when Lena walked through the door.

“What’s going on?” Lena eyed both Jax and Gemma, before looking around the room that was completely destroyed. “Jesus, what the hell happened here?” Even the carpet felt squishy underneath her feet.

“Hey,” Jax immediately panicked, walking over to Lena. He immediately gripped her hips, trying to subtly push her out of the room, before she saw the true damage hanging on the wall. “Why don’t you—”

It was too late.

Lena’s vision was directed to the wall in front of her, and her heart quickly fell into the pit of her stomach at what she saw.

Taped on the wall were a cluster of photos, including one of Jax and Opie when they were kids. Their faces had been scratched out. But that wasn’t the photo that caused Lena’s heart to stop.

The photo, dead center in the chaotic mess, was a very intimate photo of her and Jax from the other night at her house.

 _Where the hell did this come_?

“ _Oh my God_.” Lena whispered, covering her mouth with a shaky hand, feeling sick to her stomach. She fought against Jax’s hold, not believing what her eyes were seeing. “Where—” she choked, pointing at the photo, turning back to face Jax. “Where did that come from?”

Jax sighed heavily, now reaching up to cup her face. “C’mon. We need to get you out of here. This stress isn’t good for you.”

Lena was still in shock, not taking her eyes off of the photo, as Jax walked her out of the nursery and into the living room. Jax then helped her sit down on the couch.

“Jax,” Lena whispered, two tears slipping down her cheeks, “how? Why?”

Jax crouched in front of Lena, using his thumb to wipe away her tears. “It was Kohn.”

Lena eyed Jax in confusion. “That ATF agent?”

Jax nodded. “He’s been stalking Tara.”

Lena kind of figured that, but, “why would he—”

Jax cut her off, cupping her face again, “hey, this has got _nothing_ to do with you, okay?”

Lena looked down at the floor, thinking back to her own encounter with the federal agent. This might have a little to do with her.

“It might, Jax.” Lena turned to look at him. She thought that letting what happened with Kohn go and not telling Jax was the right thing. But now she was thinking that she was wrong, and Jax needed to know the truth. “The night that I told you I was pregnant, earlier that day I found him lurking outside of Abel’s room at the hospital.”

Jax was quiet for a second, before saying, “Tara told me that he creeped you out. What did he _do_ , Lee?”

Lena tried not to roll her eyes in her annoyance. Of course Tara told Jax that she had a run in with Kohn. “I asked him what he was doing outside of Abel’s room. He told me he was a friend of Tara’s and a federal agent. He then wanted me to answer some questions about you. I told him no and,” she swallowed thickly, “and he…grabbed me. It wasn’t even the grabbing that got to me, it was more so the look in his eyes that made me uneasy.”

Jax’s nostrils flared, anger filling his lungs with every harsh breath he took. He was gonna kill Kohn. “Why _didn’t_ you _tell_ me?”

Lena shrugged. “I knew how you’d react, Jax. Since he was investigating **SAMCRO** , I didn’t want to make it worse for you guys.”

Jax huffed, quickly standing to his feet. The anger was still vibrating off of him. “He’s _dead_.” He muttered, heading toward the front door.

“Where are you going?” Lena called, following right behind Jax.

Jax stopped and turned around to face Lena. “You stay here.” He demanded. “Don’t go anywhere. The clubhouse. Your house. I don’t even want you going to the gas station to get a goddamn candy bar. You’re staying here.”

“Don’t worry, I got her, Jackson.” Gemma appeared behind Lena, with a hand on her son’s girlfriend’s shoulder.

Jax looked at his mom, nodding in understanding. He then reached forward and grabbed Lena’s face, planting a hard kiss on her lips, before disappearing out the door.

“C’mon, sweetie.” Gemma, still holding onto Lena’s shoulder, walked her back to the couch, where both ladies take a seat. Gemma then reached over and grabbed Lena’s hands and brought them into her lap. “Pregnant?”

Lena looked up into Gemma’s sparkling eyes, wincing at the face that she left that little bit of information slip. “Shit, Gem. I’m sorry. That wasn’t exactly the way I wanted to tell you.” 

Gemma waved her off dismissively. “Doesn’t matter.”

Lena’s brows furrowed in confusion. “You sure? I know it’s not the ideal situation with Abel being born premature and Jax and I have only been together for a few months–”

Gemma raised a hand to stop Lena’s rambling. “I know, sweetheart. But Jax cares for you so much, and I know for a fact that this baby will be loved unconditionally. Now c’mere.” She then reached out, pulling Lena into a motherly bear hug.

This was the Gemma that Lena loved. Yes, the woman was brash, chaotic, and sometimes down right rude, but Gemm loved her family with everything she had. And Lena really admired that.

“You want me to make you some tea, darlin’?” When they pulled apart, Gemma asked pushing a few strands of hair out of Lena’s face.

Lena just nodded, watching as Gemma stood to her feet to head toward the kitchen.

A few hours later Gemma sat at the kitchen table of her son’s home. While Jax was still gone and Lena was resting, she had scrubbed the entire house from top to bottom. She had gotten rid of any evidence that Kohn was ever in the house, burning all of those photos, including the very intimate photo of her son and his now pregnant girlfriend. 

Gemma was currently nursing a cigarette in one hand, while sipping on a now barely lukewarm cup of muddy, black coffee. It was then when heard the sound of the front door open, followed by Jax limping his way into the kitchen.

“ _Jesus Christ_ , Jax,” Gemma winced, stubbing out her cigarette in the ashtray, before standing to her feet. “What the _hell_ happened?”

Jax quickly declined his mother’s help, dropped his body into the seat opposite of hers. He then reached into his jean pockets, pulling out his own pack of cigarettes.

Gemma then sat back down, eyeing her son up down, cautiously. “You’re gonna tell me what happened?”

Jax took a long drag of his now lit cigarette, letting the sweet taste of nicotine course through his system, and then releasing the smoke in erotic circles. “Kohn is out of our hair. He won’t be bothering us anymore.”

“So, he’s _gone_?” Gemma questioned, trying to get better clarification.

“He left town.” Jax stated clearly, blowing another cloud of smoke out. “I made sure of that.”

“And that?” Gemma nodded toward his injured leg.

“A scratch.” Jax retorted with a sarcastic smirk on his face.

“ _Asshole_.” Gemma shook her head at her menacing son, reaching for another cigarette from Jax’s box on that was sitting on the table.

Jax stubbed his cigarette out in the tray, with a sly grin on his face. He then eyed his surroundings, not hearing a peep coming from anywhere. “Where’s Lee?”

“Sleeping.” Gemma stated, taking a drag of her cigarette and leaned back in her chair. “As women normally do in her condition.” She told him cheekily. “ _Pregnant_ , Jax? _Really_?”

Jax sighed heavily, leaning forward on the table. “Isn’t this what you wanted? Grandkids?”

“Don’t get smart with me.” Gemma blew out a cloud of smoke. “Could you have at least waited until Abel was out of the hospital, before you went and knocked up your girlfriend? Jesus.”

Jax shrugged nonchalantly. “Shit happens. It’s my kid, and they are both now my responsibility. I’m gonna do whatever I can to take care of them.”

“Well, you better.” Gemma bit, now stubbing out this cigarette. 

Then Jax’s cell phone interrupted their chat. He immediately reached into his front jean pocket and pulled out the phone. He flipped it open, and his brows furrowed when he saw the name on the screen.

“Hey,” he answered, “ _wait_ , _wait_ , Tara, _Tara_ , slow down. What’s going on? A’ight, I’ll be there as soon as I can.” He quickly snapped the phone shut, before standing to his feet.

“ _Tara_?” Gemma questioned in confusion, but mostly irritation. She knew that the good doctor was up to no good. “What the hell does that girl want?”

Jax shoved the phone back into his pocket, re-situating his kutte. “She sounded panicked, and needs me to come over.”

Gemma rolled her forest green eyes in annoyance. “Just be careful, Jackson. I know what Tara does to you, and I don’t want you doing something you might regret. You got a beautiful, _pregnant_ Old Lady. Don’t _fuck_ this up, son.”

“I know what I’m doing.” Jax told his mother, leaning forward to kiss her cheek. “Stay with Lena.”

Gemma nodded, watching as Jax disappeared from her sight. She then picked up her cup of coffee, taking a sip, replaying Jax’s last words in her head.

“ _I know what I’m doing_.”

“Yeah right.” Gemma muttered to herself, taking another sip.

It was just a little later, and Jax still hadn’t come home from his Tara emergency. Gemma called Clay to let him know that she was more than likely staying at Jax’s house for the night, telling him not to worry about her whereabouts. She then set herself up to sleep on the couch.

As Gemma went to removed her heeled boots, Lena appeared from Jax’s bedroom.

“Hey, what are you doing up?” Gemma asked looking over her shoulder, when she heard Lena muttered her name. She then noticed that Lena wasn’t looking too well and was walking a tad bit abnormal.

Gemma was immediately on her, making her way over to Lena.

“I don’t feel so good, Gem.” Lena limped toward her boyfriend’s mother. Her usually golden brown skin, looked gray and dull. Her eyes were also blotchy and red, as if she had been crying nonstop.

The color from Gemma’s face drained, as she noticed the dark red stain gathering on the seat of Lena’s grey pajama pants.

“ _Shit_.” Gemma hissed, barely catching Lena, as the young woman collapsed in her arms. “It’s okay, sweetheart.” She pulled Lena closer to her, with a reassuring back rub. “I’m gonna get you to St. Thomas. Everything is gonna be okay.”

Jax rushed through the doors of St. Thomas emergency room, as fast as his still injured leg could take him, and immediately spotted Gemma. He noticed that she was receiving much needed comfort from Clay, who had arrived about a half an hour before he did.

When Gemma saw Jax approaching, she stood to her feet and met him halfway.

“What happened?” Jax nervously asked his mother. He had been in the middle of dealing with Tara’s situation, before he finally listened to the 50th message that Gemma had left him on both of his burners. She had told him that there was some complications and that she was taking Lena to St. Thomas.

Gemma shook her head, reaching out to give Jax’s arms a comforting squeeze. “I don’t know, son.”

Jax hesitated, terrified of hearing the answer to his next question. “How’s the baby?”

Gemma’s face fell, and Jax immediately knew. “I’m so sorry, Jackson. She lost the baby."


	6. Chapter Six

## Chapter 6:

“ _I’m so sorry, Jackson. She lost the baby_.”

Jax felt his heart fall into the pit of his stomach, as he took a step back from his mother’s reach. “She _lost_ ,” he choked, “she lost the baby?”

Gemma swallowed thickly, nodding her head. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”

Jax then ran a hand across his tired face, trying to qualm his growing emotions. “Where is she?”

“She’s in there.” Clay stepped up, planting a comforting hand on Gemma’s shoulder. He then pointed to the room that was right behind them.

Jax immediately sidestepped his mother and stepfather, heading toward the room, desperate to see Lena.

“Jax,” Gemma called out to stop him, “she’s resting right now. They gave her a sedative for the pain.”

Jax just ignored his mother and made his way into the room. The moment he shut the door behind himself, the image he saw nearly broke his heart. Lena was laying turned away from the door. She was curled into the fetal position, soundly asleep.

Jax swallowed the lump at the back of his throat, just looking at her form. His guilt quickly started eating at him. If he hadn’t been dealing with Tara, and Kohn, which for sure he thought had left town, then he could have been here for Lena.

Releasing a deep breath, Jax cautiously made his way toward Lena. When he finally stopped right in front of her, he ran a soothing hand across her cheek, before bending forward to place a gentle kiss against her forehead.

Lena began to stir a bit at the contact, and her eyes fluttered open. She was relieved to see that Jax was finally here. “Jax.” She barely choked out.

“I’m here, baby.” Jax stroked his calloused thumb against the softness of her cheek.

Lena’s bottom lip trembled, as she grabbed ahold of his kutte and pulling him further to her. “I’m so sorry, Jax.”

Jax shook his head, feeling his own tears start to burn the back of his eyes. “Baby, this is not your fault, okay.” He whispered, leaning forward to brush a gentle kiss across her lips, before gathering her into his arms.

Lena clutched onto Jax as much as she could, as released a full body sob into his chest. 

Lena was finally released from the hospital the following morning. Jax was by her side every step of the way, even helping her into Gemma’s truck, and following right behind them on his bike.

Lena had barely spoken a word since she had cried herself to sleep in Jax’s arms the night before. When the doctor, who came to release her, asked her how she was feeling, she replied with one simple word: _empty_.

Upon hearing her say that word caused Jax’s heart to break a little more. The guilt for leaving her that night for Tara still eating away at him.

When they arrived back at the house, Jax helped lay Lena down into what was now their bed. He then sadly watched as she curled herself away from him.

“Hey,” Jax sat down on the bed behind her, his hand splayed against her hip, “you need anything?”

Lena sniffled, wiping a stray tear, and shook her head. Her only answer.

“Baby,” Jax exhausted, “I want to help you. What can I do?”

Things were quiet for a few seconds, and Jax thought Lena wasn’t going to answer, until she squeaked out, “where were you last night?”

That question caught Jax off guard. He didn’t know exactly what to say. If he told her the truth then he would run the risk of her shutting down on him. But he didn’t want to lie to her either. So, he just stayed silent.

“So,” Lena whispered softly, “I’ll take your silence as you were with Tara.”

Jax sighed heavily. “She needed my help with Kohn.”

Lena was quiet for another few moments, before she choked, “ _I_ needed you.” 

Jax released a shuddering breath, leaning forward on his elbows, and shoving his face in his hands. He had no idea what to do here. So, after a few minutes of silence, he stood his feet and then leaned over to kiss her temple.

“I’ll be back.” He told her, but he didn’t receive an answer.

Jax then made his way out of the room only to find Gemma waiting in the hallway.

“How is she?” Gemma walked up to her son, seeing the pain in his blue eyes.

Jax sighed heavily, looking back at the room and then back at his mother. “Not good, mom. I want to help her, but I’m sure I know how.”

Gemma folded her arms together in a comforting manner. “She’s gonna be fine, Jackson. She just needs some time. She just lost a baby. That’s a traumatic thing to go through. You just need to give her that time. You need me to stay with her while you meet with the club?”

Jax looked back at room once again, thinking about it for a second, before he shook his head. “Nah, I think I’m gonna stay here with her. Make sure she eats and shit. You go home.” He reached forward and gave her arms a gentle squeeze.

“You sure?” Gemma questioned, and he nodded. “Okay, sweetheart.” She then pulled him into a hug and kissing his cheek. “You call if you need anything.”

“I will.” Jax told his mother, as he walked her out of his house. Gemma gave him one last hug before he closed and locked the door.

Releasing another sigh, Jax removed his kutte, hanging it on the coat rack, and walked back to the bedroom. As he opened the door, he found her in the same position he had left her in just a few minutes ago, but this time she was asleep. He proceeded to pull his hoodie over his head, along with his white t-shirt, dropping them onto the floor. He finally toed off his white sneakers and removed his jeans, before climbing into the bed next to Lena.

Jax watched Lena for a few moments, as her body rose and fell with every breath she took. He then grabbed her hands, and she subconsciously draped her body across his, snuggling closer into his warmth. He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and laid her open palm against his bare chest.

The next morning Lena’s eyes fluttered open, and she was graced with the presence of the most beautiful, crystal blue eyes that she loved so much.

“Hey,” Jax ran a soothing hand across her mountain of curls, “I gotta go take care of some club shit, okay. I’ll be back in a little while.”

Lena just nodded her head, still not feeling up to speaking.

Jax sighed, kissing her forehead softly. “I made you some tea.” He pointed to the steaming cup on the bedside table. “And there’s some eggs and toast in the microwave.”

And this was what Jax did every morning for the next several days. The first two days he would come home disappointed to find that the eggs and toast were still in the microwave and the tea was barely touched. Then the following day, the tea was drunk and the toast was eaten. Then yesterday all of it was gone.

Today, to Jax’s shock and surprise, Lena was finally up and about.

“Hey,” Jax said walking into the bedroom to find Lena tying the straps of her boots. “You’re up?”

Lena looked up at Jax, giving him a warm smile. This was the first time in days that she had smiled. “Yeah, I figured it was time to finally stop grieving. I’m sorry I’ve been such a recluse.”

Jax shook his head dismissively, shoving his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. “Stop. Please, don’t blame yourself for any of this. None of it is your fault. The doctor said that sometimes it just happens. No reasons why.”

“I know.” Lena replied desolately. “But I can’t help but feel like it is.” Jax went to tell her that she didn’t need to, but couldn’t form the words, when she stood to her feet and approached him. “I just want to thank you for giving me the time that I needed.” She stood on the tips of her toes and pressed her lips softly against his and quickly pulled away.

“Where you going?” Jax questioned, watching as she reached for her things.

“Just to stop by my house really quick, grab some more things, then I’m gonna head to the clubhouse. I can’t stay in this room like _this_ any longer.” She told him, and before he could protest, she disappeared from his sight.

Lena arrived at the clubhouse a short time later. She walked in to see Clay and Piney sitting at the bar with some strange guy she had never seen before.

“Well, well, well, look who’s back on her feet.” Clay announced with a smile on his face, as he saw Lena making her way toward them. “What are you doing here?”

Lena approached the MC President, giving him a warm hug and a kiss on the cheek. “I just figured you needed me to get back to work.”

Clay shook his head dismissively. “That’s nonsense, girl. You could take all the time you need.”

“No,” Lena responded, heading behind the bar to put her things away, “I have to do something. I can’t just wallow anymore.”

“How’re you feeling?” Piney question, placing a comforting hand on hers.

Lena looked down at the gesture, a million thoughts running through her mind. After she had the miscarriage, news of her failed pregnancy spread like wildfire through the MC. Some of the croweaters, she didn’t know about, and even the Nevada charter, were sending in their condolences. She was grateful for their support, but she was also tired of it. She just wanted to not think of it anymore. Every time she did, that emptiness she now felt would start to suffocate her.

“I’m okay, Piney.” Lena swallowed thickly, giving her grandfather’s closest friend a warm smile back. She then looked over to the strange man who was sitting there quietly, sipping on his mug of beer. “Hi.”

“Hi.” The guy nodded a little too skittishly.

“Lee, this is Chucky. Chucky, this is Lena, Jax’s Old Lady.” Clay introduced the two of them.

Lena went to shake Chucky’s outstretched hand when Piney not so subtly placed his hand over hers, stopping her actions. She turned to the old man, giving him a look of confusion, and he just shook his head in warning.

Lena then soon found out why.

Chucky, feeling a bit rejected by Lena, immediately stuck his hand down his khaki pants and started jackhammering on his genitals.

Lena choked back, standing there wide eyed really not believing her eyes. This strange man, that she had never met until today, was actually masturbating in front of the three of them. She then turned to look at Clay and Piney, and they both reassured her that she wasn’t going crazy.

“Yeah,” Clay began, “he’s got that, what do you call it?” He turned to look at Chucky. “Compuls–”

“Compulsive Masturbation Disorder, _CMD_.” Chucky explained, still going to town on himself.

Lena pulled a face of disgust, but still not looking away. It was like watching a car wreck, and Chucky was showing no signs of stopping.

“Alright,” Clay boasted, “get your goddamn hands out of your pants, Chucky. There’s a lady present.”

Chucky stopped, looking over at Lena, who still had yet to look away. “Oh, I’m sorry, Miss.” He immediately removed his hand from his pants. “Sorry about that. It literally has a mind of its own. Especially without my meds.”

“I guess it’s all good.” Lena commented, before looking at Piney and Clay once more. “I thought boys got over that after 13.” She joked.

Both Piney and Clay cracked a small smile.

“Hey, sweetheart, could you us give a few? We gotta talk business.” Clay questioned.

Lena nodded. “Okay, I guess I’ll be in the back doing some inventory.”

“Thank you.” Clay told her. “Glad to have you back.”

Lena gave Clay another warm smile, before retreating into the back kitchen. When she got there, she noticed the boxes of the delivered alcohol piled high, in the corner, as if they had been waiting for her. It was always like this. If she didn’t show up for a day or two, things would just go to the wayside, waiting for her to come. It was almost as if she were running the bar herself.

Lena just sighed and dived in. At least dealing with this, she didn’t have to deal with all the other shit on her mind.

A little later on, Lena found herself arranging and cleaning the liquor shelf back out front. She had completed the much needed inventory, and was now tasking herself with doing other things. As, again, if she wouldn’t do it, then no one would.

The clubhouse was completely dead. Clay and Piney disappeared with that masturbating freak, so it just left her and maybe one or two other people. The rest of the MC would more than likely show up a little later on.

As Lena turned to write down some notes of things she had missed, that needed to be ordered, her stomach dropped at the sight of Tara Knowles casually strolling her way inside. This woman had the worst time of showing up unexpectedly. Tara was literally the last person that Lena needed or even wanted to see right now.

“What are you doing here?” Lena questioned, when Tara cautiously approached her. “Jax isn’t here.”

Tara nodded nervously. “I know. I’m here to see you, actually.”

Lena’s brows furrowed in confusion. What could possibly be the reason that the good doctor needed to see her? “ _Me_? Why?”

Tara cleared her throat, taking a seat a seat at the bar. “Jax told me what happened, and I wanted to personally offer my condolences.”

Lena actually giggled at that. This bitch wasn’t serious, was she? “Your _condolences_? Your _condolences_?” Lena questioned in confusion, but then realized how much the sight of this woman was making her angry. “You know what Tara? You know what you can do with your condolences? You can shove your condolences right up your skinny ass.” She spat bitterly. 

Lena was too emotionally unstable to deal with Tara at this moment. Just thinking about Jax not being with her, the time when she needed him the most, to help Tara deal with her psycho stalker ex-boyfriend, caused the blood to boil in Lena’s system. 

“ _Excuse_ me?” Tara looked at Lena a little taken aback.

Lena was even a little surprised at her sudden outburst of anger toward the doctor, but she wasn’t done. Not by far. “I don’t know what you thought by coming here and offering your _condolences_ was gonna do when you and I both know that it’s _bullshit_.”

“It’s not _bullshit_ , Lena.” Tara muttered in shock.

“It’s _not_?” Lena looked at Tara and all she still felt was pure anger. “You say that you’re not here _for_ Jax -that you didn’t come back to Charming _for_ Jax- but yet every time I see him, you’re lurking in the vicinity. And now you’re here.”

“I’m his son’s surgeon.” Tara tried to justify.

“Is that what you tell yourself at night, Tara? To make yourself feel better?”

“Look,” Tara released a deep breath, “I just came here to–”

Lena quickly cut her off. “I know _exactly_ what you just came here to do. Look, you and me, we need to get a few things straight, Tara. First, you being around Jax, relying on him to deal with your shit, _that_ ends now.” Tara went to protest when Lena stopped her and continued. “And second, you need to learn your place. _I’m_ Jax’s Old Lady, not you. You gave that up 10 years ago. If you want to call this marking my territory, have the _fuck_ at it. But Jax is _mine_. So, stay away from him and stay the _hell_ away from me. Are we understood?”

Tara pursed her lips, trying to figure out what she was going to say next. But she thought better of it and just nodded her head. “Fine.”

“Now, I need you to leave, and take your shitty condolences with you.”

Tara hesitated for a moment, before standing up from her seat, and walking out of the clubhouse.

Lena watched as Tara disappeared from her sight. The bottle she hadn’t realized that she was still holding onto, shook uncontrollably. She itched to throw the bottle across the room to let her emotions loose, but instead she poured herself a shot. And for good measure, she poured herself three more.

The clubhouse was now hustling and bustling with patrons, as Lena had expected it to. She was busy, tending behind the bar, pouring drinks and taking shots with the members of **SAMCRO** that had showed up. Of course, Jax wasn’t with them, and at this point, Lena didn’t really care.

“How you feelin’, baby girl?” Tig asked, sipping his beer bottle.

“I’m feeling better.” Lena replied, trying to push down the urge of telling folks to stop asking her that.

“Yeah, Jackie boy was tellin’ us you were takin’ it pretty hard.” Chibs commented, as Lena poured him a shot. “Just so you know, **SAMCRO** is here for you. Whatever you need.”

Tig nodded in agreement.

“Thanks boys.” Lena gave them a warm smile, this time pouring two more shots. One for Tig and one for herself.

The three of them toasted, clinking their glasses together, and throwing the shots back. Lena winced feeling the burn of the liquor hitting the back of her throat. She was now definitely starting to feel it. When she looked up she saw Jax making his way over to her.

“Hey, babe,” Lena greeted him.

“Hey.”

Lena offered him a shot, but he turned it down. She just shrugged and took it herself, receiving praise from Tig and Chibs.

“How many of those have you had tonight?” Jax looked at Lena with concern written in his blue eyes. Lena just shrugged and shot back another. “Maybe you need to slow down a bit. You’re gonna make yourself sick.”

Lena rolled her eyes annoyed and poured herself another shot. “I’m _fine_ , Jax.” She went to toss that one back, before he stopped her.

Jax took the shot from her hands. “Can we talk?”

Lena sighed heavily, setting the bottle down, and making her way around the bar. Jax then downed the shot for himself, setting the shot glass down on the bar table, before patting Chib’s back and taking Lena back to the apartments.

Lena went and sat on the bed, while Jax shut the door behind them. “So, what’s up?”

Jax joined her. “So, I got, um, got some good news. Abel is coming out of the incubator tomorrow and we can finally hold him.”

At the mention of Abel, Lena felt a stabbing pain in her chest. It had been days since she’d seen him, since that day, and hearing that he was getting better that they’d be able to actually hold him, should have been the good news that she needed to hear. And for some reason, it wasn’t. 

But she couldn’t let Jax know that. “That’s great, Jax.”

Jax nodded, smiling. “He should be coming home real soon.”

That was also something that Lena couldn’t bare to hear, but she pushed all of those feelings down. “That’s awesome. I’m so happy.” She pasted on a big smile.

Jax looked at her, noticing that her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Hey, you would tell me if you’re not okay, right?”

Lena swallowed thickly, leaning forward and pressed her mouth against his. Jax was caught off guard by the kiss, but quickly melted into it. She then grabbed the lapels of his kutte, pulling him further toward her, as they fell back on the bed. Their mouths were still fused together in a tight liplock.

Jax cupped his hand beneath Lena’s jaw, as their kiss continued to deepen.

Then suddenly the door to the apartment door was opened, and the pair pulled apart.

“Hey, man, sorry to interrupt,” Opie stood awkwardly by the door, “we got a problem. Mayans.”

Jax nodded at his best friend. “Yeah, I’ll be out in a minute.”

Opie also nodded, shutting the door.

Jax sighed, running a hand through his shaggy hair. “You gonna be okay?” He turned to look at Lena.

“Yeah, of course.” Lena told him, not quite making eye contact with her boyfriend.

Jax, again, cupping her face in his hands, leaned forward and kissed her lips. He then stood to his feet and headed out of the door.

Lena sat there for a few seconds after Jax had left. All of a sudden, her body was starting to shake, and she felt the tears stinging her eyes. But nipped that in the bud quickly, swallowing it all down. She then ran a hand through her now straightened locks and stood to her feet. If she was telling people that she was fine, she needed to play the part.

Lena awoke the next morning, and like always, Jax wasn’t there. But when she rolled over, she found a note written from him, laying on his pillow. He was requesting that she meet him at the hospital like they’d disgusted the night before.

Lena read the note over and over again. She had contemplated on not going. Especially, since her emotions were all over the place, and she knew that Abel shouldn’t be exposed to that. But she fought against it. She also knew that Abel didn’t deserve her abandonment. It wasn’t that baby’s fault that she had lost her own. So, she just decided to suck it up and go see him.

After getting dressed, Lena had made her way to the kitchen to make herself a cup of coffee. As she rummaged through the mess of the cabinets for some sugar, something quickly caught her eye. She swallowed thickly, her fingers brushing against the smoothness of the glass, before pulling it down to her. She stared at the swishing clear liquid, as it stared tauntingly back at her. This must have been from Wendy’s secret stash that was left behind.

Lena thought about shoving the bottle back behind the other crap in the cabinet she got it from, but the ache in her chest realized how much it was calling out to her to numb her pain.

Without any further thought, Lena dumped her coffee and cup into the sink and grabbed a glass instead. Pouring herself a generous amount, she didn’t hesitate to toss it down, feeling the immediate burn as it hit the back of her throat. When she finished, she went to pour herself another, but was disappointed to find the bottle empty.

Feeling the ache in chest growing and the guilt resonating in the pit of her stomach, Lena released a mournful sigh. She then tossed the bottle and the glass into the sink, causing them both to nearly shatter. With a shaky hand, she ran it across her sleek ponytail in frustration.

What the hell was going on with me? Lena thought to herself.

After a few moments, Lena finally calmed herself down, grabbed her things and headed out of the house.

Lena pulled her Mustang into the empty visitor’s spot of St Thomas, before turning the car off. She checked herself in her mirror, trying to make herself look as decent as possible. She then subconsciously turned to look down at her purse, that was sitting opened in the passenger’s seat. She quickly reached over and pulled a small, clear object from its confinements.

Lena swallowed thickly, looking down at was a bottle currently in her hands. She hated herself for even having this in her possession, but it was like her mind pulled her to make a quick stop to pick up the one thing that helped her mask the pain that was clenching in her gut.

Quickly unscrewing the cap, Lena placed the tip of the bottle to her plush lips. She hesitated for a moment, but then thought against it, tipping the bottle back and taking a few desperate swallows. This time she barely even flinched as the clear liquid burned the back of her throat. Once she was satisfied, she twisted the cap back on and shoved the bottle back into her purse.

Lena nearly stumbled out of her car, her equilibrium already a bit compromised. She quickly got herself together, before making her way into the hospital, where she headed toward the NICU. A place that was all too familiar to her now.

Lena was just about to head into Abel’s room, when she peeked through the window. Her heart dropped, and she immediately felt sick to her stomach. There, she saw Jax’s ex cradling his son in her arms. But this ex wasn’t Tara.

“ _Wendy_.” Lena choked out.

The last time Lena had seen Wendy, she was lying unconscious on Jax’s kitchen floor. Wendy was drugged up and strung out. Now, Wendy looked like a completely different person. She looked healthy and ready to be a mother to Abel.

“Yeah, I was surprised to see her too.”

A voice came up behind Lena, nearly scaring her. When she turned around, she found Tara slowly approaching her. Lena certainly didn’t have time to deal with this one of Jax’s exes, but she knew it was inevitable that she would see the woman here.

Lena rolled eyes, muttering to herself. “Jesus Christ, it’s a goddamn trifecta.” She then turned back to peer at Wendy, who looked so happy with Abel. “I thought I told you to stay away from me?”

The doctor let out an annoyed sigh. “This is a hospital, Lena. I actually _work_ here. And despite what you want, I’m still Abel’s doctor.”

Again, Lena rolled her eyes. She was starting to get that itch for that bottle down in her purse.

Tara then had the nerve to step closer to Lena, who was still standing at the window. “Look, maybe you and I should talk about the things you said to me yesterday. I just want to clear the air.”

Lena scoffed, turning her head to face Tara. “No, we _don’t_ actually. I meant everything that I said to you, Tara. We’re done here.”

Tara eyed Lena warily. “Have you been drinking this morning?”

Lena let out a small, frustrated groan. “And why exactly would you say that?”

Tara took a half step toward Lena, holding her clipboard closer to her body. “Well, your speech is a bit slurred. Your eyes are glassy. Pupils dilated. And you smell like a brewery.”

Lena pursed her lips together, not wanting to hear anymore of what Tara was trying to accuse her of. Yes, she had a little bit to drink, but she was a fucking adult. Lena didn’t have to answer to anyone. Especially not Tara. “Look, what I do or _don’t_ do is none of your _fucking_ business.”

Tara stood a step back in surprise. “Oh, I beg to differ. You’re in a hospital, surrounded by small, sick children. It is _my_ job and _my_ business to make sure that nothing happens to them. Maybe you should sober up, before I let you in there to see Abel.”

“ _Let_ me?” Lena exclaimed, not believing what Tara just said to her. “Oh, honey, you don’t run anything around here. Especially _not_ me. If I want to see Abel, I have every right to. I’ve been here almost every fucking day since the day he was born. I am just as much as _his_ parent to him as Jax or Wendy.”

Tara shook her head dismissively walking back up to Lena. “Look, I know that losing the baby was hard on you, but maybe you need to slow down, before you really hurt yourself or even Jax.”

Lena was just about to say something else when they were both approached by Jax.

“Hey, what’s going on?” Jax questioned, flitting his blue eyes between his ex-girlfriend and his current. The rest of **SAMCRO** had followed right behind him, but stopped shortly as the two women stood at odds with each other.

Before Lena could tell Jax that everything was fine, Tara spoke up first. “Maybe should ask your girlfriend how much she’s had to drink today.” She sneered, walking away.

Jax watched Tara walk away, before looking down at Lena, who looked beyond irritated. “The hell is she talking about?”

Lena folded her arms across her chest, looking down at her shuffling feet. “She’s just being a paranoid bitch, Jax. I’m fine.”

“Hey,” Jax reached out to grab her face in his hands, and she finally looked up at him, “have you been drinking today, Lee?”

Again, Lena scoffed, pulling back from Jax’s grip. “You know what? I think I’m gonna take off.”

As Lena turned to walk away from Jax, he stopped her, gently grabbing her elbow. “What’s going on with you?”

Lena sighed heavily, turning back to face Jax. “Maybe I’m just a little overwhelmed right now. I just _lost_ a baby, in which, apparently you don’t give a rat’s ass about. And your exes keep popping up like mole rats. I just…I can’t right now, Jax. So, I’m just not going to bother anymore. You and Wendy need to have some time with Abel.” She turned to walk away again, when Jax called out to her. “Just _leave_ me alone right now.” She told him and kept walking until she was out of the hospital door.

The moment Lena hit the steps of the hospital, she immediately felt the overwhelming urge to retrieve that bottle in her purse, but thought better of it when she was approached by another unwelcomed face.

“And this day just got worse.” Lena muttered to herself, before looking over at that unwelcomed face. “Is this what you ATF freaks do in your spare time? Lurk outside of hospitals?”

Federal Agent June Stahl chuckled sarcastically striding her way up to Jax Teller’s Old Lady. She had been in town long before Kohn showed his face, one of the many unsuccessful feds to come and leave with absolutely nothing on SAMCRO. But this bitch was more than determined to take down the most notorious motorcycle gang on the west coast.

“I guess you are referring to my former colleague, Agent Josh Kohn.” Agent Stahl stood intimidatingly in front of Lena, her gold badge gleaming and 9mm pistol on her hip. “Which, by the way, he never made it to Chicago. You wouldn’t happen to anything about that now would you?”

Lena swallowed thickly, knowing that if Kohn was forced to leave town, but never made it, that Jax definitely had something to do with it. Her Old Man was determined to make the ATF agent pay for what he did to them. But of course, Lena wasn’t going to let Stahl know of her suspicions. 

“No,” Lena shook her head, “but if anything did happen to that creep, I doubt anyone would miss him. So, good fucking riddance.” She stated, trying to walk away.

Agent Stahl immediately stopped Lena, grabbing onto her upper arm. “No need to go anywhere, Miss Daniels. You and I need to have a chat.”

Lena looked down at Agent Stahl’s grip on her arm, similar to when Kohn grabbed her. She quickly snatched her way out of the grip. She was definitely not chatting mood today. “Well, that sucks for you, Agent, because I’m not really feeling up to chatting today. Especially not with you.”

Agent Stahl, again, stood in front of Lena, glaring at her. “Oh, you thought that was an option? No, sweetheart. You’re gonna come down to the station with me, and me and you are gonna have a nice, long talk.”

“I don’t have anything to say to you.” Lena spat bitterly. “Now, unless you have a warrant, I need to be on my way.”

As Lena began to walk away, she hadn’t realized that Agent Stahl had spied something suspiciously hanging out of her purse.

“Hold up,” Stahl stopped Lena, causing her to turn around, annoyed, “what’s this?” She teasingly tipped over the half drank bottle of vodka that was supposed to have been at the bottom of Lena’s bag. “An open container, in what I’m assuming will be in your car. That’s kind of illegal. Maybe I should test your blood alcohol level and arrest you with the intent to drive under the influence.”

Lena sighed heavily, folding her arms across her chest. She was fucking screwed. “What do you want from me?”

Agent Stahl smirked at getting her way once again. “A moment of your time. And this,” she eyed the bottle again, “ _this_ goes away. The decision is yours.” 


	7. Chapter Seven

_(gif not mine, credit to owner)_

## Chapter 7:

Jax smiled down at the little boy squirming around in his arms. This was the first day since Abel was born that he could finally be held. That precious baby boy had been through quite a lot in his first few weeks into this world.

Jax never thought he could have so much love in his heart for one person, and then he looked into Abel’s eyes, that mirrored his own. To be honest, he was always scared to become a father. When he and Wendy separated, and she told him that she was pregnant, he thought his entire world was crashing around him. But the thought of abandoning his responsibility to his unborn child never crossed his mind. He did everything he could to make sure that he would bring his son safely into this world. Well, except for stopping his ex’s insatiable drug habit.

Jax then immediately thought of the baby that he and Lena just lost. He hadn’t known Lena was pregnant for too long, but when she finally did tell him, his reaction was a little different. He was happy and excited that the woman that he’d loved for so long was going to make him a father again. Although, the baby was now gone, Jax couldn’t help but think of how the kid would look. Would he have Lena’s eyes or his? Would he be a carbon copy of his older brother?

Despite what Lena believed, Jax was devastated by the loss. Because for the longest time, he had always pictured Lena being the mother of his kids. But, of course, things just never worked out the way he wanted, and now Lena was pushing him away.

Jax couldn’t really blame her though. His actions had been so shitty toward her. The club secrets. The omitted lies. He had only confessed to his Old Lady where he was the night she’d lost their baby, but he hadn’t told her what he had done that night. He knew that if he did tell her, he was definitely going to lose her. And he wasn’t sure how he was going to handle that.

“I’m _so_ screwed, buddy.” Jax confessed to his infant son, patting his tiny, scarred belly.

Abel just gurgled and stretched in response. The baby’s tiny fist attached itself to the **SAMCRO** Reaper patched beanie on his head and yanked it slightly out of place.

Jax, again smiled softly, fixing the hat on his son’s head. He then turned to the door to see his mother making her way in.

“Hey,” Gemma whispered in excitement at seeing her grandson finally out of his confining box.

“Hey, mom,” Jax continued to smile, rocking slowly back and forth in the rocking chair he was sitting on.

Gemma looked down lovingly at the little boy nestled in her son’s arms. “How’s he doing?”

Jax looked back down at Abel as well, the pride in his chest growing with every passing second. “He’s good. He’s really good. You want to hold him?”

“ _Yes_.” Gemma didn’t hesitate in her answer.

Jax chuckled at his mother’s enthusiasm, standing to his feet. He carefully handed the baby over to his mother, making sure she cradled Abel’s head. Gemma then took a seat where Jax had just been sitting.

“So, how’s Lena doing?” Gemma questioned, cooing down at the baby boy in her arms.

Jax shook his head. “Not good, ma. She was here earlier, but something seemed off about her. Then Tara accused her of drinking.”

And that name caused Gemma to roll her bright emerald eyes. “ _Tara_.” She spat, as if that name tasted bitter on her tongue.

“Mom,” Jax groaned, knowing exactly what was about to be said, “don’t _start_ , please.” He was sick and tired of having the same conversation with his mom about Tara. It was like they were going around in circles.

Jax knew for a fact that Gemma didn’t like Tara. He knew that she never cared for his ex at all. If she wasn’t so worried with grief over his broken heart, Jax also knew that his mother had been over the moon when Tara finally left.

“I ain’t startin’ nothin’, Jackson.” Gemma defended, now rocking back and forth in the chair. “But you’re wondering why your Old Lady seems a little off. I mean, she just lost your baby, and you keep hanging around the good doctor,” even that sounded bitter coming off her tongue, “of course something’s off with her.”

Jax sighed heavily, running a hand across his face in frustration. He knew that Gemma was right. “What am I supposed to do?”

“Well, first off,” Gemma began, “stop being Tara’s _goddamn_ savior. Second, do _not_ let that junkie ex-wife of yours think that just because she’s clean now, that you, her, and this precious baby will be a family. And third, go find your Old Lady, bring her here, so together, you can take your son home.”

“It ain’t that easy, ma.”

Gemma searched her son’s face, immediately knowing that he was in deeper shit than he was letting on. “ _Shit_.” She hissed. “You _fucked_ that bitch, _didn’t_ you?”

Instead of answering the accusation his mother just threw his way, Jax turned away from her glare. That to Gemma, was the only answer she needed.

“ _Jesus Christ_ , Jackson.” Gemma exclaimed in disappointment. She wasn’t surprised by this shit anymore. When it came to women, her son was the biggest slut she knew. “How hard is it to keep your _shit_ in your _goddamn_ pants?”

Jax didn’t answer that either. Again, he knew his mother was right. He made a big mistake that night with Tara, and now he was living with the guilt of it. While his Old Lady was suffering, he was too busy handling Tara’s stalker ex, while the both of them fucked next to the federal agent’s dead body. 

Jax was _so_ fucking screwed.

“So,” Gemma cleared her throat, breaking Jax of his thoughts, “what are you gonna do about Lena now?”

Jax shrugged, shoving his hands in the front pockets of his jeans. “If I tell Lena the truth, she leaves. And if I don’t tell her the truth, it will somehow get back to her, she still leaves.”

“I say wait.” Gemma said, after a few moments of silence. “Jackson, Lena’s in a vulnerable state right now. Give her some time.”

Jax went to speak, but was cut off by the sound of his ringing cell phone. He then pulled out the device, surprised by the name flashing across the small display screen.

“Hale,” Jax answered.

“ _Hey, Jax_ ,” the sound of chief deputy’s voice was heard on the other side, “ _I’m not sure if you know this, but Stahl just brought Lena in for questioning_.”

“ _Shit_.” Jax hissed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “A’ight, I’m on my way.” He finished, snapped his phone shut and shoved it back into his pocket.

“Everything alright?” Gemma questioned, noticing the immediate concern on her son’s face.

Jax released a frustrated breath. “That bitch, Stahl, brought Lena into the station for questioning. She must think that she could get something out of her.”

“Lena won’t rat.” Gemma said, very sure of herself. “That girl may be a lot of things, but a rat ain’t one of ‘em.”

“I know, but Lena’s a little emotionally unstable right now, and Stahl likes to push all the wrong buttons. I need to get down there, before something happens.” Jax made his way over to his mother, kissing her cheek, and placing a gentle hand on the top of Abel’s head. He then waved them goodbye and left.

  
  


When Lena was brought into the Sheriff’s office, a place she knew very well, she found herself sitting in one of the interrogation rooms. The Feds had been using CPD place as their headquarters, for their pointless investigation, ever since they arrived in town.

Agent Stahl had left Lena alone for what felt like an eternity, but was probably only a few hours, and Lena was beginning to feel antsy. The walls around her were sterile white, except for the dark glass window in front of her, that she knew was their infamous two way mirror. She couldn’t see whoever was on the other side, but she knew that they could see her. Also, in front of her, an old school camcorder was set on a tripod.

Lena sighed heavily, starting to pick at the table she was sitting at, a nervous habit she’s had since moving Charming. A few moments later Agent Stahl finally made her grand entrance. The federal agent walked in the room, carrying a cup of coffee, while a manila folder sat underneath her arm.

Lena was also surprised to see Deputy Hale, trailing right behind Stahl.

“So, we had time to stop for a coffee break? How _convenient_.” Lena spat sarcastically, as Stahl sat her stuff down on the table. Except for that manila folder. Whatever was in there definitely had piqued Lena’s interest.

Stahl ignored the comment, pursing her lips together. “Deputy Hale is here to monitor this interrogation.” She pointed to Hale, who was standing in the corner.

Lena looked over at the handsome deputy, as he gave her a nod, then looked back over at the menacing agent. “Alright, ask me your first question.”

Stahl eyed Lena a bit warily, before asking, “what do you know about the **Sons Of Anarchy**?”

“They ride _motorcycles_.” Lena quickly spat, giving Stahl a cheeky grin. “Next question.”

Stahl paused, giving a sarcastic chuckle. “So, _this_ is how you’re going to cooperate with the FBI?”

“You _asked_ me a question, and I answered it.” Lena stated firmly, her voice dripping with annoyance. “What part of that is _not_ cooperating?”

“Okay,” Stahl nodded, as she began to stalk around the table, “how do you think the Sons make their money?”

Lena just giggled at Stahl’s next question. No wonder the feds never found anything on **SAMCRO**. This bitch was shit at her job. “You see have this thing -I don’t know if you’ve heard about it- it’s called a garage. You know that place where they fix cars.”

Stahl sighed in frustration. She knew that the Vice President of **SAMCRO’s** Old Lady wasn’t going to cooperate like she should have. So, that’s why she had the big guns. “Alright, so you want to play it like this?” She then took a seat, directly in front of Lena. She finally pulled the folder from underneath her arm and slapping it on the table. “So, how close do you think Jax Teller and his doctor ex-girlfriend are getting? Word around town is that they’ve been seen together a lot lately.”

Lena’s demeanor suddenly shifted the moment Stahl brought up Jax and Tara. “What does this have to do with **SAMCRO**?” She barely choked out.

Stahl sat back in her seat, folding her arms across her chest. “Nothing. Just trying to make casual conversation.”

“Agent Stahl,” Deputy Hale stepped out of his corner.

Stahl quickly shoved a hand up, stopping him, but she didn’t take her beady eyes off of Lena. She was pleased to see that she was possibly getting her way. “Now, do me a favor, please. Could you, uh, open that file for me?” She nodded in Lena’s direction.

Lena swallowed nervously, throwing a glance Hale’s way. The Deputy Chief looked at her apologetically, like he didn’t know what Stahl was up to. She then turned to look back at the folder and slowly reached over the table. Her heart racing a hundred miles a minute, as she pulled the folder closer to her. She hesitated for a second, before finally flipping it open. Her heart fell into the pit of her stomach, at what she was looking at. 

Lena was looking down at a surveillance photo of Jax and Tara, hugging intimately in the hallway of the hospital. But it was no ordinary hug. Jax’s hands were cupped underneath Tara’s jaw and his forehead was pressed against hers. Tara was clinging onto his kutte as if her life depended on it.

“Yikes,” Stahl hissed in a sarcastic manner, a smirk on her ugly features, “that’s a little, uh, hard to swallow right?” Lena just looked up at her, with tears in her eyes. “This picture,” she leaned over tapping on the photo with her index finger, “was taken the day after you were released from the hospital; sorry for your loss by the way.”

By the look in Agent Stahl’s eyes, Lena knew this bitch wasn’t sorry.

“Now,” Agent Stahl began again, “the question is, how could you _still_ protect a man that’s supposed to be devoted to you, when he can’t even wait a full 48 hours after you lost his baby, and he’s already back in his ex-girlfriend’s arms?” She sat back and waited for everything to fall into place.

Lena sat there, letting Stahl’s question sink in. She knew what the woman was doing. She knew what this woman wanted from her. And she was willing to stop at nothing to get it. Lena was not going to have it. No matter how much this piece of shit surveillance photo showed. 

Lena was not and will never be a fucking rat.

Lena then picked up the photo, staring at it for a few moments. Her stomach turned in knots at the image of her Old Man and his ex. She released a shuddering breath and ripped the photo straight down the middle. She then ripped those two pieces into four. By the time she was finished, she held onto a handful of pieces of the photo, like confetti, before she stood up and threw it all into Agent Stahl’s face. 

“ _Go_. _To_. _Hell_.” Lena angrily spat, plopping back down in her seat. “Now that you’ve tried and _failed_ to manipulate me into giving you what you want, I think it’s time for me to get the _fuck_ out of here.”

“Yeah, I think that’s a good idea.” Deputy Hale stated, stepping over to Lena, and helping her out of her seat. He then walked her toward the door, only to be stopped by Stahl.

“Deputy, you do realize that you’re interfering with a federal case?” Stahl stood in front of the both of them, blocking their pathway out.

Hale released a deep breath. “You asked me to sit in on this interrogation. You made me a promise that if you did anything I didn’t like, I could stop it. I’m stopping it, June. Now move.”

Agent Stahl pursed her lips, looking back and forth between Lena and Hale. She rolled her eyes, kicking herself for agreeing to that promise, and finally moving out of the way.

“I’m sorry about that.” Hale told Lena, as the two of them walked through the police station, after retrieving Lena’s things. However, that bottle of alcohol was conveniently missing. “I didn’t know she was going to do that.”

Lena was just happy to finally be out of that room. “It’s not your fault, David.” She stopped and turned to look at him. “It’s my fault for falling for a man like Jax Teller.”

Chief Deputy David Hale was born and raised in Charming. He was just a few years older than Lena. When Lena and her mother had moved back to Charming, Hale was just graduating high school and heading into the police academy. By the time he joined the Charming Police Department, and before he became second in command under Chief Wayne Unser, Lena was already head over heels in love with Jax Teller; his rival. But Hale had been head over heels in love with Lena.

Lena knew this, and although Hale would have been the most practical choice, she just didn’t feel the same way. Hale, the good guy he was trying to be, respected Lena’s wishes, even though it was hard for him to watch Jax basically walk all over her.

“Speaking of Teller,” Hale began, looking down into Lena’s eyes, “I called him.”

“You what?” Lena groaned in frustration. “Why would you do that?”

Hale shrugged in a nonchalant manner. “I just think he needed to know.”

“Since when are you on **SAMCRO’s** side?” Lena questioned, her brows furrowed in confusion.

“I’m not.” Hale stated firmly. “I’m on _your_ side.” His eyes softened at that confession.

“ _David_ ,” Lena exasperated, feeling a bit guilty that she knew she could never return the young Deputy’s feelings.

Hale nodded, looking down at his feet. “I know.” Again, he released a breath, reaching out to gently grab her elbow. “C’mon, let’s get you out of here.”

Both Lena and Hale made their way out of the station, just as Jax was pulling up on his bike. Lena rolled her dark eyes, annoyed that Hale had really called him. They cautiously approached the biker, as he parked his bike and pulled off his helmet. 

Lena could already see his blue eyes staring in anger at the way the Hale was still holding onto her elbow. A small part of her got a bit of satisfaction out of that.

Jax hopped off his bike and met them halfway. “Hey, you okay?” He looked down at Lena.

Lena was trying to avoid looking his way. That photo was still very fresh in her mind. “Yeah, I’m fine. What are you doing here?”

“Hale called me.”

Lena then found the courage to look Jax in the eyes. “I know that, Jax, but why are you here?”

Jax looked at her confused. “I’m here for you.”

“You’re here for me?” Lena questioned, giving a sarcastic chuckle. “Where’s Tara?”

Jax took a step back, shaking his head. “Don’t do this.” He then looked at Hale, who was still standing there. “Not here. Let me take you home, and we can talk. I promise you.”

Lena was going to give in. She was going to hop on the back of Jax’s bike, and let him take her home. But then that image of Jax and Tara at the hospital stopped her. “No. I told you to leave me alone. I just need to not be around you right now.”

Jax’s heart broke a little at that. “Lena…”

Lena just ignored his plea and turned to Hale. “Hey, can you take me back to St. Thomas, so I can get my car?”

Hale looked back and forth between Lena and Jax, contemplating on what to do. He could see the anger radiating off of Jax, and he knew that he didn’t want to come in between them. But he also knew he could never say no to Lena.

“Yeah, sure.” Hale nodded, escorting her over to his jeep, where he helped her in.

As Hale started the vehicle, Lena spared a glance over at Jax, who was still standing there. His face was hard, and she knew that he was pissed that she chose to go with Hale instead of him. She just tried to ignore that pull, in her stomach, that she felt for him, as Hale pulled out of the police station.

Lena finally pulled up to her house, sighing as she saw Jax’s bike parked in her driveway. He was being persistent as usual. When she hopped out, she saw that Hale had pulled up on the curb right behind her. When Hale had brought her back to the hospital, he offered to take her to get a bite to eat. And when she turned him down, he then insisted on giving her a police escort home. 

Again, Lena tried to dissuade him, but he was also being persistent.

Lena made her way to where Hale was parked curbside. “Thank you for the escort, David, although I told you I didn’t need it.”

Hale shrugged. “I insisted.” He then looked over at the bike parked in the driveway. He knew who it belonged to. “Is that Jax’s bike?” He questioned, and Lena nodded, looking back in that direction. “You need me to come in with you just in case?”

Lena shook her head, reaching out to give Hale’s arm a gentle squeeze. “It’s okay. Jax would never hurt me physically. _Emotionally_? That’s a completely different story.” She tried to smile at her own attempt at a joke. Hale gave her a warm smile back. “Thanks again for the escort.” She told him, before making her way up to her front door.

When Lena had unlocked the front door to her house, a place she hadn’t been staying at in the past few days, she heard the sound of Hale’s jeep driving off. The moment she stepped into her living room, she was not surprised to find Jax sitting on her couch, waiting for her.

“I guess you’re _not_ understanding the concept of me wanting to be alone.” Lena spat, setting her purse and keys down on a side table.

Jax was quiet as he stared at her for a few moments. Lena knew that Jax was still pissed about the whole Hale situation, but at this point, she really didn’t care. She didn’t have the strength to care.

Lena sighed heavily, trying to make her way into her kitchen to look for a drink, since she knew Stahl had tossed hers, when Jax finally spoke.

“I _fucked_ up.” He muttered softly.

Lena stopped in her tracks, turning to look at him. Jax then stood from his seat and marched his way over to her. He immediately grabbed her face in his hands and kissed her hard.

“I _fucked_ up.” Jax murmured against her lips. “I’m _so_ sorry.” He kissed her again. “I _fucked_ up.”

Lena knew that she should have stopped him and pulled away, but she didn’t fight it. She also didn’t fight it when he took her upstairs to her bedroom and made love to her. 


	8. Chapter Eight

## Chapter 8

Lena awoke the next morning, and she had expected to wake up alone. Exactly like she had been the past several weeks. But to her surprise, Jax was still lying next to her dead asleep to the world. His right arm, bearing a tribute tattoo to his father, John Teller, was wrapped securely around her waist. His blond hair laid messy and matted to his head, and it looked as if his growing beard was fuller than normal.

Lena slowly turned in his arms, gently beginning to trace the fresh ink of Abel’s name etched right above Jax’s heart. A tattoo that he had gotten a few days ago, in celebration of his son finally coming home.

Last night as Jax and Lena made love, Lena thought she would wake up feeling painfully guilty that she allowed herself to let him break her walls so easily. Again. But for some strange reason, she didn’t.

Although, there was definitely something off between Lena and Jax last night. The sex was great; as it always was. But Lena felt some kind of disconnect from Jax. Even though she wasn’t feeling guilty, she could tell that maybe he was. She knew that if it was guilt he felt, it more than likely had something to do with Tara, his meddlesome ex. And if it did, Lena wasn’t so sure if she wanted to know.

As Lena’s finger got the _L_ of Jax’s tattoo, she felt his hand gently grab her wrist, immediate halting her actions. She then looked up, just as he was opening his eyes.

“Hey,” Jax grunted, bringing her hand to his mouth and pressing a kiss on the back.

“Hey,” she replied, lying her head on his chest, the sound of his heartbeat soothing her.

“How’d you sleep?” Jax questioned, as he pulled her further into his embrace.

“Pretty good. You?”

“Same.” He responded and leaned forward, now pressing his lips to her forehead. 

The both of them laid there for a few moments, in silence, before Lena pulled herself away from him and sat up.

“Jax, we need to talk.” Lena told her Old Man, pulling the sheet up to cover her naked breasts.

The blonde outlaw biker sighed heavily, also sitting up. He knew that that was coming sooner or later.

Lena swallowed thickly, trying to figure out how to begin, because they really had a lot of ground they needed to cover when it came to their relationship. “Things are not good between us, Jax. They haven’t been for a while now. I think mostly it’s because of Tara coming back and turning things upside down for us. And then losing the baby was another set back.” She confessed, looking over into his crystal eyes. “I love you, Jackson. I’m just not sure where you and I really stand anymore.”

Jax nodded, listening to every word that Lena was saying, that he knew was right. They were not in a good place, and he wasn’t even sure he knew how to rectify it. He then released another deep breath, reaching over to grab Lena’s hand in his. “Look, honestly, Tara coming back stirred up some old feelings in me that I didn’t know I still had. Then I realized what I have with _you_ , what _we_ have is more than whatever I had with Tara. I love you too, Lee.”

Lena felt a sense of relief in the pit of her stomach, but she still couldn’t help but think about that photo Stahl shoved in her face yesterday.

“Jax, yesterday, Stahl showed me a photo of you and Tara hugging at the hospital the day after I was released. I knew exactly what she was trying to do. She was trying to get me to rat on the club by using my insecurities -if you want to call it that- of your relationship with Tara. But, I told her to go to hell.”

“I’m so sorry, Lee.” Jax ran a soothing hand up and down Lena’s arm.

“I know this completely stupid,” Lena hesitated, releasing a deep breath, “but why were the two of you hugging in the first place?” She felt silly for even asking this question, but she needed to know the truth.

Jax ran a hand down his face. “I was going to see the kid when I ran into Tara. She was freaking out about what we did to Kohn, and I was just trying to keep her calm.”

“ _We_? What did you two do to Kohn?” Lena questioned, and Jax went to speak, but she cut him off. She knew exactly what he was about to tell her. “And please don’t say you can’t tell me because you want to protect me. I _deserve_ to know the truth, Jax.”

Jax looked down for a few moments, before looking back at Lena. “Full disclosure?”

“ _Full_ disclosure.”

“When I went to Tara’s that night, I found out that Kohn didn’t leave for Chicago, like he was supposed to.” Jax began to explain. “He had attacked Tara and tried to rape her, but she shot him in the stomach before I got there. She was panicking, and didn’t know what to do. Kohn was still alive, when I actually got there, and he was saying all of this shit -shit I really tried to ignore- but then he mentioned you, and I went on instinct. I killed him.”

“ _Jesus Christ_ , Jackson.” Lena hissed, feeling the knots twisting in her stomach at Jax’s confession.

“So, Tara didn’t have to deal with it, I buried Kohn’s body somewhere outside of Charming. No one will ever know where.”

Lena sat back, letting Jax’s words sink in, the knots twisting themselves even more. In jist, she knew what kind of man Jax was. She had seen him get violent to protect the club and those involved with the club, herself included. But she had never seen, or he had never openly admitted to killing someone to her before.

“You okay?” Jax whispered, his heartbeat quickening in his chest. He had no idea what she was thinking. “You’re kinda quiet.”

“Is that all that happened?”

Jax was surprised that she didn’t question him about killing Kohn, but went silent, contemplating on what to tell her. The “yes” just easily slipped from his lips, but she didn’t look his way. “Hey, look at me, please.” He then reached over and grabbed her chin to face him, and he brushed his lips softly against hers. “I’m not gonna do anything to hurt you, okay? I love you so much, Lee.” He kissed her one last time, pulling her into his embrace. “When shit hits the fan, please remember that?”

Today was the day that Little Baby Abel would finally be coming home. So, of course, Gemma was in complete _Grandma Mode_ , going all out by throwing her grandson a huge welcome home party. So, when Lena made her way into Jax’s home, it was already decorated with blue and green balloons, with matching streamers. She even gave a small smile at her Old Man’s mother struggling to try to hang the “Welcome Home, Abel” banner.

Gemma turned to the sound of a small giggle, and saw that Lena was standing there watching her amused.

“You think this _shit_ is funny?” Jax’s mother spat, a little amused herself.

“I actually think it’s adorable, Gemma.” Lena teased.

“Well, don’t just stand there, help me.”

Again, Lena giggled, tossing her purse down on the couch. She then pulled one of the many plastic chairs that were scattered around the room, to the opposite side of where Gemma was standing. The chair gave a slight wobble, when Lena went to stand on it, and she felt like her spiked heel was going to poke right on through. As she finally righted herself, she grabbed the other end of the oversized banner and held it up. Gemma then tacked her side down and then quickly tossed the pack of thumbtacks to Lena, so she could tack her side down.

When both women finished, they both stepped down and back to check out their handy work.

“Does it look crooked to you?” Gemma questioned, folding her arms across her chest.

Lena looked at the sign hanging over the door to back patio. It was a little crooked, but she wasn’t going to tell Gemma that. “I think it looks fine, Gemma.”

Gemma looked at it again, knowing damn well she couldn’t see it properly without her glasses. “I think it looks crooked.”

“Well, I’m not getting back on that chair.” Lena told Gemma, shaking her head. “So, if you want to fix it, you’re on your own.”

Now it was Gemma’s turn to laugh.

“Hey, Gem, we need more…”

Both Gemma and Lena turned to see Wendy, Jax’s ex and Abel’s mother, coming from a room that Lena believed was Abel’s nursery and pausing right in front of them.

Jax’s Old Lady and his ex-wife just stood there staring at each other awkwardly.

“ _Jesus Christ_.” Gemma exasperated, pulling the two girls from their trance. “Wendy, what are we out of?”

“Uh,” Jax’s ex-wife began, looking at Lena and fidgeting from one foot to the other, “we’re out of streamers.”

“Alright, I’ll go and get some more. You two play nice, please.” Gemma said stomping her 9 inch boots out of Jax’s home.

As Gemma left, Lena and Wendy, again, stood there awkwardly staring at each other. They had no idea what to say to each other. This was vastly different from how they used to be in the past. There was a time that Wendy and Lena were always at each other’s throat, that usually ended with a brawl. There was one point, when the girls got physical, they had nearly trashed the clubhouse. Jax had even forced both of them to stay away from each other. 

Well, until that day Lena and Gemma found Wendy in Jax’s kitchen.

But now- _now_ you would think these two were strangers with how they were acting.

“Hi,” Wendy spoke, finally breaking the morbid silence.

“Hey,” Lena replied back, before it went silent again.

Lena then watched as Wendy continue to fidget where she stood, grabbing at her arm. It was a tell-tale sign of an addict.

Wendy released a deep breath, breaking their silence again. “Look, I know this situation is a little awkward now considering our history. But,” she hesitated, wiping a hand across her sweaty brow, “I want to tell you, _Thank You_. Gemma and Jax told me that you’d been there and stepped up for Abel when I couldn’t.”

Lena nodded in appreciation. “Even with our history, Wendy, Abel is still _apart_ of Jax. I love that little boy as if he were my own. But I know that you’re his mother, and I don’t want to take that away from you.”

“I appreciate that.” Now it was Wendy’s turn to nod. “And, hey, I’m sorry about what happened to your baby.” Lena just gave her a small smile as an understanding. “So, did you want to finish helping me decorate?”

“Gemma wouldn’t have it any other way.” Lena joked, causing Wendy to chuckle softly, as the two of them went to finish their work.

Lena was never really a smoker, but there were times of stress where she found herself indulging in some herbal activities.

Jax’s house was now hustling and bustling with visitors for Abel’s party. It was mainly the club members, Donna and the kids, Luann, and a few croweaters.

Lena was left to play host while Jax and Wendy went to pick up Abel from the hospital to bring him home. She was a little upset and somewhat jealous that she wouldn’t be the one bringing Abel home with Jax, but she realized that Wendy needed this to keep her sobriety in check.

So, against Gemma’s request, Lena decided to tear herself away from the party and found herself sitting on the back porch, smoking a joint that Juice was happy to donate to her cause. She was hoping and praying that no one would find her. She was sick of the sympathy looks from losing her baby and now losing Abel. Also Luann was continuing to secretly recruit Lena for her next project.

Lena’s hopes were dashed when the sliding glass door to the porch opened, and she was approached by a shadowed figure. When she realized that it was Opie, she was actually kind of relieved.

“So, this is where you disappeared to?” Opie questioned, taking a seat on the extra lawn chair by hers.

Lena took an inhale of her joint, letting the smoke course through her system, before blowing it out. “Yep. I had to get away, Ope, because if I hear Luann talk about anal rimming one _more_ time, I was gonna stab myself and _her_ with my boot.” She gestured down the spiked heel on her boot.

Luann Delaney was a former porn star who married into the club, and one of Lena’s mother’s best friends. Otto Delaney was her husband, one of the First 9. He was supposed to be serving a six year sentence in Stockton for second degree murder and theft, but due to his heinous and violent acts to protect the club while on the inside, time would only continue to add for him. Now Luann, waiting for Otto to be paroled, proudly owned a porn company named _Cara Cara_. Ever since Lena turned 18, Luann was determined to get that girl in front of the camera. Lena was never interested and continued to turn her down.

Opie chuckled softly, accepting the joint that Lena was handing his way. “So, how are you?” He took his own inhale.

Lena groaned, rolling her eyes to the dark skies. “If one more _fucking_ person asks me that. _Jesus_.”

Again, Opie chuckled, handing her back her joint. “I’m sorry. You must be getting that a lot.”

Lena then turned her Old Man’s best friend. “ _Duh_.”

“Okay,” Opie nodded, a grin still on his face, “so let me ask you this. How do you feel about both Tara and Wendy being here in Charming?” That question deserved another hit of her joint. “ _That_ bad, huh?” She didn’t even have to answer, as he already knew. “Look, Lee, I know Jax, and I know that you mean more to him than you think he lets on. He does love you.”

“But is love even enough though?” Lena whispered into the night sky, watching her smoke billow in erotic swirls.

Opie then released a deep breath. “I mean, I can say it is. Look at my wife. She stuck by me when I was locked up for 5 years. She raised our kids alone because I wasn’t man enough to stay out of trouble for them. Her love for me is what saved our marriage. So, think about that.” He playfully bumped his shoulder with hers. “I’m gonna head back inside.” He stood from his chair, leaning forward to kiss Lena’s temple and went back into the house.

Lena then finished off her joint, trying to let Opie’s words sink in. Yeah, love was enough for Opie and Donna’s relationship, but did that mean the same for her and Jax?

Lena was freshening herself up when there was a knock at the front door, and like the good host she was now trying to be, she went to answer. But the moment she opened the door, she was half tempted to slam it closed, as she was now face to face with the _good ole Doctor Tara Knowles_.

“ _Christ_ , you’re like a fucking _cockroach_ who apparently doesn’t comprehend very well.” Lena spat bitterly, sick of seeing this woman’s face. “Why are you _here_?”

Tara swallowed, adjusting her purse strap on her shoulder and folding her arms across her chest. “I was actually invited.”

Lena’s brows furrowed in confusion. “By _who_ exactly?”

“Jax and Wendy.” Tara muttered, looking down at her shuffling feet. “They, uh, wanted to thank me for all I did for Abel.”

“That’s what they wanted?” Lena questioned, not really believing her. Tara nodded, and Lena just decided that she just didn’t give two flying fucks anymore. “You know what? _Fuck_ it. Come on in, Doc. Have a beer. Choke on a fucking streamer. I don’t care anymore.” She told Tara, standing to the side, allowing the good doctor into Jax’s home.

Lena just watched as Tara made her way into the party, receiving questionable stares from the other guests. They all seemed surprised that she was even there. Even Donna’s brow furrowed in confusion, as she gave Lena a look.

Lena just shook her head at Opie’s wife and muttered to herself, “I need a drink.”

Jax and Wendy finally arrived to the house. Jax was carrying Abel in his arms, as the infant received lots of cheers and welcome homes from their family and friends.

Jax was all smiles happy to have his son home and to be able to share it with the ones he loves. Especially one person in particular. He then looked around the room in search for his Old Lady’s face, but he didn’t see her anywhere. That concerned him a bit. He knew that she was a little hurt that Wendy was going with him to pick up his son instead of her.

As everyone continued to dote on Baby Abel, Jax leaned over toward his mom. “Where’s Lena?”

Gemma then eyed the room herself, not finding her either. “I’ll go find her.” She kissed Jax’s cheek and Abel’s head, before stalking to find out where her future daughter in law went.

Lena found herself in Jax’s room sucking down a bottle of top shelf whiskey that Clay had provided the party from the clubhouse stock. She was casually looking over the photos on his dresser. There was one of the club. One of Jax and his little brother, Thomas, from when they were younger. There was the one of her that Jax claimed he really loved, and then there was one of the two of them sitting on his bike.

Sighing heavily, Lena plucked the picture that was comfortably tucked in the corner of the mirror. She flipped it over, and it read: _Jax + Lee 2001_. She remembered when this picture was taken. She was just about to turn 19 in this photo, and this was probably the happiest that she had ever been. Then a few days later, her entire world shattered when she watched as her mother took her Grandfather’s pistol and shot herself in the head. Lena could still smell sickening stench of her mother’s blood and the hot barrel of that gun.

As the memory of her mother’s death, painfully, flashed through her head, Lena took another hard swallow from the bottle. She then tossed the picture down back on the dresser.

“There you are.” Lena heard the sound of Gemma’s voice, looking over at her standing in the doorway. “Jax is looking for you.”

“Good _for_ him.” Lena rolled her eyes, taking another drink.

“You okay?” Gemma questioned, something seeming a bit off about Lena. “I see Tara sitting her happy ass out there. You want me to tell her to go?”

Lena shrugged nonchalantly. “Do what you want, Gemma. I don’t give a shit about Tara _fucking_ Knowles. Not anymore.”

“Oh boy.” Gemma muttered, finally making her way over to Lena. “Look, fuck that bitch, alright? You’re Jax’s Old Lady, not her. That means _something_.”

“Heh, yeah right.” Lena stumbled a bit and shoving the bottle back toward her mouth.

Gemma was quick to interfere, snatching the bottle from her hands. “Okay, this is what’s _not_ going to happen. My son already has one junkie broad to deal with for at least the next 18 years. Don’t add to it.” She told Lena, while Lena just rolled her eyes in annoyance. “Go clean yourself up, sweetheart. I’ll go make you some coffee. Just go be with your Old Man and his son. Show that bitch, that you ain’t going nowhere.”

Lena looked up into Gemma’s bright eyes, swallowing thickly and nodding. Gemma then gave her a small smile, leaning forward to kiss her cheek.

Jax was surprised to see that Tara was here in his home, comfortably sipping on a beer. When Wendy extended the invitation, at the hospital while he was signing the paperwork for Abel’s release, he didn’t think that she’d actually show. But here she was.

“Can we talk?” Jax asked his ex, as he took her Abel’s room. “What the _hell_ are you doing here, Tara?”

Tara stood taken aback, setting her beer down on Abel’s dresser. “ _You_ invited me.”

“ _Wendy_ invited you actually.” Jax clarified. “I just didn’t think that you’d actually show up. Lena’s here, and we’re not in a good place right now. You being here is not gonna help the situation.”

“You are so full of _shit_ , Jax.” Tara hissed in anger. “Don’t _make_ it look like _I’m_ the only one in this _situation_ between us.”

Jax sighed heavily, running a hand across his face. This was something that he did not want to do tonight. “Look, Tara, whatever happened between us that night, it never happened, okay?”

Tara looked at her ex in disbelief. She didn’t think that he’d brush what they did under the rug. She really thought that they were on the same page. “How can we pretend that it never happened, Jax?”

“Because I just _have_ to.” The blonde biker seethed in frustration. “I _love_ Lena. I want to be _with_ Lena. I never wanted it to go this far.”

Tara rolled her bright green eyes in annoyance. “You never wanted it to go this far?” She questioned in an accusing tone. “I’m sorry, but did you love Lena that night when you were having sex with me?”

“It was a _mistake_ , Tara.” Jax stated firmly.

Tara scoffed in offense. “A _mistake_?” The good Doctor immediately felt ashamed and foolish. “Yeah, you’re right, it was a mistake, Jax. Coming back to Charming was a huge fucking mistake.” She then turned to stomp her way out of the room.

“ _Tara_.” Jax tried to reach out and grab her arm, in order to stop her from doing something stupid. He knew that his ex could be heartless at times. Especially when she was angry and hurt. 

“ _No_!” Tara taking Jax grabbing her arm as a defense, whipping her body around, and connecting her open palm to his cheek. She immediately realized what she did, regretting it for a moment at the look on his face. As Jax just stood there, she took that as her cue and continued to leave.

Jax waited a few seconds, after Tara walked out, before finally leaving the room himself. As he watched her angrily search for her things, the sound of a familiar engine coming to life caught his ear. He considered himself to be a mediocre mechanic, at best, but he definitely knew the sound of that engine.

Jax walked over to his front door to his home, just as Tara was about to make her way out. He then caught the tail end of Lena’s Mustang recklessly cutting across his lawn, tires screeching down the street. His felt his heart fall into the pit of his stomach, obviously knowing that Lena had just overheard his and Tara’s conversation.

“ _Shit_.” Jax hissed, and his immediate response was to chase after her.

Jax then turned back to the living room, and all eyes were on him. He knew that they all wanted to know what was going on, but nobody wanted to ask. He made eye contact with Gemma, who was now holding Abel, and she gave him the okay to leave.

  


Jax searched all over town for Lena. He searched for her at her house and the old spots she used to go when she used to run away from home. He even looked for her at St. Thomas. He couldn’t find her anywhere, and he was beginning to freak out a little.

When Jax finally found Lena, she was at the last place that he expected her to be, but he knew it should have been the first he checked. He pulled his bike into Teller-Morrow and saw her Mustang illegally parked sideways between two parking spots. Hopping off his bike, he quickly went in search for her.

She wasn’t in the garage. She wasn’t in Gemma’s office. She wasn’t inside the clubhouse or even in the apartments. When he walked back outside, his frustration had hit an all time high when he decided to look up. Then he saw her. His heartbeat quickened, watching as Lena drunkenly walked the ledge of the roof of the clubhouse.

“ _Jesus Christ_.” Jax exasperated to himself, before quickly running back inside the clubhouse to climb his way up to the roof.

When Jax made it to the roof, Lena still hadn’t realized his presence, as she continued to walk the ledge like a tightrope. He noticed that she was also holding a bottle of liquor.

Jax didn’t want to call out to her, in fear that she might get startled and fall. So, he waited until she was in the right spot, before he wrapped his arms around her waist and quickly pulled her away.

Lena yelped immediately dropping the bottle from her grasp, hearing it smash against the concrete. She already knew who it was who pulled away from the ledge. She could recognize his scent from a mile away.

“Get the hell _off_ of me, Jax.” Lena snatched herself away from his grip, stumbling in the process.

“What the hell is _wrong_ with you?” Jax accused, mostly in anger, for what he had just seen her doing. “You realize you could have seriously gotten hurt or even killed?”

“You _lied_ to me.” Lena threw back, ignoring his questions. She was also angry, along with frustrated and really devastated. “You said nothing else happened that night, Jax.”

“Lee,” he tried to approach her.

“ _No_!” Jax screeched, shoving him back, _hard_. “Don’t _fucking_ touch me. Don’t even come _near_ me, Jax.”

Jax sighed, feeling the knots twisting his stomach. This is what he didn’t want to happen. He didn’t want to see the look on Lena’s face. “I _fucked_ up, Lee, a’ight. It was a mistake. Tara means _nothing_ to me. I know that now.”

“You son of a _bitch_.” Lena choked out, feeling the tears starting to slip down her cheeks. He didn’t know until now? “I don’t even know who’s more to blame for this happening, you or me. Because I knew this was gonna happen. I’m so _stupid_.”

That was another stab to Jax’s gut.

Lena went to walk away to gather her bearings, but nearly lost her balance. Jax was quick on his reflexes to help her, and that ended up being the second time he had gotten slapped that night. But Lena didn’t stop there. She shoved him back several more times, while her tiny fists beat angrily on his chest.

Jax just took it. He knew he deserved it.

When she couldn’t hit him anymore, Lena collapsed in Jax’s arms, heavy sobs wracking her body.

“I’m so _fucking_ sorry, baby.” Jax whispered into hair, holding her close to him. “I’m so sorry.”

After a few moments, Lena finally found the strength to pull away from him. She looked up at him, tears still pouring down her face. She trembled, feeling her chest becoming tighter with each breath she took. “I _can’t_ do this, Jax. We’re _done_.”

“Lee, don’t…” This was definitely not what Jax wanted. He needed to find a way to fix this.

The two of them were cut off by the sound of Jax’s ringing cell phone. Jax contemplated not answering it, but it just continued to ring. He sighed heavily, pulling the phone from his pocket, seeing his mom’s name flashing across the screen. He just knew that she was calling to see if he found Lena yet.

“Ma, this is not a good time.” He finally answered, keeping a close eye on Lena, who was making her way back over to the ledge. 

Jax tried to listen to what his mother was saying, as he watched Lena stop and look down below them. Her curls blew idly as the wind picked up a bit, and he could still hear her sniffling softly. His heart was shattering seeing her so broken right now. He was wishing that he could take everything back.

The color immediately drained from his Jax’s face when he heard his mother’s devastating news. When he snapped his phone shut, he looked at Lena a few moments before cautiously making his way over to her. He then placed his hands on her shoulders and was surprised when she didn’t shrug him off.

“Lee, we gotta go.” Jax whispered softly, squeezing her shoulders softly. “Something terrible just happened.” 


	9. Chapter Nine

## Chapter 9

Donna Winston was _dead_.

When Jax got the message that his best friend’s wife had been killed, he didn’t tell Lena the full details, but she just hopped on the back of his bike anyway. In a matter of a few minutes, they pulled up to an intersection where Opie’s truck had been parked at the traffic light. Cop lights were flashing all around and a square of caution tape had been set around the crime scene.

Jax was the first to hop off of his bike, rushing over to his best friend, who had pushed his way past the yellow tape. Lena then watched, as Opie dropped to his knees, cradling his wife’s dead body in his arms, and sobbing uncontrollably.

Lena didn’t know if it was from all the alcohol she’d consumed throughout the night or the sight of Donna Winston’s bullet riddled body, she instantly felt sick. She quickly leaned over to the side of Jax’s bike and released the contents from her stomach. 

Everything continued to happen in a blur. Rumors had quickly spread that Donna’s death was a retaliation of the Oakland gang, **One-Niners**. Although, no one understood why the **9ers** would retaliate against Donna, since they currently had no beef with **SAMCRO**.

The next morning Lena found herself helping out Mary Winston, Opie’s mother, with any necessary arrangements or helping around anyway she could. Opie and the kids were completely distraught, as they should have been.

As Lena went to put away more food that had been dropped off to the Winston home, Jax was making his way through the front door. She immediately stopped in her tracks the moment he stood in front of her. Things were awkwardly quiet between them. Last night he’d dropped her off at her house and no words had been spoken between them.

“Hey,” he spoke first, removing his shades from his face.

“Hey,” she responded back, swallowing thickly.

“How long’ve you been here?”

Lena shrugged, folding her arms across her chest, closing herself off from him. “Since early this morning. I took a cab to pick up my car from the garage. I just really wanted to be here to make sure that Opie and the kids were okay and to help out as much as I could.”

“Lee,” Jax exasperated, noticing that she didn’t want to even look him in the eye.

Lena shook her head dismissively, looking down at her shuffling feet. “Jax, please don’t. This is not the time for us. Your best friend just lost his wife. You need to focus on and be there for him. Me and you,” she hesitated for a moment, “we’re not important right now.”

When Lena finally did look up at Jax, she could see the hurt in his crystal eyes, but he just nodded anyway. “Where is he?”

Lena tossed her head toward the backyard. “He’s outside with the kids.” 

Again, Jax nodded, making his way out to the back porch to comfort Opie.

Lena just watched him walk away from her, feeling her heart breaking with each step he took. As much as she wanted to comfort him, knowing that Jax was hurting for his best friend, Lena, herself, was still hurting from what happened between them before everything really fell to shit.

Jax had lied to her about everything that happened between he and Tara.

Jax had _slept_ with Tara.

Even just thinking about it, almost picturing it in her mind, caused a searing pain to burn through Lena’s chest.

Lena’s first instinct was to run out of the Winston household and go drown her sorrows at the bottom of a whiskey bottle, like she had been doing lately. Like she had seen her mother do for all those years prior to her suicide. But Lena tried to suppress all of that to the back of her mind.

Like she just told Jax, whatever bullshit was going on with them, was not important. But Lena knew eventually that she and Jax would have to deal with the status of their relationship sooner or later.

Just not today.

Saying goodbye to a beautiful friend was top priority. 

Lena and Donna weren’t exactly best friends, but they were definitely close. They both attended the same high school, but never really hung out in the same circles. It was hard for Lena to make friends, because she was the new girl in town and her only association was with the notorious _Sons of Anarchy._ Most of those in Charming either hated or feared the _Sons_.

It wasn’t until after high school that Lena and Donna became fast friends, when Donna began dating Opie. Lena was Donna’s maid of honor, in the wedding, and her and Opie made Lena godmother to their daughter, Ellie. 

When Opie went to prison, Lena and Donna’s friendship kind of got placed on the back burner, as Donna was distancing herself from anything that had to do with **SAMCRO**.

Now Lena felt guilty that didn’t spend as much time with Donna as she could when Donna was alive.

“Hey,”

Lena was broken out of her thoughts when she turned around to see Opie’s mother, Mary, standing right behind her.

“Hey, Mary.” Lena gave her a small, comforting smile. “I probably already know the answer to this, but how’re feeling?”

Mary swallowed thickly, a somber looked in her blue eyes. “This is so heartbreaking.” Her bottom lip trembled.

Lena automatically felt the tears stinging the back of her eyes. “I’m so sorry this happened.” She reached out to pull Opie’s mother into a tight hug.

Mary released a deep breath, returning the gesture, also squeezing Lena tight. “Thank you so much for being here, Lena. We really appreciate it.”

Lena nodded, releasing herself from Mary’s hold. “Anything you need, I’m here.”

Mary gave Lena a watery smile, before reaching up to push a curly tendril of Lena’s hair behind her ear, before resting her hand underneath Lena’s jaw. Lena immediately understood what Mary was telling her just by the look in her eyes.

Mary was young when she fell in love with Piney, and they married fairly quickly. She soon found herself pregnant and living in complete regret. She stayed with Piney a few more years after Opie was born, but she had finally had enough. Mary then took Opie, packed their belongings, and left Charming. Of course, Opie ended up returning, wanting to be with his father, and that broke Mary’s heart.

“So,” Mary cleared her throat, walking over to the sink to begin on the dishes that were sitting in there, “I saw Jax coming in. How’s that going?”

Lena sighed heavily, still not wanting to have to deal with her and Jax’s current situation. “It’s complicated, Mary.”

Mary again nodded in understanding, rinsing off a plate and sitting it in the dish rack. “It’s always complicated when it comes to those Sons.”

“Tell me about it.” Lena muttered, leaning her hip up against the counter next to Mary.

When Mary finished the rest of those dishes, she then turned her full attention to the young woman standing sadly in front of her. Mary noticed that Lena was looking a bit distraught, and she knew that it had more to do with her son’s best friend than her daughter in law. 

“Sweetheart,” Mary began, drying her hands, “I know this is not my place, but I love my son, dearly. But this lifestyle he and his father live is dangerous for everyone around them. I believe you’re a smart girl, Lena, but I also know how _charming_ these men can be, and I’m not trying to tell you this to scare you or to be insensitive to my daughter in law, but please just take what happened last night into consideration. Get out while you can.” She finished, reaching up to caress Lena’s cheek and then retreating from her sight.

Lena just stood there, allowing Mary’s words sink in. Even with Donna’s death looming in the air, Lena never even considered that something like this could also happen to her. There was a rule in certain MCs that she knew about specifically. Like women and children were off limits. But Donna’s death definitely proved to be just the opposite. 

Lena quickly shook that thought from her head. Her and Jax were in a bad spot right now, but she knew that he wouldn’t let any physical harm come her way.

Lena was shoving another sympathy casserole dish into the already overcrowded refrigerator when she turned to see Jax making his way back into the house.

“Hey,”

“Hi,” Lena hesitated, “how’s Ope doing?”

“He just lost his wife, so…” Jax said, shoving his hands into his jean pockets. “Can we talk?”

“Jax,” Lena sighed heavily, not sure if she really wanted to do this. Especially after she told him that now wasn’t the time.

“Just give me a few minutes, please.” Jax told her, sorrow written in his crystal eyes.

Lena contemplated for a moment, before she told him, “fine.”

Jax nodded and then proceeded to lead Lena out of the house and onto the front porch, where the two of them took a seat on the steps.

Things were quiet for a few moments, before Lena heard Jax say, “I’m sorry, Lee. I never meant to hurt you.”

“Then why did you do it?” Lena whispered, trying to hold back her tears.

Again Jax went quiet, and Lena thought that maybe he was trying to come up with another lie. “Honestly,” he spoke, looking out ahead of himself, “it just felt familiar.” He immediately felt Lena tense beside him, before he turned to face her. “It was never my intention to sleep with Tara, it just happened.”

Lena then let out a sarcastic chuckle, not even looking his way. “So, what now, Jax? You want me to forgive you? Because, I can’t,”

Jax cut her off. “I know you can’t, Lee. And I’m not expecting you to.”

“Maybe it was a mistake for us to do this you and me thing, Jax.” Lena muttered softly.

Now it was Jax’s turn to shake his head dismissively. “No, it wasn’t. I _do_ love you, Lee,”

“But you love Tara.” Lena finished for him, the bitterness rolling off her tongue.

Again, Jax shook his head. “Not in the way I used to. I meant what I said about what we have being _more_ than what I could ever have with Tara.”

Things get quiet again, before Lena spoke. “So, where do we go from here?”

Jax shrugged. “I don’t know. That’s up to you, Lee.” He said, and Lena immediately looked at him, not exactly sure what he meant by that. “But whatever you decide, I’ll respect your decision.” Jax then stood up from his spot on the stoop, leaning down to kiss the top of Lena’s head.

Lena then watched as Jax made his way over to his bike, starting it up, and taking off from her sight.

Today was the day that they were to finally lay Donna to rest. Opie had made the decision to not have a wake for his wife and that the best thing was to give her a proper goodbye.

Lena had rode in with Gemma, as **SAMCRO** and other available family charters led the processional. 

Well, minus Jax.

Jax had disappeared for a whole day from Lena’s radar. She didn’t know whether to be relieved or worried. Jax had also left her with the ultimate decision to make about the status of their relationship, which she had decided, but wasn’t sure if it was the right decision. She also immediately knew that something was wrong when she saw Jax’s kutte at the clubhouse. She knew for a fact that he never left anywhere without it.

Something had to have gone down since the night Donna was killed.

Now Lena found herself sitting squeezed in between Gemma and Mary, as Donna’s closed casket laid before them.

Lena was surprised to see that Tara had the audacity to show up at Donna’s funeral, when the doctor barely even knew Opie’s wife. Lena wanted so bad to make her way over to Tara, to tear her apart for her part in what she and Jax did, but restrained herself out of respect for the Winston family. But sooner or later, Lena was definitely gonna have a talk with the good doctor.

As the priest was reading the last of the Hail Mary’s, Lena saw Jax finally appear. He was casually making his way through the cemetery. He was wearing the same clothes she last saw him in, minus his kutte that Juice was now holding onto.

As Jax further approached them, Lena could feel the tension coming off from him and Clay. So, she knew right then and there, that something definitely went down between them. Lena also noticed the bruise that had formed in the corner of Jax’s mouth, where it looked as if someone had struck him in a fight. She then remembered that Tig was also sporting some black and blue bruising across his face as well.

Lena swallowed thickly, releasing Gemma’s hand from hers, and standing to her feet. She then made her way past the Winstons, Wendy, and Tara; all eyes were now on her. She snatched Jax’s kutte from Juice and met Jax half way. She held open and quickly helped Jax slip back into his kutte, where it belonged.

Jax turned to face Lena, knowing what the look in her eyes meant for their relationship. He leaned forward, brushing a soft kiss on her cheek, before caressing it with his thumb. Making his way to Donna’s casket, Jax grabbed a flower and laying it on top of it. He then turned to face Clay and Tig, before stalking off.

After the funeral, Lena found Jax, still in the cemetery, sitting on top of his father’s headstone. He was smoking a cigarette, while reading over a thick packet in his hands.

“Hi,” Lena squeaked out, as she approached Jax cautiously, and he immediately looked up at her.

“Hey,” Jax spoke, blowing smoke from the last part of his cigarette out, before flicking the butt to the ground.

“What happened?” Lena questioned about bruise on his mouth, but Jax kept quiet. She immediately knew that it was something he didn’t want to tell her for her protection. “Okay, can we talk?”

Jax nodded, shoving whatever he was reading back into a manila envelope. “I already know where this is going, darlin’. I can see it in your eyes.”

Lena released a shuddering breath, feeling her emotions starting to bubble in the pit of her stomach. “Jax, I love you. I’ve loved you since I was 15, and as much as this is gonna hurt me to say this,” she hesitated a bit, “I can’t do this anymore.” She whispered, feeling two tears slip down her cheeks.

Jax looked off for a moment, taking it all in. Then he turned back to Lena, nodding. “Okay,” he said, looking up at her surprised face, “I told you I’d respect your decision. But just because we’re not gonna be together, doesn’t mean I’m not gonna stop loving you, Lee. Or even be there for you, whatever you need.”

Lena swiped the tears that continuing to fall down her cheeks, before making her way over to him. She then leaned forward, pressing her lips to his stubbled cheek. “Goodbye, Jax.” She told him, before walking away.


	10. Chapter Ten

## CHAPTER 10:

A week or so had passed since Donna’s funeral, and Jax had stayed true to his word. He respected Lena’s decision to end their relationship.

Lena was full on expecting for Jax to be following her every move and showing up placing that she would be. Or even having that prospect, Half-Sack, trailing her. But nope, Jax gave Lena the space she needed. She didn’t know whether to be disappointed or relieved.

That space also meant leaving her bartending work at the clubhouse. Lena knew that in order for her and Jax to have a clean break, she needed to distance herself from anything or anyone involved with her now ex and **SAMCRO**.

So, when she found herself standing outside of Gemma’s office at Teller-Morrow, Lena was nervous as hell.

Lena told Jax’s mother the day of Donna’s funeral what she was planning to do with her relationship with Jax. Lena wasn’t surprised that Jax had unofficially confessed to Gemma about his indiscretion with Tara, since Jax could never really lie to his mother.

Of course Gemma begged Lena not to break up with Jax and tried to convince her that Tara was nothing, but Lena had already made up her mind.

After several hesitant seconds, Lena finally made her way inside Gemma’s office. She immediately found the Queen of **SAMCRO** sitting behind her desk, glasses perched on the bridge of her nose, as she read over some paperwork.

The moment Lena walked through the door, Gemma looked up.

“Hey, baby,” Gemma smiled, quickly removing her glasses, setting them down on her desk, and standing to her feet.

“Hey, Gem,” Lena said, shutting the door behind herself.

“What brings you by?” Gemma questioned swiping her blonde streaked bangs from her face.

Lena swallowed nervously. “I’m just here to get my last check.”

Gemma’s face immediately fell, and she sighed heavily. Jax’s mother was somehow hoping that Lena’s presence meant that the girl was coming back, but sadly that wasn’t going to happen. Gemma then looked under her mess of paperwork to find the check she had prepared for Lena earlier that day and then walked it over to her son’s ex.

When Lena took the check from Gemma’s reluctant hands, she looked up into her ex’s mother’s bright green eyes. Lena could see the hurt and sadness written in them.

“And there’s nothing I can do to convince you to stay?” Gemma solemnly asked, placing her hands on her hips.

Now it was Lena’s turn to sigh heavily. Gemma had been trying everything to get Lena to reconsider. “Gem,”

Gemma quickly cut her off, “I mean you’re the best I got. You’re the only one who actually does any goddamn work around here. And whether you believe it or not, Jackson needs you.”

That was a punch to Lena’s gut. “I wish things were different, Gemma, I do, but they’re not, so,”

“ _Jesus_ ,” Gemma seethed in quiet anger, “I could kick Jax’s ass for what he did to you.” She then looked down at Lena with sympathy in her eyes. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”

Lena shrugged in a nonchalant manner. “It’s not your fault, Gem. It’s just that with me and Jax, timing always seemed to be wrong.”

“C’mere.” Gemma pulled Lena into a hug. “I’m still here if you need anything.”

Lena wanted to tell Gemma that she really didn’t need or want anything from her or **SAMCRO** , but she didn’t. She just told her, “ _thank you_ ” and hugged her back.

When Gemma pulled back from Lena, she kept her arm around Lena’s shoulder. “C’mon, I’ll walk you out.”

Lena nodded and allowed Gemma to lead her out of the office. The moment the two of them head toward Lena’s Mustang, Lena stopped dead in her tracks. Her heart fell into the pit of her stomach at the sight of that ugly ass Cutlass parked just a few cars down from hers.

“What the hell is _she_ doing here?” Lena questioned bitterly.

“ _Jesus Christ_ ,” Gemma muttered, releasing her arm from Lena. “I guess the good doctor is a persistent little _gash_.”

“What do you mean?” Lena furrowed her brows toward Gemma.

“Well, since you and Jax split, she’s been hounding my son for attention.” Gemma admitted, watching Lena’s eyes turn back to look at Tara’s car. “I swear she’s needier than the _goddamn_ croweaters.”

“Then why don’t you just tell her to stop coming by?” Lena kept her eye on the black car, all sorts of petty ideas running through her head.

“Jax said he’d handle it.” Even when Gemma said those words, Lena knew that she didn’t believe them.

“I bet he’ll handle it alright.” Lena muttered to herself, feeling the anger pulsing through her veins. But then she realized that there was no point in getting upset. She and Jax were done. “You know what? Jax can do whatever the hell he wants now. It’s not my problem anymore.”

“But I know what would make you feel better.” Gemma whispered in Lena’s ear, before presenting her with an all black knife that Lena knew that Gemma always kept hidden in her boot.

Lena swallowed thickly, contemplating on what she was going to do. She knew what Gemma wanted to her to do, because hell, she wanted to do it herself. But Lena didn’t know if she really wanted to stoop that low.

It was all about taking the higher ground, right?

But all Lena kept picturing was her ex and his ex fucking, in her head, and it was enough for her to quickly snatch the knife from Gemma’s hand. 

Lena then stomped her boot clad feet over to Tara’s car, and without thinking, she forcibly stabbed the wall of the back passenger tire. The sound of the punctured tire losing air was like music to Lena’s ears, so she didn’t stop. By the time she was finished, all four tires had been popped, and _WHORE_ was deeply carved into the driver’s side door.

Lena then casually made her way back over to Gemma, setting the knife back into her ex’s mom’s hand, while Gemma looked at her with pride.

“Thanks, Gem. That made me feel a lot better.” Lena smiled, traipsing to her car.

* * *

Jax sighed heavily, puffing annoyingly on a cigarette, as he worked on replacing the back tire on Tara’s Cutlass. When he finally convinced his former girlfriend to leave the clubhouse, because her simple presence was seriously irritating him, Tara came back to him freaked out when she saw the damage done to her car.

Jax offered to fix what he could and sent her off in a cab. Once he’d finished the car, he’d definitely have Half-Sack, the Prospect, to bring Tara her car back and finally be rid of her for good.

“Hey, baby, you okay?”

Jax looked up from screwing on a lug nut on the tire of the Cutlass that was suspended in the air, seeing his mother approaching him. He stopped what he was doing, setting his tool down, and pulled the cigarette from his lips. “You wouldn’t happen to know about this _shit_ , would you?” He pointed the scratched word on the driver side door on Tara’s car.

Gemma huffed, pulling her sunglasses above her head. She leaned forward inspecting Lena’s handiwork, still feeling proud. “It looks like the work of a scorned Old Lady.”

Jax rolled his steely blues in annoyance. “That doesn’t seem like somethin’ Lena would do. Unless she had the influence of someone.” He looked pointedly at his mother.

Gemma shrugged. “I’m not the one who couldn’t keep my shit in my pants, honey. Hooking up with Tara was a _bad_ fucking idea.”

“I _know_ that.” Jax spat bitterly, going back to tightening a lug nut on the back tire.

“And that little hussy keeps showing up, shoving her snatch in your face, and you keep entertaining the cunt when you need to be working things out with Lena.”

Jax sighed heavily, the annoyance growing in the pit of his stomach. Sometimes he wished his mother would mind her own _fucking_ business. “Ma, there’s nothing going on with me and Tara, and I already told you that I told Lena that I was gonna respect her decision.”

Gemma pursed her lips together, knowing that her son was nowhere near done with Lena. He was just trying to be the good guy since he was the one who fucked up. But she also knew the man that Jax could be. Her son was very territorial when it came to things he felt belonged to him, and that was never good for anyone involved. “So, you’re telling me that you’d be okay with seeing your Old Lady out with other men?”

Jax’s jaw ticked at that thought, as he stubbed out his cigarette, before reaching for another. “It’s not my choice, is it now?”

Gemma folded her arms across her chest. “I know _you_ , Jackson. I know what Lena means to you. Fix it, before someone else gets hurt.” She tossed her sunglasses back on and then stalked off.

Jax watched his mother walk away, and he knew that she was right. He needed to make things right with Lena, before he ended up with a longer murder rap that he already had.

* * *

After Lena left TM, she was still feeling energetic from that adrenaline rush of busting up Tara’s wheels, that she decided to burn it off by running some errands. She knew that she should have felt bad for vandalizing someone else’s property, but Lena was just tired of giving a shit anymore. 

Lena was now currently making her way through her local grocery store, picking up a few items that she was low on. As she was making her way down the cereal aisle, she was stopped by a familiar face, as he was still dressed in his tan uniform.

“Lena, hey.”

“Hey, David.” Lena gave the Deputy Chief a warm smile. “What’s going on?”

Hale shrugged. “Nothing much. Just got out of work, picking up some things for tonight’s dinner.”

Lena then casually peered into Hale’s basket, seeing only bread, cheese, and a can of tomato soup. “I’m guessing you’re making grilled cheese.”

Hale chuckled, embarrassingly, his face turning a deeper shade of red. “Yeah, I’m not much of a cook, but I can make a mean grilled cheese.”

Lena giggled softly. “When was the last time you had an actual meal?”

Hale started calculating in his head, and he was coming up blank. “I guess it’s been awhile.”

Lena nodded. “I figured as much.” She then sighed heavily, looking down in her own basket, before turning to look back at David. She was feeling like she might regret what she was about to say next. “Look, I’m making spaghetti for dinner tonight. If you want, you can come by my place around 6:30 and have a real meal. _Not_ grilled cheese.”

David’s face lit up like a Christmas tree. “Yeah, that sounds great.”

“It’s not a date.” Lena quickly clarified, because she didn’t want the Deputy Chief to get his hopes up that this was going to be anything more than two friends having dinner. “This is _me_ saving _you_ from that grilled cheese.”

David nodded in understanding. “Okay, that’s fine. I guess I’ll see you tonight.” He gave her one last smile before turning heel and leaving the cereal aisle.

Lena then paid for her items and made her way out of the grocery store. But since life was out to get her, she was stopped dead in her tracks again. The last person she ever wanted to see was now standing before her.

“ _Jesus Christ_ ,” Lena hissed, rolling her eyes, “you really _are_ like a cockroach.”

Tara just ignored Lena’s snide comment and folded her arms across her chest. The good doctor was angry and didn’t have any time for petty, childish games. “I know what you did.”

“And what is it that I did, Doctor?” Lena gave Tara a small, teasing smirk.

“What you did to my car was completely uncalled for, Lena.” Tara spat, her pale cheeks burning in anger. “You’re lucky that Jax can fix it at no charge.”

Lena gave a hearty, sarcastic chuckle. “You have no proof that I did anything to your shitty ass car. So, if you don’t mind, I have to be somewhere that’s nowhere near you.” She quickly brushed past Tara, bumping her shoulder in the process.

However, Tara wasn’t done. Jax’s former love immediately reached out to grab Lena’s wrist to stop her. “Look, I know you’re pissed about what Jax and I did, _boo freaking hoo_ , but that doesn’t give you the right to vandalize someone’s property.” 

Lena looked down at Tara’s pale hand that was wrapped around her brown one. That was definitely the wrong thing for Tara to do. Anger bubbled in Lena’s gut, as she snatched her wrist from Tara’s hold. That caused the doctor to stumble just a bit, before Lena stepped up to Tara’s face. 

“You touch me again, bitch, and the next time, I will carve WHORE into your goddamn forehead.” Lena threatened, before finally stalking off to her car and leaving Tara in disbelief. 

* * *

Lena was relieved when she didn’t see Jax’s bike parked in front of the house. After dealing with Tara, she really didn’t want to really deal with him either. Parking her Mustang in the driveway, she hopped out of the car. She then made her way up to the front door, letting herself inside.

Lena immediately spotted Neeta, folding clothes, as she made her way into the kitchen. Neeta was a long time friend of the family. After Wendy split again, following Donna’s death, Neeta was brought on to help with taking care of Abel.

The moment Neeta noticed Lena’s presence, she stopped her task, looking over at her boss’ ex. “Oh, hello.”

“Hey Neeta.” Lena replied softly, making her way further into the kitchen.

“You know that Jax isn’t here, honey.” Neeta told her with furrowed brows. “He’s at the garage.”

Lena nodded, feeling a gnawing in her gut. “Yeah, I know. That’s why I’m here. I just came by to get the rest of my things.”

Lena saw Neeta internally facepalm, shaking her head, at her slip. “Right. I’m sorry, girl.”

“Don’t apologize.” Lena waved her off. “Where’s Abel?”

“He’s down for his nap.” Neeta said, and noticed the desolate look across Lena’s face. “Actually,” she looked down at her watch, “he should be getting up for his afternoon bottle right now. If you want to feed him?”

Lena gave Abel’s nanny a warm smile. “I’d love too.”

Neeta returned the smile, before reaching over and pulling a ready bottle from what Lena had assumed was a jug of warm water. She handed it over to Lena, and Lena didn’t hesitate to grab the bottle from Neeta. Lena sat her keys and purse on the table, and making her way into Abel’s nursery.

Lena walked cautiously up to the crib, peering down. Her heart melted and a small smile graced her features at the sight of a tiny version of her ex now staring right back at her with those big blue eyes.

“Hey, handsome. You hungry?” Lena cooed, reaching down to grab the infant from the comforts of his bed.

Abel squirmed and gurgled, as Lena sat down and got herself comfortable on the rocking chair. She then placed the bottle to the little boy’s mouth, and he latched on greedily, making grunts of satisfaction.

“I guess you were hungry, huh?” Lena giggled, rocking gently back and forth, as Abel continued to scarf down his lunch.

Lena looked down at Abel, stroking her finger across his softy, rosy cheek. She couldn’t believe that it was only just a few months ago when they didn’t even know if he was going to survive with being born early with a hole in her stomach and having the family flaw. Now look at him. Aside from the scar on his belly, you never would have thought that this was even the same child.

Lena sighed heavily, still rocking back and forth, feeling the guilt eating away at her conscience. She wanted to blame her break up with Jax for the sudden disappearance in Abel’s life, but she knew it was way before that.

She never wanted to admit it out loud, but when Lena lost her baby, a small part of her resented the little boy squirming in her arms. She knew it was wrong, but she could help but feel that it was unfair that Abel was getting a second chance at life, while her baby would never see the light of day.

Now that her and Jax’s relationship was done, she knew that she’d never get the chance to even start making it up to Abel.

“I’m so sorry, buddy.” Lena told Abel softly, as his big blue eyes stared up at her. “I wish that things could be different. I wish I could be here to watch you grow. But,” she sucked in a deep breath, “I can’t. I know that’s selfish, but your daddy and me,” she then hesitated, feeling the tears burn the back of her eyes, “it’s just not gonna work out. But you have people who love you— people who would die for you. You’re a _very_ lucky little boy. You should know that.”

Lena then pulled the now finished bottle from Abel’s mouth, before setting him on her shoulder. She gently rubbed the small of his back, coaxing the wind out of him. When Abel gave a small burp, Lena giggled softly.

“There you go.” Lena cooed, placing a kiss on Abel’s chubby cheek.

Lena hadn’t realized that she was being watched until she looked up and saw another pair piercing blue eyes staring back at her. Jax was leaning against the frame of Abel’s bedroom door, his arms folded across his chest.

“How long’ve you been standing there?” Lena questioned, swallowing the lump at the back of her throat, as her ex stood there with a small grin on his face.

Jax shrugged, now shoving his hands into his jean pockets. His kutte setting on across his chest, standing proudly against his blue flannel button up. “Not long. I just stopped by to check on Abel, and Neeta said that you were in here.”

“Yeah, I just came by to pick up the rest of my things, and I couldn’t resist.” Lena nodded toward Abel, who was snuggled comfortably in her arms.

“How’ve you been?”

Lena shrugged, keeping her attention on the little one in her arms. “I’ve been better.”

Things become uncomfortably quiet before the sounds of Jax’s soft laughter breaks it.

“What?” Lena wondered what was so funny now.

“‘ _Whore_ ’?” Jax teased. “I guess I never pegged you for the vandalizing type, Lee.”

“I guess I’m full of surprises, huh?” Lena snarked, “and just like always Jax Teller has to swoop in and be the damsel’s hero.”

And just like that, the mood had shifted.

“Look,” Lena sighed heavily, adjusting Abel in her arms, “I’m sorry. I probably shouldn’t have come here.”

Jax immediately shook his head in a dismissive manner, finally making his way into the nursery. “Don’t apologize for wanting to spend time with Abel, Lee.”

“I know I should have asked first—”

Jax cut her off, leaning against Abel’s dresser. “I know you may not believe a lot of shit I say nowadays, but I meant what I said when Abel was born. You’re just as much of his mother as Wendy— maybe even more.”

Lena swallowed thickly, looking back down at Abel, muttering to herself, “but I’m not, Jax. He needs a mother that is going to be there— help raise him. That’s not me.” She shook her head. “I have to distance myself from the club, from you, from him.” She could feel her heart breaking at the thought. “Maybe Tara would be a better mother to him.”

Lena knew that was a low blow, but it was what she was feeling.

Jax’s jaw ticked, as he ran a hand down his face, angrily pulling at his growing beard. He then turned to Lena with tears in his own eyes. “ _That’s_ not fair.”

Lena scoffed, feeling two hot tears falling down her cheeks. “ _Not_ fair? You want to talk about _not_ fair, Jax? Was it fair that you were banging your ex-girlfriend while I was losing your child? Was it fair that I have been here for you for years, only for you to end up with the woman that stomped on your heart 10 years ago, that I put back together? You want to talk about fair, Jax? _That’s_ not fair.”

Lena then stood to her feet, making her way over to Jax, and setting his son carefully into his arms. “I’m just gonna grab my shit, and I’ll be gone.”

* * *

Lena was busy throwing any of her things that she found either lying around in Jax’s room, shoved into his closet, or even in the drawers, in garbage bags. It had only been a few minutes since she left Jax in Abel’s nursery, but she was just ready to be out of here.

When something caught her eye, Lena stopped right in front of the dresser. What caught her eye was that photo of her and Jax from 6 years ago. It had been safely tucked back in the corner of the mirror. Reaching up, Lena plucked the picture from its resting spot, the happy faced taunting her.

Lena half thought about ripping it up, but instead just laid it on top of the dresser. She then looked up to see Jax’s reflection staring back at her in the mirror.

“I’m almost done.” Lena told him, quickly looking away. She went back to grabbing the last her things.

As she tried to walked passed Jax, he immediately stopped her by grabbing her by the waist.

“There is _nothing_ going on between me and Tara, Lee.” Jax strained, pushing her curls out of her face, and pressing his forehead to hers. “I promise you. Now tell me how to fix it, so we can put this shit behind us.”

Lena released a shuddering breath. Every bone in her body was screaming for him. She felt like her heart was going to explode. She hated that Jax Teller could make her feel this way. She knew she would have loved nothing more than to make things work, but she also knew that what he and Tara did would haunt their relationship forever.

“Jax,” Lena whispered softly, “there’s nothing to fix. We’re done.” She pulled away from him and walked out of his room.

* * *

Lena stared at her reflection in the mirror of her bathroom. She was still feeling the after effects of her encounter with Jax. A million and one thoughts were plaguing her mind, and it made her sick to her stomach.

Of course Lena still loved Jax. She didn’t know if she’d ever stop. But she also knew that loving Jax Teller is painful and highly toxic. Leaving him was the best thing she could have done.

Right?

Lena sighed heavily, trying to shake any thoughts of Jax Teller out of her head.

Right on time, the sound of her doorbell rang through the house. Lena quickly retreated from the bathroom, heading toward her front door. She knew that it was David Hale coming over for the dinner she had promised him earlier that day. After dealing with Jax, she wasn’t really looking forward to and didn’t exactly want to go through with this, but it was already too late to cancel. 

“ _Wow_.” David softly exclaimed the moment his eyes landed on Lena, as she opened the front door. “You look great.” He nodded toward what she was wearing; a cream camisole underneath, a cream off the shoulder, cropped cardigan, and a pair of practically painted on jeans. Her natural bright brown curls were pulled into a top bun, with wispy tendrils framing her heart shaped face.

It was her literal go to hairstyle, but David was staring at her like he had never seen it before.

Lena could feel the heat rising in her cheeks. “Thanks, David.” She then took in his casual wear of a fitted blue t-shirt underneath a button up, a pair of Wranglers, and brown boots. Lena couldn’t remember the last time she ever saw him in anything but his uniform. “Come in.”

“I brought wine.” David sputtered handing an unopened bottle of moscato to Lena.

Lena shut the door closed, turning to the gesture. She looked at the bottle and swallowed thickly. Ever since she and Jax split, she was trying to stay away from alcohol. She had been using it as a crutch to deal with her problems and knew that it was never the way to go. But Lena knew that in order to get through this dinner, that crutch was gonna help her stand tonight. 

So, Lena hesitantly took the bottle from David’s grasp. “This is great. Um, I’m gonna go toast the garlic bread, and everything should be ready. Would you like a glass?”

David nodded, noticing the nervousness written in Lena’s eyes. “Yeah, sure.”

“Okay,” Lena began, “just have a seat, and I’ll bring it out to you.” She told him, before rushing into the kitchen.

After tossing a few pieces of homemade garlic bread into the oven, Lena reached for a couple wine glasses. Popping the cork, she poured herself a full glass, before downing it in one go. She then poured herself another glass and one for David. Taking in a deep breath, she grabbed both glasses and the bottle, taking them both out to David, who was sitting on her couch.

Dinner with David actually didn’t go as bad as Lena had expected it to be. They mostly reminisced and shared a few laughs about high school, and the crazy teachers that they’d dealt with. But then the conversation took a turn, and they started treading into unchartered waters, when David brought up Lena’s biker ex.

“I’m sorry to hear about you and Jax.” David said, taking a sip from his wine glass. He had been nursing that one glass since he got there. Lena, on the other hand, had nearly finished the bottle herself.

Lena glared toward the Deputy Chief, as she took a huge swallow from her glass. “Sorry or _happy_?”

David sighed heavily, sitting back in his seat. “Am I happy that you’re not dealing with that criminal anymore? _Sure_. Am I happy that you’re not happy? Obviously _not_. Why this town believes in the _Sons_ , I’ll never understand.”

Lena shoved her plate away from her, also sitting back in her seat now annoyed as hell. “You’ll never understand because you feel as if you are on the right side of the law. _SAMCRO_ does a lot for Charming. They keep drugs and violence away from this ass backward town.”

“And what about Donna Winston?” David’s brow furrowed, challenging Lena’s defense. “How does that keep the violence away?”

And now Lena was sick to her stomach. “Donna’s death was very unfortunate and it will be dealt with.”

“With _more_ violence.” David stated firmly, folding his arms across his chest.

Lena sat taken aback. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t under the impression that this was an interrogation, David.”

David sighed and swallowed thickly, regretting everything that just happened. “I’m sorry. Maybe I should take off? It’s getting pretty late.”

“Yeah, maybe you should.” Lena snipped, standing up to start clearing the dishes and dumping them in the sink.

“I guess goodnight.” David said, feeling guilty for the way the night had turned.

Lena sighed heavily, turning to face David from her spot at the sink. She knew that David was a stand up guy, who upheld the law, and that **SAMCRO** wasn’t exactly the good guys. She just couldn’t help, but defend people she had still considered family. “Let me at least walk you out, David.”

David gently nodded, following right behind Lena, as she was making her way to the front door to open it.

“Hey,” David called out from stepping onto Lena’s front porch, “I’m sorry about what just happened. For what it’s worth, I really did enjoy myself. Maybe we could try this again sometime?”

Lena looked at her feet, leaning against the door, before looking back at David. “Maybe.”

All David could do was nod at the fact that he had ruined a perfectly good evening due to his hatred of **SAMCRO**. As he hopped in his jeep, he gave Lena one last wave, before starting up the vehicle and taking off.

Lena released the breath that she had been holding in, once she had shut her door closed again. She hated that she had let David get the best of her, coming to the defense of **SAMCRO**. 

Lena then heard the sound of what she thought was a revving engine of a motorcycle. Her brows furrowed, and she quickly turned to open her door once more. But instead of seeing what she thought she had heard, she found herself feeling a little disappointed to only see dark midnight skies and flickering street lights.


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: SENSITIVE MATERIAL COMING UP IN THIS CHAPTER

**WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SENSITIVE MATERIAL**

  


Deputy Chief David Hale casually made his way out of a local diner the following morning. He was carrying a bag of his favorite breakfast treats in one hand and holding a cup of black coffee in the other. This was his routine at least three times a week. The coffee Chief Wayne Unser would make at the station was absolutely horrid, and sometimes David hated the vending machine options. So, every other morning, he would find himself treating himself to some morning goodness.

As David continued to walk to his jeep, his mind kept replaying the events from last night like some cruel joke. He was having a nice dinner with the woman he’s crushed on since forever, only for his big mouth to ruin everything.

Of course he had to bring up Jax Teller and **SAMCRO** , and of course, Lena just had to go and defend them like they weren’t a bunch of criminals. SAMCRO was the reason that David decided to join the police academy in the first place. He was tired of them always getting away with murder, literally. He also knew that they had Unser in their back pocket, to help keep all of their dirt covered up. David never wanted to wish ill on anyone, but Unser’s cancer diagnosis was like a blessing in disguise. The Chief only had a few more months left, and then he was to retire. And when he did, David, would be happy to take his place; to finally take SAMCRO down for good.

On the other hand, David also wished that he could go back in time, and tell himself to shut the fuck up sometimes. But Jax Teller would always remain a thorn in his side.

And speaking of the outlaw biker…

David finally approached his jeep, that was parked curbside, when the sound of a familiar motorcycle pulling up caught his attention. The Chief Deputy rolled his eyes in annoyance, as he watched his blonde biker nemesis quickly hop off his bike and confidently make his way up to him.

“Something I can do for you, Teller?” David bitterly questioned.

Jax gave a sarcastic chuckle, staring straight at David. “You and I need to have a chat, _Deputy_.”

“About?”

“You know exactly what this is about.” Jax spat in agitation. “Why were you at Lena’s place last night? _Harassing_ her? Trying to get her to rat on me and my club?”

Now it was David’s turn to chuckle, as he stood toe to toe with the prince of Charming. “You think I was there to harass Lena? Well, Teller, clearly you’re mistaken. What I do with Lena Daniels is none of your concern.”

Jax’s jaw ticked in anger. “It is my concern when she’s my Old Lady.”

“Well, word around town is that’s not the case anymore.” David spat with a smug smile. “Lena can see whoever she wants to, she’s not some property you own.”

Jax could feel the anger radiating off of his skin. It took everything, but the wrath of God, to stop him from knocking the Deputy Chief to the pavement. The club was already in hot water as it is, and him going to jail wasn’t going to help the situation. “You know what, Hale? You’re biting off way more than you can chew. _Keep_ pushing my buttons.”

David placed his hands on his hips in a defensive stance. “Are you threatening me, Teller?”

Jax took a deep breath, exhaling slowly to calm his nerves. He then looked David straight in his eyes, again, smirking. “This is your first and last warning, Hale. _Stay_ … _away_ …from Lena or you’ll find out if I’m really threatening you.” Was the last thing Jax said, before stalking back off to his bike.

As Jax quickly hopped on, he looked back at Hale for a few more seconds. Once he established ground, he then kicked started the bike, backing out, and driving down the street.

* * *

It didn’t take Jax long before he found himself pulling his bike into the driveway of his best friend’s home. After Donna’s funeral, Opie had taken off on his own, leaving his kids in the care of Piney and Mary.

Jax knew that his best friend needed the time to come to terms with what happened to Donna, but he was happy that he was finally home. Although, what Opie was coming home to was just more tragedy.

Jax knew, or had a very high suspicion of, the real person who was responsible for his best friend’s wife’s death. When it came back that the **Niners** were not involved with Donna’s death, that suspicion lead to Jax’s own step father, Clay Morrow. 

After a tip, ironically, from Deputy Chief David Hale, Stahl had set up Opie to look like a rat in **SAMCRO** ’s eyes. That was when Jax realized that it was highly likely that **SAMCRO** was involved with Donna’s murder. Jax confronted Clay, but of course, Clay denied having any involvement. That still didn’t change Jax’s mind. He knew for a fact that both Clay and his right man, Tig, were the culprits.

Now was hard part of Jax coming clean and telling his best friend the truth or protecting the club.

Jax sighed heavily, hopping off of his bike and setting his helmet on the handle. He then removed his sunglasses, as he casually made his way up the rest of the driveway and into the garage where he finally spotted Opie, who had met him halfway. The two embraced in a brotherly hug.

“It’s good to see you, brother.”

Jax pulled away from his best friend. “How was the walkabout?”

Opie gave him a nonchalant shrug, looking down at his shuffling feet. “I’m doing okay.”

Jax then in turn gave Opie a smile, before looking over his shoulder and noticing that Opie was starting a new bike project. “What’s this?” He nodded, making his way over to the table and found himself surprised by what he saw. “Holy _shit_. Panhead EG. 63?”

“ _65_.” Opie corrected, also making his way over.

“Where the hell did you find it?” Jax questioned, still in awe.

“CHP pulled me over,” Opie began, “in Ukiah.” He folded his arms across his chest. “Started bullshittin’ with me. They turned me on to this parts guy.” He then pointed to the unfinished bike. “Electra Glide was just rotting behind some garbage. It’s all there—stock.”

Jax nodded. “That’ll keep you busy.”

“That’s the plan.” Opie countered firmly.

Things get quiet for a second, before Jax finally stated, “I missed you, bro.”

Now it was Opie’s turn to nod. “How’s everything going? How’s Lena doing? I forgot to thank her for the help with the kids, Donna’s funeral, and shit.” Opie questioned, as Jax sighed heavily at the mention of his ex’s name. “What? What’d I miss?” The taller biker’s brows furrowed in confusion.

Jax took a seat on the table, pushing his hair back. “I _fucked_ up, Ope.”

“What do you mean?”

Jax then looked up at his best friend. “Tara.”

“Jesus _fucking_ Christ, Jax.” Opie exasperated, immediately knowing what happened. “How did Lena take it?”

Jax shook his head, staring ahead of himself. “Not good. The day of Donna’s funeral, she ended us.”

“And how does Tara fit into all of this?”

“She _doesn’t_.” Jax spat. “It was a stupid fucking mistake that I didn’t realize until after it happened.”

“So, what are you gonna do now?”

“What can I do, Ope?” Jax questioned, standing to his feet again. “Lee, won’t even talk to me. And if she does, she’s seriously pissed. Like I could blame her anyway.” 

“You’ll figure it out.” Opie reassured his best friend. “So, aside from your chaotic love life, how’s everything else been going?”

Now it was Jax’s turn to shrug, still not sure he should spill the truth to Opie. “You know, gettin’ it done. Made a new deal with the Irish. Gonna run handguns up the coast till the ATF heat dies down.”

Opie’s brows furrowed again, in confusion. “What does that do for business?”

“We keep supplying Oakland.” Jax stated simply. We just need to figure out who that supply goes to.”

“Retaliation.” Opie said, placing all the pieces together.

“Yeah.” Jax nodded once more. “We’re sitting down to figure it out…waited until you got back.”

And before Opie could respond, the boys were interrupted by Opie’s mother, Mary, as she waltzed her way into the garage. “Hey, Jax.”

“Hey, Mary.” Jax replied, giving his best friend’s mother a hug.

“He’s too skinny, right?” Mary pointed at her son, who turned away from her in embarrassment.

“Yeah, well, we’ll beef him up.” Jax joked, reaching over to playfully backslap Opie’s stomach.

“Kids will be so glad to see you.” Mary told her son sympathetically.

Jax noticed that his best friend had trouble making eye contact with Mary. He could see the pain written across Opie’s face. Even though he was trying to hide it.

“I got some things to take care of.” Opie brushed off, finally looking at his mother. “You mind picking them up from school, ma?”

“We can wait, man.” Jax stepped in, knowing why Opie was avoiding seeing his kids.

Opie shook his head dismissively. “No. I’ll see the kids later, ma.” He kissed his mom on the cheek and turned to Jax. “See you at the clubhouse.” He gave Jax’s arm a quick pat, before stalking off.

Jax sighed deeply, watching Opie walk away, shoving his hands into his jean pockets. He then turned to look at Mary, seeing the desolate look across her face. “Ope loves his kids.” He reassured her. “We all just got to give him a minute.”

Mary nodded in agreement, reaching out to give Jax’s arm a small squeeze. “Take care of him, Jax.”

“Yeah.” Jax said, also making himself scarce from the Winston household.

* * *

Lena sighed heavily, making her way out of another place, angrily crossing a line through their wanted ad in the newspaper. Since leaving her job at the clubhouse, Lena was trying to catch up on finding work, so she could afford the important things in life. Like food and shelter. She had been out all morning just looking for any kind of work, but everywhere she went was just a string of disappointments. 

Lena was _thisclose_ to calling up Luann and finally accepting her offer. But she didn’t think she was that desperate.

Yet…

Lena was just about to make her way into the local diner on Main St, when she immediately spotted David Hale storming his way out of said diner in obvious anger. She knew she shouldn’t bother, considering what went down between them last night, but curiosity and a bit of concern got the best of her.

Against her better judgement, Lena followed Hale all the way back to his jeep.

“David?” Lena called out, stopping him in his tracks.

The young Deputy Chief turned around and saw that Lena was approaching him.

“Are you okay?” Lena questioned.

“I’m fine, Lena. Is there something I can help you with?” David quickly snapped at his long time crush in irritation.

“Nothing.” Lena could tell that David was still pissed from last night, and whatever happened in that diner, so she just decided to leave well enough alone and continue on about her business.

David sighed heavily, feeling bad for snapping at Lena that way. “Lena,” he called out to her, now stopping her in her tracks. “I’m sorry.”

Lena slowly turned back around to face the Deputy Chief. “I know you’re probably still mad about what happened between us last night, but it looked like you were upset about something else when you stormed out of the diner. I just wanted to know if you were okay.”

David nodded, starting to feel calm in Lena’s presence. “Yeah, I’m fine. What are you doing out here?”

Lena released a deep breath. “Well, since **SAMCRO** no longer supplies my checks, I’m job hunting.” She held up the newspaper in her hands.

“Speaking of **SAMCRO** ,” David began. “I had a little run in with your biker ex this morning.”

Lena’s brows furrowed in confusion, as she felt her heart drop into the pit of her stomach at the mention of her ex. “ _Jax_? _Why_?”

“What do you think?” David questioned. “Apparently, he knew that I was at your house last night and tried to intimidate me. He was basically marking his territory.”

“That didn’t last long.” Lena muttered to herself, feeling kind of relieved that she wasn’t going crazy when she thought she heard Jax’s bike last night. But she was also feeling a bit annoyed that her ex was reneging on what he told her he’d do. “Listen, David, whatever Jax is trying to do, don’t—”

David immediately cut her off. “Jax Teller doesn’t scare me, Lena.”

“I never said he did.” Lena countered.

Things are silent between the two for a few, before Deputy Chief spoke up again. “Look, I know that you and I have very differing opinions on the situation, but I just…can you please just be careful?”

“Be careful of Jax?” Lena questioned in uncertainty. She knew something other than Jax Teller and the Sons was plaguing his mind.

“Not just Jax.” David began, looking at Lena knowing that there was something else aside from **SAMCRO** that was starting to brew in Charming. “I know this town is a little bit backwards at times, but there are some new players in town that you should be wary of.” He said, thinking about the real reason he had stormed out of the diner from the disastrous lunch he had with his brother and the League of American Nationalists or so they called themselves.

David only saw them as white hate.

“Wary how?” Lena was definitely confused on what David was trying to get at. She could see that he was struggling for her sake to not say too much. “What more enemies for **SAMCRO**?”

“Possibly, yeah.” David said. “But they are not fond of, and I say this with the least bit of offense, people like you.”

“People like _me_?” Lena still questioned, as she was becoming annoyed with David’s cryptic talk. “What, like as in a woman?” She questioned, and David shook his head, looking down at his shuffling feet. Lena finally caught on. “You mean as in a _black_ woman?”

David nodded.

Lena then gave a dry chuckle, hating this town a little bit more. Although, Lena was of mixed race and grew up mostly around white people, she never questioned who she was. If her mother taught her one thing; it was to love herself for the skin she was in. Lena was proud to call herself a black woman in a town that had less than 10% of people of color. Black and non-black included. She had dealt with racism in the past. Being one of two of the only black girls going to her high school. Then a few years back, she had a short-lived face to face encounter with Ernest Darby and his group of neo-Nazi dickheads. Jax quickly shut that down, and Darby never came near her again.

Now, they were about to be dealing with this crap again.

“Lena,” David spoke, breaking Lena of her thoughts, “just—I don’t know how many times I have to tell you this, but just look out for yourself, okay? And if you need anything, don’t hesitate to call me.”

Lena nodded, still trying to process this. “Yeah, I will. Thank you.”

“I’ve, uh, got to head back to the station. You need a ride anywhere?”

Lena shook her head at David’s gesture. “No, I’m okay. My car is parked across the street.”

* * *

Jax pulled his bike up the driveway to Lena’s house, just as her Mustang arrived. He watched, as Lena hopped out of her car, before shutting off his engine. He then hopped off his bike and made his way to her.

Lena immediately turned to see her ex approaching her. “Jax, what are you doing here?”

Lena’s ex just shrugged. “I was just in the neighborhood, and I just wanted to stop by and check on you.”

“You were just in the neighborhood?” Lena eyed him warily.

“Yeah.” Jax nodded.

Lena still looked her ex up and down with weariness in her eyes. Something was definitely off about him.

“What’s the matter? Did something happen?” Lena questioned, hating herself a bit for still caring.

Jax swallowed hard, looking straight at Lena. “Can we talk?”

“Jax…” That was the last thing that Lena wanted to do. She needed a clean break from him, but it seemed like he wanted to make this hard for her. “If this is about David—“

Jax quickly cut her off. “No, it’s not about Hale. I made sure that he already knows the deal.” And before Lena could protest, he spoke up again. “I just really want to talk to you. Please.” He pleaded.

Lena silently cursed at the pull in her heart, before turning heel and making her way up the rest of her driveway to her front door. She knew that Jax was following behind her. Once she opened the door, Lena settled her things on the table in the foyer and continuing to walk toward the living room. Jax closed the door behind himself and still continued to trail Lena’s tracks.

Jax then found himself dropping onto her familiar ratty sofa, before watching Lena walk into her kitchen. She returned just a few short minutes later with a bottle of beer in one hand and a bottle of water in the other. She gave him the beer, and he silently thanked her. She then joined him on the opposite side of the couch.

Jax took a casual sip of his beer, just staring at Lena. He knew how much he had missed her, but seeing her now made his heart explode with want and need for her. She was so goddamn beautiful and if he had the chance, he’d take back that night in a heartbeat.

“You really look good, Lee,” Jax began, taking another sip of his beer.

“Jax,” Lena exasperated, not wanting to tread unchartered waters with her ex. But God, how much she missed him. “You said you wanted to talk. So, talk.”

Jax, again, nodded, sinking down further into Lena’s couch. No matter how much he complained about that thing, he would give everything just with lay with Lena on it. “Ope’s home.”

Lena felt a little relief in the pit of her stomach. She had been a bit worried about her ex’s best friend since he took off after Donna’s funeral. “That’s good. He doing okay?”

“He’s still trying to cope.” Jax answered and then became quiet. “I…uh…helped him kill a man today in retaliation for Donna.”

In all the years that Lena had known Jax, he was never really open about the things the club did. He always said it was for her protection. The less she knew, the less chances she had of getting hurt. So, she was surprised that Jax had volunteered this information as he did with Kohn a few weeks back.

“Jesus Christ, Jax.” Lena then felt that relief turn into dread. “ **Niner**?”

Jax shook his head. “No. **Mayan**.”

“Why do I get the feeling there’s a but somewhere in there?” Lena questioned, knowing Jax was leaving something out. “I thought you had pinned the murder on the **Niners**.”

Jax, again, shook his head. “LaRoy said the **Niners** didn’t do it, and I believe him.”

“So, who found out it was the **Mayans**?”

“Clay said he found some information on what happened. It led us right to the guy.”

“It wasn’t him either, was it?” Lena immediately knew when Jax looked down at his feet. “So, an innocent man was killed today?” She knew that the man wasn’t completely innocent, but in this case he was. “Do you even know who it is?”

Jax then looked back up at Lena. “I have my suspicions. They’re not concrete, but I don’t want to tell you, because I don’t want you to end up like Donna.”

“Jax…”

“Look, Lee, I told you all I could. _Full_ disclosure.” Things become quiet between the two, before Jax decided to change the subject. “Bobby’s coming home tonight. We’re having a party for him at the clubhouse. I really hope you’d come.”

“I don’t think so, Jax.” Lena shook her head and quickly standing to her feet. She then grabbed Jax’s empty beer bottle and made her way into the kitchen.

Lena didn’t realize that Jax had followed her until she turned around and found him standing behind her. 

“Please, just come to the party. You can stay as long as you’d like. We just need a lot of people there who love and support Bobby.”

Lena thought about it for a moment. She knew that she shouldn’t be going anywhere near **SAMCRO** , but she felt her resolve giving in. “ _Fine_. I’ll go.”

Jax gave her a small smirk, before crowding her space. “I can give you a ride. I know you miss riding the bike.”

Lena huffed, rolling her eyes, as she tried to ignore the closeness of Jax. “If I say yes, will you leave me alone?”

“Maybe.” Jax playfully teased. “I have to go finish up some things, but I’ll be back in an hour to come and get you.”

“I feel like you’ve just set a trap, and I fell for it.”

Jax just gave her a warm smile. “Thanks for the talk. I’ll see you later.” He leaned forward and pressed his lips against her cheek, before retreating from her sight. 

Lena sighed in frustration the moment she heard Jax close her front door. She had a feeling that she was going to regret this.

* * *

Lena can admit that she did kind of miss riding on the back of Jax’s bike. She always loved how freeing it felt and the wind whipping across her hair and skin. She also loved feeling so close to Jax, as she held onto him tightly.

When Jax pulled his bike into Teller-Morrow, the party was already in full swing. Classic rock music blasted in the air, while bikers entertained themselves with booze and scantily clad croweaters.

Lena hopped off of Jax’s bike, straightening out her skirt. Jax followed right behind her, taking the helmet he gave her, and sitting it on the handle of the bike.

Lena turned her attention to her ex as his bright blues looked her up and down, a small smirk forming across his handsome features. The small amount of annoyance she felt was nothing compared to the butterflies she was feeling at his open staring. But she wasn’t going to show it.

“ _What_?”

Jax shook his head, his eyes trailing up her thick frame in the outfit she chose to wear for the night. It was the right amount of sexy without the skanky. “You look good, Lee.” 

Just those simple words caused Lena’s cheeks to burn in a blush, but again, she was not going to play into his games tonight. She was here for Bobby and Bobby only.

“Don’t _do_ that.” Lena chastised her ex playfully.

“Don’t do _what_?” Jax questioned in feigned innocence.

“Be you.” Lena spat, causing Jax to let out a small chuckle. “Jax Teller; pretty boy outlaw, who can charm the panties off of any dumb broad who walks his way. _Me_ being _here_ , don’t change nothing between us, Jackson. I mean it.”

Jax shrugged in a nonchalant manner, taking a step closer to Lena. “Maybe. Maybe not. And besides you’re not some dumb broad.” He reached up to caress his calloused thumb across the softness of her cheekbone.

Lena, still not falling for his charms, pulled back from his touch. Her perfectly arched brows furrowed in confusion. “What the hell does that mean?”

Jax pretended that her rejection didn’t hurt, as he took another step toward her. “It means, let’s just celebrate Bobby coming home, and we’ll talk about us later.”

Lena shook her head, quickly stopping her ex in his tracks, pressing her hand against the Vice President patch on the kutte he proudly wore. She tried to ignore the warmth she felt beneath her fingertips. “There _is_ no us, Jax.”

Jax just gave Lena another smirk, leaning forward. Her heart began to beat faster in her chest, the closer his mouth got to hers. He then bypassed her awaiting lips, pressing a soft kiss to her cheek.

Jax then whispered into her ear, “we’ll _see_ about that.”

Lena’s body shuddered involuntarily, and she hated herself even more. She could already feel her resolve starting to crumble a little bit more.

 _Damn him_. She thought.

Fuck that. _Damn me_.

Lena then felt Jax reach down and grab her hand, locking their fingers, and pulling her over to the picnic table where the rest of **SAMCRO** welcomed her with open arms. They were excited to see that she was around. It was as if she had never left.

Lena then looked up to see the Queen of **SAMCRO** herself approaching her with a grin that matched Jax’s.

“Don’t _look_ at me like that, Gem.” Lena pointed out to her ex’s mom. “I know what you’re thinking. I’m just here for _Bobby_.” As she kept reiterating. She thought if she kept saying it out loud, it would actually be believable enough. 

“I wasn’t thinking anything, sweetheart.” Gemma said, the shit-eating grin still plastered on her face as she leaned in to kiss Lena’s cheek and wrapped her arm around her son’s ex’s shoulder pulling her into an embrace. “How you been? You doin’ alright?”

“I’m fine, Gemma.”

“Come on, let’s go and get you a drink.” Gemma then pulled Lena away, but not before Lena glanced back at Jax, who just smiled and gave her a wink in the process.

Lena knew exactly what this was. Let the men talk about club business, while the women-folk occupied themselves with other things.

* * *

Of course in the few weeks that Lena had been away, the clubhouse hadn’t changed one bit. No matter how much she, or the croweaters, or even the Prospect had scrubbed the place from bottom to top, it always reeked of stale beer, cigarettes, and pussy.

Tonight was definitely no different. Especially, since there was fresh (or not so fresh, depending on how you looked at it) pussy on full display. Whether it was swinging from the stripper pole or buried under Bobby’s face.

Grossed out, Lena had had enough, and decided to go in search for Jax, who had disappeared out of nowhere. That hadn’t surprised Lena at all. She was no longer in the company of his mother, who called it a night and went to go relieve Neeta of her babysitting duties. She volunteered to tag along, but Gemma turned her down. So, she found herself just wandering outside of the clubhouse. 

Lena immediately spotted Opie, sitting at the picnic table by himself. Her heart dropped at the sight of Jax’s best friend. He didn’t look good at all. She knew that him losing Donna was still hitting him hard.

“I knew I’d find you out here.”

Opie immediately looked up to see Lena approaching him, as he tried to plaster a smile on his face. He then stood to his feet, his 6 foot plus frame towering over her, as he embraced her in a hug.

“It’s good to see you, Ope.” Lena was the first to pull away, as they both took a seat at the table. “I’m glad you’re home and safe. I hope your trip gave you some clarity.”

Opie shrugged, finishing off his beer, and tossing it into the trash barrel. “I’m not exactly sure what it did for me. I come back home and Donna still ain’t here.”

Lena’s stomach clenched, as she reached out to give his arm a small squeeze. “I’m so sorry, Ope.”

Opie sighed heavily, and Lena could tell how much he was feeling sorry for himself. “I forgot to thank you for helping with the kids and helping to take care of everything for Donna’s service.”

“You don’t have to worry about that.” Lena shook her head. Thanking her was the least of his worries. “So, how are the kids?”

“They’re alright, I guess.” Opie gave another shrug.

“You _guess_?” Lena questioned. “Please, don’t tell me you’re avoiding your kids, Ope? They need you now more than ever.”

“Kind of like how Jax _needs_ you?” Opie quickly countered, but immediately regretted it.

“What?” Lena asked, taken aback. “My relationship with Jax is nothing comparable to you and the kids losing Donna.”

Again Opie released a deep breath. “I know that, Lee. Listen, I took Donna for granted when she was here.” He paused, swallowing thickly. “You and Jax —you’re good for him, Lee. Please realize that before it’s too late.”

Now it was Lena’s turn to swallow thickly at Opie’s words. Looking up into his baby blues, she let his words sink in, before standing to her feet. “Go home to your kids, Ope.” She told him, leaning down to place a kiss on his bearded cheek.

Lena was now really ready to call it a night and go the hell home. So, she went in search for Jax. As she began to look for her ex, Opie’s words kept burning in the back of her mind. She tried to erase them and pretend as if he never said them. She knew that she and Jax had to work through a bunch of bullshit, aside from his indiscretion with his doctor ex, to even begin to think about trying to right the wrongs.

Of course Lena still loved Jax. That was something that she knew that wasn’t going anywhere any time soon.

But was that love even enough?

Lena had stumbled onto her answer the moment she found Jax. He was currently sitting on his bike, nursing a cigarette, while smirking (yes, the same smirk), up at some scantily clad, bleached blonde standing between his legs.

Lena recognized that bad dye job and flat ass from anywhere. Ima Tite was one of Luann’s little porn sluts. Now Lena would never judge a person by their job considering the man she was in love with was an actual criminal. But that stringy haired, no ass having bitch was on another level trifling whore. Where Tara was more of a quiet and reserved whore, Ima wore her skankiness on her sleeve. Or more like on her rancid pussy that was always hanging out of the lack of clothing she liked to not wear.

Lena knew for a while that Ima was trying to push up on Jax, but he always said that he wasn’t interested in someone’s pussy who’d been around the block a couple of times.

Lena guessed that had changed now.

Clearing her throat, Lena approached the pair. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but Jackson, I’m gonna head home.”

Jax was surprised to see Lena now standing before him, not looking too happy, at the compromising position he was in. He quickly pushed Ima off of him and stood to his feet. “Lee,” he called out to his ex, who was already trying to get away from him. “ _Shit_.”

Lena just wanted to get away. She didn’t get too far though. She felt Jax grab her elbow and turned around to face him.

“That wasn’t what it looked like.” Jax tried to explain, but he knew that this was going to fall on deaf ears.

Lena took a deep breath, calming the urge to go off on him and that nasty bitch. She was trying to tell herself that Jax was no longer her responsibility anymore. “Jax, you don’t need to explain anything to me. You can do whatever and _who_ ever you want. Even if that is _skanky porn sluts_.” She seethed, but loudly enough for Ima to roll her eyes at. “So, goodnight, I’m going home.”

Jax tried to stop her again. “Lee, _don’t_. Let me at least give you a ride home.”

Lena chuckled sarcastically, snatching her arm from his grip. “Oh no,” she threw up a hand, “I don’t want to take up any more of your time. You go and have fun, Jax.” She shooed him back to Ima, who was still desperately lingering next to Jax’s bike.

“Lee, _stop_.” Jax gritted, chasing Lena once again, but she was too quick for him. “That’s not what I meant. Lee, please.”

Lena just ignored Jax’s pleas and continued on her way out of Teller-Morrow with Jax still trailing behind her. She was only focused on getting away.

Lena knew that she shouldn’t have come to this party. Of course, she’d live to regret it. Jax hanging around Ima, while making promises to fix things between them only proved that they were not ready to start over. She knew that his wandering penis would always be a problem in their relationship.

When Lena finally stopped walking, she realized that Jax was no longer following behind her and that she had walked pretty far away from the garage. The sound of a revving engine startled her, as she quickly found herself running into the closest alleyway. The last thing she wanted was for Jax to try to get her back on his bike.

A procession of bikes zoomed right passed her hiding spot, and Lena breathed a sigh of relief. When the coast was clear, she continued on her way. She knew of a bus stop that just on the other side of the alley.

##  **< <<<<WARNING: SENSITIVE MATERIAL AHEAD. IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY RACIALLY CHARGED LANGUAGE AND ANYTHING NON-CONSENSUAL PLEASE DO NOT READ.>>>>>**

While Lena silently cursed herself for letting herself fall for Jax’s charms again, she hadn’t noticed the vehicle that was slowly creeping up behind her. It wasn’t until those bright headlights casted a shadow over her form.

Annoyed that Jax had found her, Lena slowly turned around to face him. She was immediately shocked and surprised to not find Jax’s bike behind her. Fear and trepidation took over at the stark white van that had come to a complete stop.

Panic began to bubble in the pit of Lena’s stomach, as the engine to the van died, but the headlights stayed on. The driver and passenger doors opened, as two masked figures stepped out. Her heart raced, and she jumped in fright as the figures slammed their doors shut in unison. 

“What do you guys want?” Lena questioned, that fear intensifying in her gut.

The two figures just stood there, intimidatingly, not saying a word.

Although her feet felt like lead stuck in cement, Lena thought to make a run for it. But she didn’t make it far, as a third masked figure appeared before her. She immediately noticed a tattoo on the throat of her terror, before his fist collided with the side of her face.

Lena cried out, now feeling herself being dragged by her hair back toward the van. With every bit of energy she had left, she tried to kick and scream her way out of their hold. Her scream suddenly died in her throat, the feeling of the wind being immediately knocked out of her lungs. She had been thrown against the side of the cold, brick wall, causing her to cry out in pain.

“ _Please_ ,” Lena sobbed, every scenario of her trying to escape what was going to happen to her, flashed through her mind, “what do _you_ want?”

The figure that held Lena steady against the wall, amidst her struggling. She then felt him lean forward, his breath sending a disgusted shudder down her spine.

“I want you to deliver a message for me, ~~nigger~~.” The figure spat, and Lena felt sick to her stomach. “I want you to tell that race-traiting old man of yours and his little biker gang, to stop selling guns to other ~~niggers~~ and wetbacks.” He continued, getting frustrated at her struggling. He then slammed her face into the wall harder for emphasis. “If not, _bitch_ , we will find you and do this again.”

Lena let out another choked sob, as she was then carelessly thrown to the ground, the side of her head bouncing off the wet pavement. Her screams of protest went unheard over the heavy weight now pressing against her spine.

Lena continued to struggle, trying her hardest to try and fight back, but they were just too overpowering for her. She then felt the stockings she wore being torn to scraps, followed by her underwear. 

Lena tried to plead with them not to do this, but that all went ignored. A strong hand covered her mouth, and she let out a muffled scream when her worst nightmare came true. Her body felt like it was being ripped in half as she was now being violated in the worst way possible.

Lena finally stopped her struggle, now feeling completely numb to it all. By the time that each of them were done with her, guilt and shame covered her from head to toe. To add insult to injury, she was warned once again to tell Jax and **SAMCRO** to stop selling to color or they’d find her and do it all again.

When those headlights finally disappeared, Lena finally let out the choked sob that she had been holding in, curling into herself.

She had no idea what to do next. 


	12. Chapter Twelve

**WARNINGS:** _mentions of rape and assault, ptsd_

## CHAPTER 12:

Lena sat impatiently on the examination table of St. Thomas's emergency room. She was completely shaken up, trying to come to terms with what happened to her not even an hour ago. She felt unclean and wanted nothing more than to throw herself in the shower to scrub this horrific night away.

But she knew she couldn't.

Lena had no idea how she was able to make it to St. Thomas. After her attackers had left her behind, she just laid there, wallowing in guilt and shame. When she was finally trying to pull herself together, she thought about calling the cops, but not only was her phone completely destroyed, she didn't want what happened to her to go on record. She thought about walking back to Teller-Morrow, as she knew the party was still going on, but she also didn't need or want Jax involved. She couldn't call a cab, and she was in too much pain to walk a long distance. So, that bus, she had intended on catching at first was her last resort.

[[MORE]]

As she rode through town, Lena could feel the stares from the other bus riders on board. They were obviously staring at her still disheveled appearance. Her stockings were torn, and she had cuts and scrapes up and down her legs. She could feel the left side of her face starting to swell, as she tried to cover it with her now tangled, straightened locks.

No one said anything to Lena about her appearance, and no one ever got the chance. Once the bus stopped at her destination she quickly hopped out.

Now, as she waited to be seen, Lena let out a choked sob. She was ten seconds from hopping off the table and bolting for the nearest exit, when an unfamiliar doctor walked in.

"Hi, I'm Doctor Peters. You must be Miss," he looked down at his chart, "Daniels. What brings you in tonight?"

Lena couldn't hear the sound of the doctor's voice over the sound of her racing heart. She knew she shouldn't have come here. She just wanted to go.

Lena quickly made a run for it, but was stopped when a hand grabbed her elbow. Her mind immediately flashed to when her first attacker grabbed her, and she reacted through instinct when she connected a right hook toward whoever grabbed her.

Lena gasped in shock, coming back to reality, as she watched the ER doctor stumble backwards.

"Son of a _bitch_." The doctor hissed, grabbing at what he thought was his broken nose. When he pulled his hand away, it was stained red. " _Fuckin_ ' great. I said didn't want to do after hours ER, but nope. _Goddamn_ it." He muttered, before turning to Lena, ready to chew her out.

Doctor Peters then noticed Lena's demeanor. She was huddled against the front door, obviously frightened. She was bruised and battered, and her clothes look like they had been torn. He finally realized that this girl had been attacked.

"Hey," Doctor Peters said, after quickly cleaning himself up, tried to reach out for Lena.

Lena shoved him away, not wanting to be touched.

"I'm sorry." The doctor instantaneously stepped back in surrender. "Did someone hurt you? If they did, I can help you."

Lena released a shuddering breath. All she wanted to do was crawl in a hole and die. "I don't _need_ your help." She choked out. "I just want to get the hell out of here."

" _Wait_ ," Doctor Peters called out to stop her from leaving, "you came here for a reason, right? You wanted to get help. We can help you."

Lena swallowed thickly, trying to hold back the bile that was threatening to spill everywhere. She shouldn't have come here. She should have just stayed in that spot on the cold, wet ground. It was what she deserved.

"I want Tara Knowles." Lena didn't know why she said it, but it was the first thing that came to her mind.

Doctor Peters looked at Lena in confusion. "Dr. Knowles is neonatal."

"I _don't_ care." Lena whispered harshly. "You said you wanted to help. I want Tara Knowles."

Doctor Peters nodded, giving in. "Okay. I'll get you Dr. Knowles. But just promise you'll stay and get help." Lena gave him a silent nod in return. "Alright. Just wait here. I'll get her for you."

* * *

Tara had just come off of a 14 hour shift. She had three back to back surgeries with assisting Dr. Namid. Her last patient of the night, she was checking on, was a little baby girl born with a hole in her lower abdomen. Much like Abel.

Tara was ready to just call it a night and head home. She was going to take a long, hot shower, finish off her leftovers from the night before, and sleep. Before she had to do it all again tomorrow.

As she checked her phone, disappointed with no missed calls, she heard her name being paged over the intercom.

" _Dr. Knowles you're need in ER_. _Dr. Knowles you're needed in ER_..."

Tara sighed in frustration, shoving her phone back into her lab coat. She loved her job—truly did, but _damnit_ , sometimes she just really wanted some sleep.

When Tara dragged herself to the ER, she immediately spotted Doctor Nicholas Peters, St Thomas's newest and youngest resident, waiting for her. Her brows furrowed at the sight of his bandaged nose.

"Hey, is everything alright? What happened?" Tara pointed to Dr. Peters's injury.

Dr. Peters released a deep breath, hand going to his nose that luckily wasn't broken. "Patient in exam room 27, looks like she was attacked. If her right hook was any indication." He explained, pointing to his nose. "I'm guessing my presence spooked her, and she requested you specifically."

" _Me_?" Tara questioned, a little nervous about this mystery patient.

Doctor Peters nodded, handing over the clip chart. Tara reluctantly took the chart and made her way into the room. The last person she had ever expected to find was Lena Daniels of all people sitting on the exam table.

Tara and Lena had the world's most complicated history. Of course, all of it pertaining to a certain blonde biker. When Tara left Charming ten years ago, she knew that Jax and Lena would somehow find their way to each other. But it didn't mean it wouldn't hurt like hell to know that it did. She knew that Lena had Jax in ways that she could never have.

Of course coming back to Charming, Tara hadn't expected to fall back into the same toxic routine she was in when she was 19. But here she was, standing in the presence of the woman that she and the former love of her life had betrayed.

Continuing to make her way into the exam room, Tara was mostly shocked and surprised by Lena's current state. The woman she was envious of looked beyond frightened, barely able to keep herself together. Tara noticed the abrasions and gashes that were scattered across Lena's legs, where her stockings had been ripped to shreds. She was sporting a split lip, a black and purple eye, and more lacerations across her left cheek.

"Lena?" Tara finally spoke.

Lena quickly looked up from nervously chewing on her thumbnail, at her boyfriend's ex or her ex boyfriend's current. She really didn't know what was what anymore.

Tara could see the trauma in Lena's eyes. "What happened, Lena?"

Lena released a shaky breath, trying to hold back the tears. "I need," she hesitated, trying to force herself to say it out loud. "I need you to do a rape kit on me."

Tara stood there in shock. Lena had been...raped? "Jesus," the good doctor exclaimed.

Lena then swiped harshly at the tear that managed to slip down her cheek. "Look, I don't want your pity or your _goddamn_ sympathy. I just want to get this shit done, so I can get the hell out of here."

Tara nodded, not exactly knowing what to say at this moment. "Okay. Did you need me to call someone for you? Unser, Gemma, Jax—"

Lena shook her head, immediately cutting Tara off. " _No_. No cops. And no Jax."

Tara sighed heavily. "Doing a rape kit, as a professional, morally, I have to report it."

Again Lena shook her head dismissively. "You report any of this, it gets back to Jax. And I don't need Jax or any of **SAMCRO** to know about this."

"Lena," Tara hesitated.

Lena quickly cut her off again. "I don't care what you have to do, just _keep_ this _off_ record. You _owe_ me that much."

Now Tara's brows furrowed in confusion. "What do I owe you, Lena? I get it, you're still angry about what happened between me and Jax—"

"Yeah, while I was losing my baby with Jax, he was balls deep inside of you while that creep ATF Agent Kohn laid dead right next to you." Lena spat, watching what little color on Tara's face drain.

"How...how do you know about that?" Tara stuttered nervously.

"Who _else_ , Tara?" Lena sniffled, rolling her eyes. "Jax told me everything that happened. Obviously out of guilt."

Tara then went on the defense. "So, what? I don't give into your demand of not reporting your assault, and you go to the cops about Kohn?"

Lena let out a watery chuckle. "See, that's the thing, Tara. No matter how much Jax may fuck me over for any pussy in town, _including_ yours, I will never be a rat. And throughout everything, I still love him."

Tara swallowed thickly, letting Lena's words sink in. The good doctor was now feeling guilty for what happened between her and former boyfriend that night. After Jax had come to her rescue and shot the man she'd been trying to escape dead in front of her, she was a mixture of scared and relieved. Then she and Jax ended up in a situation that was too late for them to back out of. Emotions were high, and they allowed their history to repeat itself.

Tara just didn't know where she stood with her outlaw biker ex. After that night, Jax had been pretending that it didn't happen. She assumed that they would at least try to be friends, but until a few days ago, she stopped hearing from him.

"So, what's it gonna be, Doc?" Lena asked, breaking Tara out of her thoughts.

Tara looked over at Lena's fragile state for a few moments, before finally giving in. "We need to get you cleaned up first."

* * *

Tara released a heavy sigh, removing the latex gloves from her hands and tossing them in the nearest trash can. As she grabbed the chart, she took a quick glance over at Lena, who laid silently exposed on a different examination table.

Tara had Lena moved to a much quieter room to complete the examination. During the entire process, Lena was quiet. Eerily quiet. Tara always knew the girl was kind of loud, boisterous, and somehow always in the middle of drama. But what Tara was seeing now was a completely different person.

The guilt continued to eat at her.

"You have um," Tara began, swallowing thickly, "a number of small tears. But it's nothing that won't heal on its own." The doctor then helped Lena sit up. "I'm gonna get you started on some antibiotics right away." She stated, and Lena gave her a look of concern. "It's just standard procedure. It's to treat for chlamydia and gonorrhea, even before the test results are back."

Lena hissed, as Tara went to change the butterfly bandage on the open laceration on her cheek bone.

"Your lip doesn't need stitches, and your other cuts will also heal on its own." Tara began again, taping the small piece of gauze on Lena's cheek. "Now are you sure you don't want me to call anyone to at least get you home."

Lena immediately shook her head. "No. I'm okay doing that myself."

Tara finished up her notes, writing Lena a quick prescription for her antibiotics. "Did you drive here?"

Again Lena shook her head. "I took the city bus."

Tara looked at her ex's Old Lady in surprise. " _Jesus_. How do you plan on getting home?"

Lena swallowed hard, feeling a bit annoyed by Tara's questions. "I'll figure it out. Are we done here?"

Tara released another sigh, nodding her head. "Yeah, we're done." She then handed her the prescription. "I'm gonna let you get dressed. I'll be back in a couple of minutes."

Lena nodded and watched as Tara began to head out. Once Tara shut the door closed, Lena was able to let her resolve crumble a bit. She didn't want the good doctor to see her so broken. The woman had taken enough from her already.

It was hard and painful for Lena to put her clothes back on from the paper gown Tara had given her when they switched from the ER to another room. She nearly cried out in discomfort, bending over to pick up her shredded underwear and stockings.

Lena's stomach churned, as she held a hand to her face to hold back another choked sob. She could still feel their hands on her skin.

Someone then knocked on the door, causing Lena to jump in fright.

"Hey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." Tara apologized, opening the door and walking in. "You all set?"

"Um," Lena quickly swiping a fallen tear from her cheek, stuffing the dirty reminder of this horrendous night into a plastic bag. "Yeah." She swallowed, turning to face Tara. "I'm good. Thanks, doc."

Tara nodded, folding her arms across her chest. "No problem."

Lena took that as her cue. She grabbed her things and began to limp her way out of the room. But as soon as she made it to the door, Tara stopped her.

"Hey, Lena," Tara called out, causing Lena to turn and face her again. "Look, I just got to clean up here and I'm done for the night. If you are willing stick around, I can take you home."

Lena shook her head dismissively. "That's not necessary, Tara. You've done quite a bit for me tonight. I can find my own way home."

"Really, it's no problem." Tara protested. "In fact, I insist."

Lena stood at the door for a few seconds, thinking over Tara's offer, before giving in. "Fine, you can take me home."

* * *

The ride to Lena's house was quiet and awkward. The only sounds that could be heard were coming from the Cutlass' old, growling engine and the classic rock playing on low on the radio.

Tara silently kept checking on Lena, who was sitting next to her on the passenger side . She noticed that Lena was having a tough time trying to find a comfortable way to sit, and she began to feel sorry for her. No matter what was going on between them, no one deserved this.

 _Ever_.

"It's the left by the stop sign." Lena spoke, pointing ahead of herself.

"I remember where it is." Tara countered softly.

Tara would never forget the times that many years ago when she and Jax would get into their heated arguments, only for him to storm out, and hours later, she'd find his bike parked in Lena's mom's driveway.

A few moments later, Tara was pulling the Cutlass up right behind Lena's Mustang. She quickly placed the car in park.

Lena sighed, grabbing her stuff and opening the car door. "Thanks again, Tara. For... _everything_."

All Tara could was nod. Then all of a sudden, she had no idea what came over her. It was either the guilt or the pity Lena said she didn't want, but she stopped Lena once again.

"Hey, Lena,"

Lena huffed silently, turning back to look at Tara. She just really wanted to get into her house and leave this night in the past.

Tara was quiet for a few more uncomfortable moments, before blurting out, "I'm really sorry."

Lena looked at the good doctor in confusion, furrowing her brows. "For what? What happened to me or for you and Jax?"

Tara shrugged softly. "All of it, I guess. I know you and I particularly don't get along," she said, and Lena gave a small nod of agreement, "but what happened to you tonight she never happen to anyone. As far as Jax—"

Lena quickly cut her off. "I don't _want_ to talk about Jax anymore. He and I—we're _done_. If tonight was any indication." She muttered that last part. "So, if you really want Jax back, _there's_ your in."

Now Tara's brows furrowed in confusion. "My in? What the hell does that mean?"

Lena sucked in a deep breath, pushing a few strands of her hair out of her hair face. "You said that you didn't come back to Charming for Jax, but we both know you did. It may not have been a fully conscious thing, but it was there. How easily all of it fell back into your lap and back into your bed."

Tara had nothing else to say, as she knew that Lena was right. Her initial plan to come back to Charming was the job at St Thomas and to get as far away for Kohn as possible. She told herself, before she even got here, to not allow herself to be dragged back into Jax Teller's life. But all of that changed when she saw his face. Her biker ex had made her feel things that she hadn't felt or even tried to suppress over the past 10 years.

"You still love him." Tara looked back at Lena.

Lena shrugged nonchalantly. "And I will always love him. I know that he loves me too, but a part of him still loves and cares for you."

And with that, Lena stepped out of Tara's car, leaving the good doctor to let those words sink in.

* * *

It seemed as if Jax was trying to break the world record for chain smoking over the last 20 minutes. He had still been trying to get ahold of Lena since she left him last night at Bobby's party. She wasn't answering her phone, as it was going straight to voicemail. He'd made plans to drop by her house, giving her a night of space, but those plans were thwarted when he received a call from Clay letting him know that Gemma had been nearly run off the road last night.

So, he figured he'd stop by St. Thomas, make sure everything was alright with his mother, and then he would make his way to Lena's. Flicking his finished cigarette butt to the ground, Jax made his way into the hospital, his kutte swinging with purpose with every stride.

Jax nearly stopped in his tracks when he saw Tara standing at the nurses' station, jotting down some notes. He hadn't seen his ex since the incident with Lena and her car. He had been purposely avoiding any contact with her. He wanted to feel guilty, and some part of him did, but if he wanted any chance of getting Lena back, he had to do whatever it takes. But last night may have set him back with more than he wanted.

Fucking Ima, and her persistent ass. He knew he should have pushed Ima away, but by the time he got the nerve to, the damage had already been done.

"Hey, Tara,"

Tara looked up from her paperwork, surprised to see her ex standing in front her. The conversation she had with Lena immediately came slamming back into her mind. "Jax."

"How is she?" Jax questioned about his mother.

"She's fine." Tara told him. "Just a few bruises, but she'll be okay." Things become awkwardly quiet between them, before she spoke again. "Can we talk for a second?"

Jax hesitantly nodded, but followed his doctor ex into an empty waiting room.

"Look," Tara whipped around to face him, "I know you've been avoiding this—us. I just need to know where you and I stand."

Jax sighed, running a hand across his face, really not wanting to deal with this here and now. But he was mostly at fault for the shit going on with the two women he's cared about the most. He hated that he'd have to tell Tara his true feelings, because he knew that it'd hurt her. But he still needed to tell her. He did care about Tara, and he always will. But his heart belonged to Lena.

"Tara, I care about you—I do. But," Jax began, and Tara's face began to fall. "I _love_ Lena. What happened between us that night, it was a mistake and if I could take it back, I would."

"Wow." Tara stepped back, feeling her heart fall into the pit of her stomach.

"Tara," Jax tried to comfort her, but she backed away from him.

"Jax," she kept her distance. " _Don't_ , please." She felt the tears began to well in her eyes, but tried to keep her composure. "I guess I have my answer then." She waited a beat. "I have to let Clay know about your mother."

Tara brushed past Jax and headed out of the waiting room.

Jax, feeling a little more guilty for how things went, still followed right behind his doctor ex. As the both of them walked down the halls of St. Thomas, awkwardly, Tara was stopped as she was approached by a colleague. Someone Jax hadn't recognized before.

"Dr. Peters," Tara greeted, "everything alright?"

Still wearing a bandage across the bridge of his nose, the young doctor nodded. "Yeah everything is good."

"What happened to you?" Jax stood behind Tara, as he pointed to the doctor's injury.

Doctor Peters' brows furrowed at this strange man's question. He'd quickly noticed the kutte the guy was wearing, so he knew that he was apart of that motorcycle gang this town kept raging on about.

"I'm sorry," Tara cleared her throat, "Dr. Peters, this is Jax Teller. Jax Teller this is Dr. Nicholas Peters. He's new here at St. Thomas."

The two men shook hands apprehensively, both of them immediately sizing each other up. Doctor Peters was unsure of how a beautiful and talented neonatal surgeon like Doctor Knowles was doing with a guy like Jax Teller. But he wasn't there to judge.

" _This_ ," Dr. Peters pointed to his noise, "a patient from ER last night, I caught her off guard and she hit me. Thank goodness it's not broken." He then turned to Tara. "Is Miss Daniels okay?"

Tara's gut immediately filled with dread at the mention of Lena. She knew that Jax had caught on to that mention as well, as she felt him tense behind her.

"Miss Daniels?" Jax questioned, his crystal blue eyes looking down at Tara. " _Lena_?"

Tara huffed, eyeing Doctor Peters, before turning to face her ex. She could see that he looked concern. "Jax—" she began, trying to come up with some sort of lie. She did promise Lena that she wasn't going to tell Jax about what happened to her.

"Tara, was Lena here last night?" Jax looked toward her in disbelief.

"Yes, Jax." Tara answered, feeling the guilt start to build in her gut. She was really starting to get sick of this guilt. "Lena was involved in an accident of her own."

Jax felt the anger boil in his chest. "And this whole time, you couldn't have mentioned this to me?" He pointed an accusing finger at Tara.

"Hey," Doctor Peters called out, trying to stop the biker.

"Back _off_ , doc." Jax spat toward the new doctor, he then turned back to Tara.

Tara sighed heavily. She knew Jax was pretty pissed at this moment. "Look, she didn't want anybody to know, okay. She's fine. A couple bruises—"

" _Jesus Christ_ ," Jax seethed, "what kind of accident?"

Dr. Peters could feel that Tara was feeling uncomfortable. "Dr. Knowles, do you need me to call security?"

Jax rolled his eyes, looking back at Doctor Peters. "I said _back_... _off_ or your I'll break your nose for real."

"Jax," Tara scolded, " _stop_ it. Lena is fine, alright." The doctor began to rack her brain to try to explain to Jax the situation without telling him the whole truth and breaking her promise to Lena. "Look, she was," she hesitated for a moment, "she was mugged—"

And before she could finish her statement to regret it, Jax was turning on his heel.

"Tell my mother, I'll be back." Jax firmly told his ex, as he made his hasty exit out of St. Thomas.

He quickly hopped onto his bike, revving the engine, and speeding off to Lena's house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> xxshewritesinblacknwhitexx.tumblr.com  
> shewritesinblknwhite (wattpad)


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Trigger Warnings:** _mentions of sexual assault, flashbacks, major PTSD, descriptive panic/anxiety attack, racially charged language._

## Chapter 13

Lena laid curled in the fetal position in the middle of her queen sized bed. She had been this way ever since Tara had dropped her off last night.

Well, she did finally shower, scrubbing her skin almost completely raw. But to her, no matter how much she scrubbed, she still felt dirty and unclean.

Sleep hadn’t come easy for Lena. Every time she would close her eyes, she’d always see them.

 _The masks_ …  
 _…the tattoo_ …

“ _Please, don’t do this_ …”

“… _we will find you and do this again.._.”

As quickly as she could, through the unbearable pain, Lena hopped up from her spot on the bed and bolted for her bathroom. Her knees gave way toward the toilet, and she released what little contents she had in her stomach.

Once her stomach was uncomfortably empty, she pulled herself back and sat up against the nearest wall. Her hands began to tremble, as a full sob wracked her body. She still couldn’t believe this had happened to her. She never thought anything like this would happen to her, and now she wasn’t sure how she was supposed to move on from it.

Lena had no idea how long she had been crying on the bathroom floor when she heard the sound of her doorbell. She tried to ignore it, as she didn’t have the energy to deal with anyone just yet. But whoever it was, they were being persistent.

Crying out in pain, Lena stood to her feet. She quickly wiped the tears from her cheeks, purposefully avoiding her reflection in the mirror.

“Lee?”

Lena heard the sound of her name, and she immediately recognized that it was Jax. She released a shaky breath, trying to stop herself from crying even more. He was the last person that she wanted to see.

“Lee, where are you?” Jax called out to her, as she heard his heavy foot steps beginning to tread up the stairs.

Taking in a deep breath, Lena finally limped her way out of the bathroom. The moment she stepped back into her room, she came face to face with her ex.

“Holy _shit_.” Jax muttered harshly at Lena’s appearance. A few goddamn bruises my ass.

Jax’s blue eyes gazed up and down at her exposed skin in her sleep shorts and his old, faded SAMCRO tee from his prospect days. Her golden brown skin was littered with cuts and black and blue splotches. He then looked at her face and saw that it was also black and blue and a bit swollen along with a split lip.

The outlaw biker’s gut tightened at the sight standing in front of him, and before he could think, he tried to make his way over to her.

Lena swallowed thickly underneath Jax’s gaze, feeling even more disgusting. As he went to finally approach her, she panicked and quickly stepped out of his reach.

“ _Don’t_ ,” she whispered. "Please, don’t.“

Jax felt a bit rejected, but didn’t step any further toward her. She looked like a lost and scared child and it was scaring him to the bone. He’d seen Lena in every mood, but this, this was a different level.

"What,” Lena wrapped her around herself almost in a childlike manner, “what are you doing here, Jax?”

Jax sighed. "I was at St. Thomas to see my mom—"

Lena snapped up at that. " _Gemma_? Is everything okay?“

Jax nodded. "Yeah, she’s fine. Someone tried to run her off the road last night.”

“Oh my God.” Lena whispered softly. An immediate thought entered her mind, that maybe whoever attacked her probably had something to do with Gemma’s accident. But then shook the idea out of her head. "Why aren’t you with Gemma?“

"Tara said she’s fine. Clay and the club are with her. I’m more concerned about you.”

“ _Me_? Why would you be concerned about me?” Lena began to nervously shift from foot to foot.

“Tara told me what happened last night.”

Lena’s heart dropped to the pit of her stomach, and she felt like throwing up all over again. She knew that that bitch wasn’t to be trusted with this.

“She said that you were mugged.” Jax continued, and Lena looked over at him in surprise.

“ _What_?” Lena exclaimed, but then immediately realized that Tara hadn’t told Jax what really happened. She was a bit relieved and kind of thankful right now that she was still in the clear. "Right, yeah,“ she stammered, nervously looking down at her bare feet, "yeah, I was. I was,” she hesitated for a second, feeling sick to her stomach, “mugged.”

“Why didn’t you call me, Lee?” Jax questioned, anger and hurt in voice. "I had to find out this shit through Tara.“

Lena sighed heavily, keeping her attention on her feet. She was scared to look Jax in the eye. "It’s not that big of a deal, Jax.” She sniffled, trying to hold back her tears.

“ _Not_ that big of a deal? Lee, look at you.” Jax pointed out her very obvious injuries. "Somebody _hurt_ you, and that’s not okay. Now do you remember what they looked like?“

 _The masks_ …  
… _the tattoo_ …

Lena shut her eyes closed, trying to erase those images, and shook her head fervently. "No,” she lied.

“ _Nothing_? Nothing at all?” Jax asked in disbelief. "Was it a guy? Short? Tall? White? Black? Brown?“

”… _I want you to deliver a message for me, nigger…“_

Lena could feel the tears stinging the back of her eyes, as she shook her head again.

"Come on, Lee, you gotta give me _something_ , babe.” Jax exasperated, and Lena still shook her head. "Any visible ink that could possibly tie him to another club?“

Lena swallowed thickly, continuing to hold her tears at bay. "It all just happened so fast, Jax. I don’t,” she hesitated again, “I don’t really remember.”

Jax nodded, wiping a hand across his face. He continued to watch Lena’s behavior and his felt that knot in his gut tightened just a little more. “A'ight. Pack a bag.” He demanded.

Lena, again, snapped up in Jax’s direction. " _What_? _Why_?“

"You’re coming to stay with me.” Jax exclaimed, and before Lena could protest he continued. "You can stay at the house with me and Abel or you can stay at my apartment in the clubhouse. Take your pick, babe.“

"And what if I choose neither?” Lena questioned in frustration. The last thing she needed or wanted was to be babysat.

“ _Lee_ ,” Jax huffed, knowing she was gonna give him pushback, “whoever mugged you could be looking for revenge on me and the club.”

Lena shook her head. She knew that Jax was right. What happened to her had everything to do with SAMCRO, but she wasn’t going to let him know. She knew that this would cause chaos within the club. "This was probably just a random mugging, Jax. Nothing to do with the club.“

”… _I want you to tell that race-traiting old man of yours and his little biker gang, to stop selling guns to other niggers and wetbacks_ …“

"We don’t know that, Lee. So, until we can figure this out, you’re coming with me.”

Lena sighed heavily, running hand over her curly bun. "So, what? I don’t get a choice in the matter?“

"Yeah, you can either choose to stay at the clubhouse or my house.”

Lena wasn’t going to argue this anymore. She was too physically and mentally exhausted from everything that has happened in the last 24 hours to fight anymore. She just wanted to get back in bed and never wake up again.

Lena also knew that Jax was meaning business when it came to wanting her safe with him. It was just a losing battle.

“ _Fine_ ,” she huffed, giving in. "I’m not staying at the clubhouse. Too many people.“

"Okay,” Jax nodded. "Just pack up some of your things, I gotta make a phone call. You good for now?“

Lena stood tight lipped and nodded herself. Jax watched her for a few moments, before he and his reaper disappeared from her sight.

* * *

In about 30 minutes time, Jax was helping Lena down the stairs, holding onto her duffel bag. As the two of them made it outside, a tow truck from TM pulled up to curb, as the prospect Half-Sack hopped down from the passenger side. Jax gave the driver a quick nod, and the truck pulled off, leaving just the three of them.

"You called Half-Sack?” Lena whispered in surprise at her ex.

“He’s gonna help take you to my house, while I go see my mom.”

Lena rolled her eyes in annoyance. This was exactly what she didn’t want.

“Hey, Jax.” Half-Sack approached the pair, as they stood next to Lena’s Mustang. "Lena.“ The young man nodded her way, and Lena gave him a strained smile, trying to hide her bruised and battered face from his view. He then looked back at Jax, a bit concerned. "What’s up? What do you need?”

“I need you to take Lena to my house.” Jax explained to the young prospect, tossing Lena’s duffel at him. "Make sure she gets settled in and gets what she needs.“

” _Jax_ ,“ Lena began to protest.

Jax ignored her protests and kept his attention on the prospect. "Here are her keys,” he dropped the set of keys into Sack’s open palm. "I’m counting on you to look out for her.“ He reached to pat his shoulder, before turning back to Lena. "Sack is gonna help you with whatever you need.”

Lena huffed once more. "I don’t need to be taken care of, Jax.“

Jax sighed heavily, stepping closer to Lena. He felt relief when she didn’t tense up and pull back as she had before. "Just humor me, okay.” He whispered, reaching out to cup her face in his hand.

Surprisingly, Lena melted into his touch. Jax then went to lean forward, ready to press his mouth against hers. But that was a mistake as she, again, jerked out of his reach.

“I’m sorry.” Jax immediately apologized, releasing a deep sigh.

Lena shook her head. "It’s okay,“ she’d reached up to hesitantly place her hands against his that were still holding her face. "I’m still a bit jumpy.”

Again, Jax’s stomached clenched. He then settled for placing a gentle kiss to her forehead, which Lena allowed him to do.

After a few seconds, Jax finally pulled away from Lena. "I’ll be at the house in a little bit to check on you, okay?“ Lena nodded, and Jax turned back to Half-Sack pointing in his direction. "Take care of her.”

“Got it.” The prospect acknowledged eagerly.

Half-Sack and Lena hopped into her Mustang, with Lena sitting shotgun. Jax quickly hopped onto his bike. Jax was the first to pull out of the drive way, as his bike had been blocking Lena’s car in. Sack then started the engine and followed suit.

Driving up to the first red light, Jax pulled his bike right next to the passenger side of Lena’s car. Lena looked out the window, just as Jax gave her a warm smile and made his right hand turn back to St. Thomas. As the light turned green, Half-Sack pushed forward, heading straight for Jax’s house.

* * *

Jax’s day just kept getting worse. After making sure that Lena was safely at his house, he went back to try to see his mom at St. Thomas, only to find out she had already been released. Clay then tried to accuse him of sabotaging Opie’s Mayan kill, and Jax simply told him it was to protect the club.

Then he found out that Luann’s porn studio had been raided by the feds, and now Otto was looking to SAMCRO for help. Jax was able to find a solution for that problem, after giving that dick-bag who had been threatening stealing Luann’s girls, Georgie Caruso, a couple visits. The second visit was to let Georgie and his crew know that SAMCRO wasn’t something to mess with, since the first visit resulted in the busting of one of Luann’s girls, Lyla’s, nose.

And finally, to place the cherry on top of a fucking fantastic sundae, during a meet with the Niners, the Mayan’s pulled up on a drive-by in retaliation for their fallen friend. Bobby had been shot in the process.

Now Jax had to call on the last person that he wanted, needing their help.

Jax stepped into the clubhouse, only to find that his doctor ex-girlfriend was already there, working on Bobby’s injury. He was surprised to see that his mother was there, watching everything that was going on.

Jax quickly stopped passed Bobby, who was holding a bloody rag to his shoulder where a bullet had pierced its way through. "You okay, bro?“

The older guy nodded his head, sipping on a bottle of expensive liquor to keep his mind off the pain. "I’m in good hands.” He grunted, referring to Tara, who was going through her medical supply bag.

Jax and Tara made quick eye contact, and he gave her a warm smile. "Thanks for coming.“

"It’s no problem.” Tara snipped, turning her attention back to Bobby.

“They took two cases of the AKs.” Tig, who was standing next to Gemma, explained.

Jax released a heavy sigh, not wanting to deal with this shit at this moment, before turning to look at his mother. He could see the injury to her face and neck from where she had braced for the impact in her accident. _What was with the women in his life being hurt like this_?

“Oh _man_ ,” Jax commented, placing a hand on Gemma’s shoulder.

“I’m okay, sweetheart.” Gemma quickly reassured him, pulling him into a hug. "I heard what happened with Lena, she okay?“

"She’s real shaken up, but hopefully she’ll be okay. She’ll be staying with me for awhile.” Jax told his mother.

They both hadn’t noticed that Tara was also eavesdropping on their conversation.

“That’s good.” Gemma nodded, crossing her arms across her chest. "It’s the best thing for her right now. She say anything about what happened?“

Jax shook his head fervently. "No, she doesn’t remember much. She said the whole thing was a blur.”

“You thinkin’ it’s club related?”

Jax shrugged, shoving his hands into his jean pockets. "I’m not sure. That’s why I asked her to stay the house.“

"I’ll go talk to her in the morning.”

“Ma,” Jax exasperated, seeing the wheels turning in his mother’s head. He knew exactly what she was thinking. " _Please_ do not go and antagonize Lena, a'ight. It’s been a pretty shitty 24 hours. Just leave her alone and her rest.“

” _Fine_.“ Gemma huffed, now placing her hands on her hips. "But it’s no coincidence that me being ran off the road and Lena’s mugging happening on the same night.”

And before Jax could respond, he heard his name being called. He looked up and saw that it was his stepfather who’d called him.

“In here.” The club President stated firmly, as he stood at the door of their church.

Jax knew that Clay was about to give him more shit for this Mayan blowback bullshit. But he definitely wasn’t going to allow Clay to pin this solely on him.

“I’ll talk to you later.” Jax gave his mother a quick kiss on the cheek, before heading toward the church doors.

As Jax closed the door, he walked up to Clay who was sitting on the top of their table with the reaper proudly carved into it.

“That judgement call you made today,” Clay began, “for the good of the club? That shit came back to bite us in the ass, and it almost killed Bobby.”

“I see that.” Jax stated calmly.

“Whatever you think the truth is,” Clay spat bitterly, “everything I do is to protect what we got. It’s never arbitrary. And it’s never reactive.” He gruffed. "I’ve been doing this for 30 _goddamn_ years. I know a few things.“

Jax waited a beat to let Clay think what he was spewing was the truth, but Jax knew better. And he knew what he did was right. "Taking that tag off the Mayan was the right thing to do, Clay. You and I both know that.”

“You want to challenge me?” Clay questioned rhetorically. He had no idea what was going on with his stepson, but he’d be damned if he let this shit affect his club. "Fine. I don’t give a _shit_.“ He quickly stood up to get in Jax’s face. "But the minute it stops becoming about this and starts to get personal, they’ll know that. They’ll lose respect for you and they won’t even trust you anymore. And then you’ll be handling everything on your own. Think about that… _son_.” Clay finished, brushing past Jax and out of the doors.

Jax was left alone to let Clay’s words sink in.

* * *

When Jax finally arrived home, it was almost 2 o'clock in the morning. He quickly thanked Neeta for staying longer than she was originally supposed to and helped her to her car. Setting his keys down into the decorative bowl on the table in the foyer, he then removed his kutte to hang it on the coat rack.

The first place Jax headed was Abel’s nursery to check on his son. He was surprised to find Lena still up and sitting in the rocking chair next to his Abel’s crib. He noticed that not much had changed from her appearance from earlier, as was dressed now in a pair of his sweats and another one of his SAMCRO tees. Her curly hair was still a bit damp as it hung a few inches past her shoulders, which meant she had recently taken a shower.

Lena hadn’t noticed Jax’s presence, as he watched her quietly watching his sleeping son. It warmed his heart just watching her watch him. She was going to be a great mother to his son, and he was hoping that they could finally start to put all this shit behind them and move forward. Together.

Jax moved from his spot at the door, making his way into the room, causing Lena to jump in fright at his presence.

“It’s me,” Jax held his hands up at her panicked state.

Lena felt her heart fall into the pit of her stomach, at the shadow that she saw quickly moving toward her. When she noticed that it was Jax, as he finally made himself known, her heart started to calm.

“Jax,” she placed a hand on her racing heart, “you scared the shit out of me.”

“I’m sorry, darlin’,” he squatted down, “what are you still doing up?”

Lena began to fidget in the rocking chair. "I, uh, I couldn’t sleep.“

Jax got a bit concerned that Lena still seemed a bit panicky. "I’m sorry that I’m just now getting here. Shit got crazy with the club and Luann’s studio.”

“What, uh, happened with Luann’s studio?” Lena questioned, avoiding Jax’s gaze.

“Feds raided it, took everything she had. Then this asshole producer started threatening to take her talent. So, the guys and I went to pay him a visit to show him who’s boss.” He casually joked, and he watched her demeanor calm a bit.

Lena cracked a small smile. The first smile all day. "I’m sure you guys had him shaking in his pants.“ She giggled softly. "What’s going to happen with the studio?”

“We’re letting her use our new warehouse,” Jax explained, “we’re going to split the profits 50-50.”

“So, SAMCRO is now in the porn business?” Lena questioned, and she hated to admit that jealousy swirled in the pit of her stomach at the thought of those scantily clad women being around Jax. But she then realized that she and Jax are not together, and he was able to do what and who he pleased.

Jax immediately sensed Lena’s uncomfortableness. "We’re just the muscle, babe.“ He reassured her, placing a hand on her knee.

Lena looked down at the gesture, her breath catching in her throat. She hated the fact that even Jax’s touch, a simple touch—a touch she’s craved to no end, made her feel absolutely disgusting. She was fighting the urge to shrug it off.

Jax quickly noticed that Lena’s demeanor changed again. She had a look in her eyes that he’d never seen before. And honestly it was starting to worry him even more.

"Hey,” he called to get her attention, “you okay?”

Lena swallowed thickly, sobering herself up. She then quickly stood to her feet, knocking Jax’s hand off her knee. "I’m gonna head to bed.“ She started for the door.

Jax tried to stop her, but Lena blocked it. "Jax, _please_ ,” she pleaded, on the verge of tears.

Jax took a step back, letting her leave from his sight. That clenching in his gut he was getting tighter by the second.

* * *

Back in the fetal position, in the pitch black dark guest bedroom of Jax’s house, Lena was failing to fall asleep. She had been staring at the same spot on the wall for the last hour. She tried to sleep —she really did. But every time she closed her eyes, she saw them.

… _the masks_ …

She could still hear his voice. Her skin prickled from the thought of his touch. All of their touches

Lena could feel the bile rising in the back of her throat. But she quelled the urge to vomit this time. This time, she climbed out of the bed. She immediately noticed that the time on the old school alarm clock was now reading _4:26_ **AM**.

The moment her bare feet touched the cold floor, Lena stood. The pain just a little bit more bearable now than it was this morning, thanks to the pain medicine Tara had prescribed her. But every time she took a step, there was still a small twinge. Making her way to the bedroom door, she turned the latch and opened it wide.

Lena quietly made her way down the dark hallway, avoiding the creaky floor boards in the process. She quickly peeked her head into Abel’s nursery, finding the infant still soundly asleep.

Swallowing the lump in the back of her throat, Lena stood outside of Jax’s bedroom —a room she was all too familiar with. A room she spent many nights in. A room she once called her own.

Raising a fist, she was prepared to give the door a knock. But she quickly stopped herself. Her breath started to become short, as if she were slowly being smothered by a pillow, and her heart began to pound angrily in her chest. The ringing in her ears didn’t help her trembling fingers, as they tried to find any kind of purchase against the wall. It was all starting to become too much for her to take. Then her world shifted off its axis, and her body was sliding its way down to the floor.

Pulling her knees to her chest, Lena held back a full body sob, as she began to rock back and forth.

The panic continued to rise in Lena, and she hadn’t noticed that Jax was now standing before her until he quickly gathered her into his arms.

The moment Lena felt the warmth of Jax’s bare chest against her cheek, she finally gave in and released that sob she had been holding back.

Jax wanted to ask questions, but he chose not to. He just knew that Lena needed him, and he held her close to him.

Lena continued to break down in Jax’s arms, as she clutched onto him tight. She knew that somewhere, she still felt safe in his arms.

“Can I stay with you tonight?” Lena asked, her body still shaking. She didn’t want to go back to that room alone.

“Of course.” Jax told her, planting a kiss to her forehead.

After a few more moments, Lena’s breathing had started to return to normal, and her tears began to dry. Then the two of them cautiously climbed into his bed, Jax careful not to trigger Lena. He laid back, opening his arm for her to join him.

Lena looked down at the gesture, hesitantly, for a few seconds, before finally laying her head on his chest. Jax immediately wrapped his arm around her, pulling her as close as she would allow. Planting another kiss to her forehead, the two of them just lay in silence with only the sound of their breathing.

With the soothing sounds of Jax’s beating heart, Lena was starting to feel safe again.

Even if it was only for tonight.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> QUICK AUTHOR'S NOTE: I am by no means a medical doctor. I researched and found that HIV antibodies could be found in urine, but the actual virus in blood. I chose the urine route only because I simply needed an excuse for Tara to see Lena at Jax's house the same way she visited TM for Gemma in the show. Also I'm trying to be a sensitive as possible about Lena's assault. I'm not going to quickly brush it over. Lena is still going to be dealing with the trauma from that. Fortunately, I've never been in that situation before. So, I had to my research on that topic. I read a lot information and shared stories, and I've found out that not all cases are the same. So, it may seem like Lena is moving on too quickly, but you will still her struggle with it for quite awhile. I promise I won't beat you over the head with it too much. If you guys have any questions, please send me a PM or leave a comment below. Thank you guys so much for the love you've given me. I really do appreciate it.  
> <3

**TRIGGER WARNING:** _major_ ptsd, continued mention of sexual _assault_ , name calling, smut

_2 Months Later_

It had been a little over two months since Lena’s traumatic assault and since Jax convinced her to stay with him and Abel at his house. Lena only wanted it to be a temporary thing, but it was looking as if the situation was going to be a little more permanent. She was still afraid to stay at her own house alone.

It had also been two months since that night Lena found herself having a full blown panic attack right outside of Jax’s bedroom. She was actually surprised that she was comfortable enough to be in his bed. That night was the first night of several. She didn’t spend every night in his room, but the times where her nightmares nearly consumed all of her, she found herself crawling her way into his bed. Even the nights he wasn’t there, which were the scariest, she would just curl herself next to his pillow. Just his scent alone was comforting.

Lena was also a bit surprised by how Jax was being toward the whole thing. He was being so understanding. Even in the moments where she rejected his touch, he was still compassionate. He had still been trying to get her to remember anything that happened that night, but she continued to tell him that much of the incident was one big blur.

Lena still didn’t want Jax to know what really happened to her. She felt as if she wouldn’t be able to face him, knowing what they’d done to her —knowing that it was a direct attack on the club. She knows that he’d blame himself and would never look at her the same.

Lena hadn’t left the house in those two months as well. She spent most of her days sheltered inside, helping Neeta take care of Abel and keeping the house in order. Like this morning, she was busying herself with throwing a second load of laundry into the wash, while Neeta was giving Abel his morning bottle. Jax had left a little over an hour ago to take care of some business.

As she was setting the full load to the beginning cycle, the sound of the doorbell echoed through the single family home. Lena was in no rush to answer the door, but whoever it was they seemed to not be going anywhere anytime soon. Since Neeta was tending to Abel, Lena had no choice but to answer.

Setting the empty laundry basket on the kitchen table, Lena made her way to the front door. She hesitated a moment, taking in a deep, relaxing breath, before unlocking the door and slowly pulling it open.

Lena’s eyes widened in bewilderment at the person standing in front of her. She then opened the door a little wider, swallowing thickly.

Doctor Tara Knowles, dressed in her blue hospital scrubs, lingered awkwardly on the front porch of Jax’s home.

“Jax isn’t here.” Was the first thing that fell from Lena’s mouth, as she folded her arms across her chest.

Tara nodded, fixing the strap of her purse on her shoulder. "I know. I’m actually here for you.“

Now Lena was surprised and confused. ” _Me_? How did you even know that I was here?“

Tara let out a deep breath. "I overheard Jax and Gemma talking at the clubhouse a couple months back.”

Lena’s heart fell into the pit of her stomach. _Why would Tara even be at the clubhouse_? "You were at the clubhouse?“

"Yeah,” the doctor began, “I was just there to patch up Bobby. Jax asked me to help out.”

 _Of course he did_. "Right. Well, doc, what do I owe this visit?“

Tara then reached inside her purse and pulled out a specimen cup inside a ziplock. Again, Lena was confused as she furrowed her brows.

"You thirsty?” Lena spat in a snarky tone.

“Actually,” Tara huffed, handing the cup to Lena, “this is for your HIV test. You’re overdue.”

Lena released a heavy sigh. She really wasn’t expecting any of this. Quickly, she snatched the cup from Tara’s grip and then stepped back inside the house. She nodded for Tara to follow her, closing the door behind her, and made her way down the hall.

“Just wait for me in there.” Lena pointed to the spare room she had been occupying for the time being.

Tara nodded and headed inside the room. As Lena walked past Abel’s room, she quickly peeked her head inside. Neeta was situated on the rocking chair, rocking the young infant in her arms. The woman’s dark eyes looked up at Lena, giving her a warm smile and signaled her to be quiet. Lena also gave a nod and continued to the bathroom.

Once Lena finished her business, she walked back to the guest room, where Tara was patiently waiting for her on the bed.

“All done.” Lena said, handing the cup, filled with her donation, back over to the good doctor.

Tara took the cup and shoved it back into her purse. Things become awkwardly silent for a few moments. Tara continued to sit quietly on the bed, while Lena leaned against the dresser.

“I guess I should probably take off.” Tara was the first to speak, standing to her feet.

“Uh, wait a minute,” Lena quickly stopped her, “can I ask you something?”

Tara was going to tell Lena that she needed to get back to the hospital. She felt the longer she stayed in this house, the more upset she was going to be. But the look on Lena’s face, kept her in her place.

“Sure.” Tara folded her arms across her chest, swinging her head slightly to get her stubborn bangs out of her face.

Lena hesitated again, before releasing a deep breath. "How long do you think this feeling is going to last? This uncomfortableness? This fear that’s always stirring in my gut?“

Tara thought about Lena’s questions, shrugging her shoulders. "Honestly, that’s up to you.”

“I haven’t had sex since it happened.” Lena admitted, shamefully looking down at her feet.

Tara swallowed thickly, at Lena’s bluntness. She really didn’t want to think about Jax and Lena having sex. "I mean, that’s understandable. Your body is still healing.“

Lena gave a small chuckle. Her body was healing just fine. Her physical pain was nonexistent. Her scars were finally starting to fade. The skin around her left eye was back to its normal shade.

It wasn’t her body that needed healing.

"Pussy’s not the problem, doc,” Lena spat, “it’s my goddamn head. I’m still so jumpy. I haven’t been outside in weeks. I feel like if I leave I’d be looking over my shoulder every five fucking seconds. The only people I really feel somewhat comfortable around is Neeta and Jax. And even then, his touch sets me on edge.”

Tara’s gut clenched. That was something else she didn’t want to hear. "Yeah, I’m sure.“ Now it was her turn to look down at her shuffling feet. "So, are you two…” she trailed, not really wanting the answer to that.

“Are you asking if Jax and I are back together?” Lena questioned. "Even after my _if you want Jax, there’s your in_ speech?“ She gave another small chuckle. "I’m not gonna lie, Jax has been really great with me, even with not knowing what really happened to me that night. I don’t know where we are, and my fucked up head won’t even allow me to go there.”

Tara sighed heavily. "You realize you have to tell him sooner or later, Lena.“

Lena nodded, not wanting to think about it. "I know. I just… _can’t_.” She was quiet for a moment, before looking back at Tara. "Thank you again.“

"For?”

“For,” Lena waited a beat, “ _this_. Keeping my secret, the testing, everything. I know we have our issues, and we’ll never be friends, but I am grateful for all you’ve done for me.”

Tara stood there for a moment, before giving another nod. "Listen, I have to get this sample back to the lab. If you have any questions, you can come and see me at St. Thomas or,“ she reached back into her purse grabbing a pen and some scrap paper, quickly scribbling something down, "you can call me.” She handed the paper to Lena.

Lena took the number reluctantly, looking down at it, as it felt like it was burning a hole through hand. "Thanks, doc. Let me walk you out.“

Lena shut the door, just as Tara stepped outside. The moment she turned back to the kitchen to finish her task of laundry, she nearly hit the door in fright as Neeta was now standing behind her.

” _Shit_ , Neeta, Lena placed a racing hand over her heart, “you scared me.”

“I’m so sorry, sweetie.” Abel’s caregiver said in concern. "Are you alright?“

Lena nodded. "Yeah I’m fine. How’s Abel?”

“He’s asleep now.”

“Good.” Lena tried to force a smile, before heading into the kitchen to grab the forgotten laundry basket.

“Honey, are you sure you’re alright?” Neeta questioned hot on Lena’s trail.

“Of course, Neeta.” With basket in hand, Lena then quickly made her way into the laundry room and started filling it with clothes from the dryer. "Why wouldn’t I be?“ She emerged from the laundry and back into the kitchen.

Neeta watched Lena carefully, as the young woman started to nervously fold the clothes in the basket. She knew something was up with her, because she was pretending to be okay when she wasn’t. She’d noticed for nearly the past couple of months that something wasn’t right.

Lena stopped folding a pair of Jax’s boxers when she realized that she was being watched. Her suspicions were proven to be correct when she looked over at Neeta staring at her.

"What?”

Neeta sighed heavily, folding her arms across her chest. "Who was at the door?“

Lena shrugged and continued to fold laundry. "It was Tara Knowles. She was looking for Jax. Like she always is.” She finished the lie with a roll of her eyes.

Of course Neeta didn’t believe her. As she was laying Abel down for his nap, she had slightly overheard the conversation that Lena and this Tara Knowles were having. She only caught parts of the conversation as she didn’t want to eavesdrop, but from what she heard it didn’t sound too good.

Neeta sensed that something terrible happened to this girl. The bruises on her face that were nearly healed. Her jumpy behavior. The fact that she hadn’t seen the girl leave the house once in almost two months. Yeah, there was definitely something deeper going on. Neeta tended to mind her own business, but Lena was screaming for help. So, she was going to offer the young woman that help the only way she knew how.

Neeta then reached over, placing a comforting hand on top of Lena’s. "Now you know I ain’t a stupid sista, Lena, but what I do know is that you’re struggling with something. I don’t exactly know what it is, but it’s something weighing heavy on you and on your heart.“

Lena looked down at Neeta’s hand, before looking at the older woman. She didn’t say a word, but from the look in Neeta’s eyes told her everything.

"How about we say a little prayer?” Neeta suggested sweetly.

Lena immediately shook her head, slipping her hand from underneath Neeta’s, going back to her task of folding laundry. That was the last thing she wanted to do. "No, prayer’s not really my thing. Or religion of any kind, actually.“

"I promise you, it is,” Neeta told her, “I see it every single time I watch you with Abel. That little boy brings you peace, and you thank God everyday for him.”

Lena stopped what she was doing, again, looking down at the basket. She felt the tears began to threaten to spill down her cheeks. She then turned to look into Neeta’s humble eyes once more. And that was all she needed.

Lena nodded, giving in. One little prayer couldn’t hurt.

* * *

Just as Lena was finishing up the rest of her chores, her phone began to buzz from its spot on the night stand. It was a brand new phone which Jax had purchased for her when she confessed to him that her old phone had been damaged in the “mugging”.

Speaking of Jax, when Lena went to check to see who was calling, she saw his name flash before her. Grateful to not have one of those tacky burners Jax always carried, she slid her finger across the screen.

“Hey,” she quickly answered.

“ _Hey, beautiful, how’re you feeling_?”

Lena sighed, sitting down on the bed. "I’m okay.“

” _I’m sorry I had to dip out earlier this morning; had some club shit to take care of_.“

"I figured as much.”

“ _How’s the kid_?”

Lena smiled softly at the mention of Abel. Neeta was right. That little boy brought her some semblance of peace. "He’s doing great. Neeta’s with him now.“

” _That’s good_.“ She heard him say, before he released a deep breath. ” _So, I was actually kinda wondering if you wanted to maybe have lunch with me today_?“

Lena’s breath caught in her throat. She wasn’t expecting that and didn’t really know how to answer Jax. Going to lunch with him meant leaving her one place of comfort.

” _Look_ ,“ Jax began, again, when the silence started to worry him, ” _you’ve been in the house for the past few weeks, I was just thinking that maybe it’s time for you to maybe get some fresh air. I mean, if you want to. I don’t want to force it on you_.“

Lena swallowed the lump at the back of her throat. Jax was right. She had been cooped up in the house for too long, and she needed that fresh air. But she wasn’t so sure she was really ready for it.

Again, this was the trouble Lena was having with her head. She needed to find a way to start moving past all of this shit and start getting her life back. Whatever it took.

"Yeah, Jax,” Lena agreed, “I think that’d be great.”

If her head was the problem, then maybe it was time she got it straight.

* * *

When Jax said he wanted to do lunch, Lena didn’t think he’d take her out past the reservations of Wahewa. But here they were, sitting underneath a blossoming redwood with a picnic that Jax had arranged for the both of them.

Lena was still nervous to leave the house, but the moment she climbed onto the back of Jax’s bike, wrapping her arms securely around his waist, she felt herself beginning to relax. She always loved the feeling of being on his bike, and this time was no different. In fact, just feeling the breeze and watching the scenery pass her by breathed a sense of calmness in her negative thoughts.

“How’s your sandwich?”

Lena quickly popped her head up at her ex, who was taking a casual sip of his water bottle. She was surprised to see that his infamous kutte was nowhere to be seen.

She nodded, taking another small bite of her turkey club that was just right, all the way down the extra tomatoes. "It’s good. This is all really nice, Jax.“

"Good, I’m glad you like it.” He spoke, and his steel blue eyes sparkled. "I kinda got the feeling you finally needed some time on the outside, instead of being cooped up in the house with Abel all day.“

Lena playfully sneered at his cheekiness. "I actually like being cooped up with Abel. He’s the best part about being in that house anyway.” She teased.

“ _Wow_ ,” Jax leaned his head back in a mock shock, “so that’s how it’s going to be, babe? I see how it is. Upstaged by my own kid.”

“Sorry.” Lena shrugged and giggled softly. When she noticed that Jax was staring back at her, she felt her cheeks burn. "What?“

"Nothing.” Jax shook his head, with a smirk on his face. "It’s just nice to see you smile again. I’ve missed it.“

The flush across Lena’s cheeks got a bit warmer, as she ducked her head in embarrassment. "You know, I’ve missed it too.” She sighed heavily, reaching over for her own water bottle. "Everything go okay with the club stuff?“

Jax nodded. "Yeah, Clay is still chewing me out for screwing up that Mayan hit and almost getting Bobby killed. And now he’s being pissy about _CaraCara_.”

Lena couldn’t blame Clay for that. Jax being involved with the porn business still wasn’t sitting right with. She wasn’t going to let him know that though. "But you were protecting the club.“ She spat. "And with _CaraCara_ , you’re just helping out a brother’s wife.”

“Yeah,” he huffed, throwing a piece of grass, he’d pulled up from the ground, past his feet, “well Clay doesn’t seem to think so. He don’t understand that _CaraCara_ is a legitimate business to help us get out of running guns.”

Even before everything that had been happening, Lena knew there was growing tension between her VP ex and his club’s President since Donna’s funeral. "What’s going on between you and Clay?“

Jax shrugged, not wanting to involve Lena any further into the mess that was now his and his stepfather’s relationship. He had told her enough already. He was trying hard to be fully disclosed with her, but certain things need to not be said but taken care of.

"It ain’t nothing I can’t handle, darlin’.” He gave her another small, reassuring smile, before becoming serious. "So, everything going alright with you?“

Lena hesitated for a moment. She didn’t really know how to answer that question either. "I’m good.”

Jax knew by the tone of her voice that Lena was anything but. "Me waking up to you crawling in my bed in the middle of the night after having another nightmare, doesn’t scream you’re _good_ to me, Lee.“

She didn’t know why, but Lena felt offended by Jax’s words. If he had a problem with it, he should have said something. "Well, I’m very sorry for disturbing your beauty sleep, _Jackson_ ,” she bit, “I promise I won’t be doing that shit anymore from now on.”

Jax released a shuddering breath, knowing that this was going to happen. Every time he brought it up, she found a way to shut down on him. "Lee, that’s not what I meant, and you know it. I’m saying, just _talk_ to me. I know what you went through ain’t been easy, babe.“

Lena felt herself calming down a bit. She knew he didn’t mean it that way, but some days she couldn’t control herself from becoming agitated at world right now. Again, Jax was being understanding, but if only he knew that what she was going through was a lot deeper than that.

Of course, Lena wasn’t going to say to a word about it. "It was just a random mugging, Jax.” She tried to shrug nonchalantly. "It could have happened to anybody. There’s really nothing to talk about.“ She said, and he looked at her as if he didn’t believe her. "I’m serious. The nightmares are what they are, _nightmares_. They’ll go away eventually.”

Jax still didn’t believe her, but he decided to drop it. He was hoping one day, she’d talk to him about what those nightmares were about. He hated seeing her this way.

Lena watched the wheels turn in Jax’s head. She knew that he didn’t believe her and the guilt and shame began to eat away at her. But she still couldn’t bring herself to tell the truth. The fear of him looking at her differently and like she was a broken doll, along with the deadly chaos it’d bring, was far worse than the guilt she was feeling for lying about it.

Lena hesitated for a moment, nervously swallowing the lump in the back of her throat, as she contemplated her next move. Plucking up the courage, she then slowly slid her way closer toward Jax, their legs now entangled with one another.

Jax looked at her in mostly concern and confusion when her trembling fingers grabbed his hand, slowly pulling it toward her. She then raised his hand and placed an apprehensive, yet soothing kiss on the back of it.

Lena looked up and noticed the surprised look on Jax’s face at the gesture she just made. Despite sharing his bed with her in a non sexual way every other night over the past few weeks, she’d been hesitant by his touches, which she knew concerned him even more. She just made a bold first move, and now she was ready to test her limits a bit further.

Lena gave Jax a reassuring smile, before leaning forward. She closed her eyes slightly, trying to fight off the screams and panic in her head. She couldn’t let her head win anymore. She had to find a way to push through it.

It felt like an eternity before her lips finally pressed against his unsuspecting ones. It was something that she had done so many times in the past that she’d lost count. Lena loved kissing Jax. He was amazing at it. It was such an intimate act they always shared with one another. Now the thought of kissing someone, including him, filled her head with even more guilt and shame.

The kiss wasn’t very long, and Lena was the first to pull away. She noticed that he looked at her with more concern and a small sliver of hope. She watched in trepidation, as he then reached up to push a fallen tendril from her curly bun back from her face. But he quickly stopped himself short, and she knew that he was probably worried that she’d reject him again.

Swallowing her fear down, Lena nodded, letting Jax in. She then felt his calloused thumb gently caress her cheek bone, before he cupped her face into his hands. She looked up at him, feeling her heart race in anticipation.

Lena allowed Jax to press his mouth against hers in another soft kiss. A kiss that was somehow starting to put her at ease. The kiss was slow and sweet. Gentle and soft. Full of emotion. She then felt as he silently asked for permission to deepen the kiss. Again, she granted it.

Lena had missed this so much, and she was finally at more ease than she had been in awhile.

As Jax’s tongue gently caressed Lena’s she felt him take a chance, as his hands slowly began to move their descent down her neck. But when the coolness of his rings touched her skin, it instantly reminded her of the cold, wet pavement she was forced down on that horrific night. That immediately caused her to sober up from this moment and to hastily pull away from him.

And before either of them could say anything, the sound of Jax’s ringing burner caught their attention.

Lena looked down at the black phone buzzing on the stark white picnic sheet, before grabbing it and handing it to Jax. "Porn hotline.“ She told him.

"Shit.” Jax sighed heavily, giving Lena an apologetic look, before taking the phone out of her hands. "Yeah,“ he answered, flipping the phone open. As he listened to an annoyed Chibs on the other line, telling him to come to studio, he kept his eye on Lena, who was now leaning against the tree and avoiding looking his way. But he was quickly distracted when Chibs told him that Clay hired Bobby to do Luann’s books at the studio, and the former porn star was having a meltdown. "He did what…who told him to do that?” This time he released an annoyed sigh. "Jesus Christ. I’m on my way.“

By the sound of things, Lena knew this outing was done. But she wasn’t so sure she was ready to go back yet. Despite the setback she just experienced.

Jax shut his phone with an irritated groan.

"I’m guessing something came up that needs your attention?” Lena stated.

Jax nodded, feeling guilty. "Clay hired Bobby to do Luann’s books, behind my back, and now Luann is having a goddamn meltdown. I should probably take you back home. I’m sorry.“

"Actually,” Lena began again, “I don’t mind going with you if you want.”

* * *

Jax pulled his bike up the porn studio. He turned off the engine and hopped off.

“I’ll just be a minute.” Jax told Lena, as he fixed the hat on his head. "I promise.“ He then leaned forward, as she allowed him to place a gentle kiss on her cheek.

As Lena watched Jax’s reaper disappear from her sight, she let out the breath she was holding in. She cursed herself internally at what transpired just an hour ago. She had finally begun to claim victory over her life when her head yanked her back 100 feet.

She was fucking sick of it.

As Lena wallowed in self pity, a white car pulled up behind her. Her brain immediately jumped to panic mode, only to change when she noticed the annoying sounds of clicking high heels, accompanied by a pair of short jeans shorts, followed by that bad dye job.

"Shouldn’t you be polishing that bike, sweetie?” Ima _fucking_ Tite taunted, as she walked past Lena. "Jax likes it nice and shiny.“

Lena glared, but said nothing to the bitch as she also watched her disappear into the studio. She wasn’t going to let that little girl get to her. She already had enough shit to deal with instead of having to deal with a bony, flat assed, porn slut.

It didn’t take long before Lena spotted a black Escalade pulled up, followed by Clay and then Tig riding up on their bikes.

Lena was surprised to see Gemma hopping out of the truck, hastily making her way toward the studio. Lena now figured that whatever was going on seemed to be a lot bigger than just Clay hiring Bobby to work at _CaraCara_.

Lena watched as Clay angrily hopped off his bike, ripping off his helmet. "What the hell are you doing here?”

Lena hadn’t realize that Tig was up and off his bike until he plopped down next to her on Jax’s bike. She immediately tried to ignore the tense feeling that just ran through her spine.

Lena was starting to hate herself even more.

Gemma quickly turned around, facing her husband, looking at him in confusion. "Luann called, she’s freaking out.“

"This is club _business_ , Gemma.” Clay spat bitterly. "You got no reason to intervene.“

SAMCRO’s matriarch looked even more confused. "What intervene? She’s my friend, and she needs to talk.”

“Oh,” SAMCRO President scoffed in irritation, “so when she wants to talk, you what, drop everything?”

“Jesus Christ,” Gemma hissed, annoyed, “what are you? _Three_?”

“Get back to the _goddamn_ garage, Gemma.” Clay barked, anger building inside him.

Lena thought about going to get Jax, but watching Gemma and Clay was like rubbernecking at a car wreck. It was getting hard to turn away from.

“ _Excuse_ me?” Gemma seethed at Clay’s demand.

Clay then stalked his way toward Gemma. "The last thing I need right now is for you running diva over a _fucking_ cum factory.“

"You’re such an _asshole_.” Gemma spat in agitation, before turning to walkaway.

What happened next caused the panic to flare up in Lena’s system. She watched as the President of SAMCRO, picked up a cinderblock and casually tossed it, smashing through the window of the driver’s seat of Gemma’s truck.

That stopped Gemma in her tracks. "You stupid piece of _shit_.“ She angrily charged toward her husband. "Are you out of your _fucking_ mind?!”

In all the years that Gemma and Clay had been together, Lena had never witnessed something like this. Of course over the years, they had their spats and arguments like any normal couple. But this? Something else was definitely going on here.

Just as Gemma went to kick Clay’s bike, Tig leaned over and whispered in Lena’s ear, “I think it’s time you go get Jax now, sweetheart.”

Again, Lena tensed and quickly jumped back at Tig’s closeness. When she turned to Clay’s Sergeant at Arms, he gave her a puzzled but apologetic look.

Lena just shook it off and made her way into _CaraCara_. She ignored the barely dressed women walking around, as she went in search for Jax. She immediately found him cuddled up next to Ima on a couch.

Jax the noticed Lena’s presence, as she made her way toward him. He could see the look on her face was none to happy. He stood up to meet her half way, when Ima decided to step in front of him.

“He’s _occupied_ , honey.” Ima snipped in a snotty tone, shoving a finger in Lena’s face. "You should wait outside like you were told.“

Lena couldn’t believe the words that came out of this tramp’s mouth. She pursed her lips together, anger beginning to radiate off of her. She was ten seconds away from ripping the blonde hair out of this girl’s head. She was not the one. _Not_ today.

"Okay, okay,” Jax immediately sensed Lena’s growing agitation, as he instantly stepped in front of Ima and pulled Lena away from the ass whooping that the bitch was about to get. "I’m sorry. She’s a little out of her mind right now.“

Lena swallowed, as she looked over at Ima glaring her while twirling those cheap ass extensions between her fingers. "Yeah, well, she’s not the only one.”

Jax’s brows knit in confusion. "What’s going on?“

"Your mom and Clay.” Lena said, and Jax still didn’t understand. "You need to come outside and see.“

Jax followed behind Lena out of the door, just to find Gemma yelling at Clay, who was now beating on the hood of Gemma’s car.

"Just _exactly_ what those arthritic mitts need. A good _fucking_ pounding.” Gemma screeched in anger.

“You wanna see a good pounding?” Clay threatened.

“Oh yeah?” Gemma challenged. "Well, come on badass. I _dare_ you to lay your fucking hands on me. I was slit your _goddamn_ throat.“ She spat in his face.

Jax took that moment to step his way in between his mom and stepfather before things got any worse.

"What the hell is going on here?” Jax questioned, eying his mother and Clay.

“Why don’t you ask her?” Clay grunted, nodding his head Gemma’s way.

“You are _pathetic_.” Gemma snapped, before turning and walking away, leaving more questions unanswered.

* * *

A little over an hour after the incident at _CaraCara_ , everyone took a time out before finding themselves back at _Teller-Morrow_. While Jax went to have an impromptu Church meeting with the guys, Lena found herself making her way into Gemma’s office, where she spotted the matriarch sitting behind her desk, going through paperwork.

“Hey, Gem,” Lena gave her a small smile, standing awkwardly at the door.

Gemma looked up from her paperwork, removing her glasses. "Hey, baby,“ she returned the smile. "Come in.”

Lena stepped fully inside the office, shutting the door behind herself. Gemma then stood up to meet her, pulling her into a hug, and Lena immediately felt comforted.

“What was that for?” Lena questioned, the moment they pulled away.

Gemma shrugged, shoved her hands in the back of her jean pockets. "You looked like you could use one.“

"I’m not the one who put on that dysfunctional car show earlier today.” Lena smirked, teasing Jax’s mother. Gemma just playfully rolled her eyes. "What’s going on between you and Clay?“

"It’s called _marriage_ , honey.” Gemma gave a nonchalant shrug, before turning heel and heading over to her coffee pot pouring herself a cup.

Lena didn’t believe that for a second. "Gem, I’ve seen you and Clay fight many times before. This was something different.“

This time the Queen of bikers released a heavy sigh. "It’s this damn car accident that’s got me on edge.” She explained, offering to make Lena a cup of coffee.

Lena declined the offer, taking a seat on the vacant couch. "What _about_ your accident?“

Gemma then made her way back over to Lena, taking a seat next to her. "I’m okay, physically. Got a little pain here and there; some stiff joints, but my goddamn head is trying to figure out why it happened.”

Lena knew what Gemma meant by that. Although, their situations were a bit different. "But is why Clay so upset?“

Gemma huffed, taking a sip of her coffee. "He’s being Clay. The moment I don’t talk to him about something, he thinks the goddamn world is out to get him. So, everything okay with you?”

Lena nodded. "Yeah, I’m good.“

"Your face healed up nicely.” Gemma commented, taking another sip from her cup. "You still don’t remember anything from that night?“

Lena swallowed thickly, this time shaking her head. "Nope, still a big blur.”

Gemma looked at the young woman, she’d hoped one day to be her future daughter in law, incredulously, but let it go. She knew the girl was hiding something, but she wasn’t going to push it. She then stood to her feet to dump her now empty cup into the trash can.

“So, you and Jax seemed to be getting along okay.” Lena could hear practically hear the smile coming from Gemma.

Lena felt the embarrassment rise up her neck. "Yeah, since the mugging, Jax has been pretty incredible.“

Gemma turned back to face Lena, now folding her arms across her chest. "Are you two working things out?”

Lena went to speak, but the sound of the phone in the office started to ring.

“Hang on.” Gemma told her, reaching across her messy desk to grab the phone from the receiver. " _Teller-Morrow_.“ She answered. Lena then noticed Gemma’s whole demeanor changed, as she rolled her amber eyes in annoyance. "Okay, I will let him know.” She quickly hung up.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Gemma nodded. "That was _CaraCara_. Miss _Double Penetration_ needs a ride.“

That set off Lena’s agitation, once more, at who Gemma was speaking about. "Let me guess, she wants Jax to give it to her?”

Again, Gemma nodded, swiping her blonde streaked bangs from her face, before stepping away to inform her son that he was needed.

* * *

Lena stayed behind at the garage, while Jax left to pick up Ima from the porn studio. The whole time he was gone, it slowly ate away at her that Jax was going to be Ima’s personal escort. She knew he was doing it for the club, but she wasn’t going to lie and say that she was completely fine with it. She actually down right hated the idea.

Lena peered through the blinds of the office window, the moment Jax finally pulled up with Ima in tow. She watched as the porn whore was the first to hop off of Jax’s bike. Lena could see the bitch was laying it on thick with Jax, and it felt like a gut punch to the stomach.

“Are you sure you’re okay with that _thing_ pushing up on Jax?”

Lena looked over her shoulder and found Gemma making her way back into the office after returning a vehicle to a client.

“Not really, Lena huffed, "but I’m not exactly in the position to start making demands. Jax and I are barely starting over. If you could even call it that.” She then looked back out the window just to see Ima plant a kiss on Jax’s lips. " _Fuckin_ ’ bitch.“ She hissed in annoyance.

"Listen, sweetheart,” Gemma began, “if you love Jax, then you need to lock that shit down. These bitches think he’s free dick.”

Lena gave a dry chuckle. "That hadn’t stopped them or even _him_ before.“

"You gotta educate them.” Gemma continued to explain. "Set those bitches, especially _that_ gash, straight. Everyone sees it and knows it.“

Lena looked back at Gemma with a furrowed brow. "You mean like hit her?”

“Kick, scratch, whatever…”

Lena sighed heavily, shutting the blinds. "Gemma, my cat fighting days are over. I’m too old for that shit.“

"I guess we’ll see.” Gemma gave Lena a knowing smirk. The same one she gave Lena that day when Tara’s Cutlass turned into an art project.

Lena just rolled her eyes at Jax’s mom and hastily made her exit out of the office.

* * *

Pulling up the driveway of Jax’s house, Jax parked his bike behind Lena’s Mustang and turned off the engine.

Lena quickly hopped off, removing the helmet and handing it back to Jax. Jax followed suit.

“You’re quiet,” Jax spoke, setting his helmet on the handle of his bike. "You okay?“

Lena nodded, barely looking at Jax, "yeah,” then she thought about it, shaking her head, “actually, no, Jax. I’m not okay.”

Jax sighed, sitting back down on his bike. "Talk to me, babe, tell me what’s going on? Is this about that shit with Ima?“

Lena swallowed, hating herself for feeling this way. "Yeah, Jax, it is. If you and me are gonna try again, I need to be able to trust you.”

Jax nodded, fixing the hat on his head. "I understand that, Lee. Ima is just business for the club. I don’t want _her_. I want _you_. I’ll always want you.“

Lena sighed heavily, fighting the emotions running through her head. She then took a deep breath, looking straight at Jax. "Okay, but this is it, Jax. Please don’t hurt me again.”

Jax then stood to his feet, his sparkling, steel blues bored down into Lena’s bright brown ones. He then slowly cupped her face in her hands. Relief sat in the pit of his stomach when she didn’t reject him.

Lena focused on the way Jax made her feel over the tension she was feeling in his hold. She allowed him to press his mouth against hers in a soft kiss. That initial tension she was feeling, slowly began to melt away.

As their kiss deepened, hot and breathy, Lena even surprised herself, as she raised her arms to wrap around Jax’s neck. She was slowly starting to feel somewhat back to normal.

As normal as someone who’d been what she’d been through could be.

Jax was the first to pull away, setting his forehead against hers, as they both took each other in.

When they both fully pulled away from each other, Jax grabbed Lena’s hands in his. He was still half waiting for her refuse him, but she didn’t and gave her a wide smile.

“What are you smiling for?”

Jax shrugged, still smiling. "I guess I’m just happy.“ He leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers again.

Lena giggled softly, when Jax pulled away. She reached up to run a soothing hand across his bearded cheek. Jax, in return, kissed the inside of her palm.

"I gotta take care of some club shit.” Jax said, and he noticed the look on Lena’s face. "It’s nothing to do with Ima. Just other club shit. I promise.“

Lena nodded, the relief washed through the pit of her stomach. "Okay.”

Jax still held onto one of Lena’s hands, and he never wanted to let go. "Actually, there is a wrap part tonight at _CaraCara_. The club has to make an appearance. You should come.“

That relief in her gut immediately turned sour. She remembered the last time Jax invited her to a club party, she’d ended up in a horrific situation. But she knew that she couldn’t dwell on it anymore. She was taking huge steps today, and maybe facing something like this will continue to help her move forward.

Lena swallowed thickly, pushing all of her doubts to the back of her mind. "I’ll think about it.”

“Okay,” Jax nodded, leaning down to kiss her once more, before finally letting her go.

Lena watched as Jax hopped back on his bike, strapping on his helmet, starting the engine. He revved up the engine for a few seconds, giving Lena a wink, and finally backing out of the driveway. She then watched him take off from her sight.

* * *

Later that evening Lena found herself right back in Abel’s nursery, rocking the little boy to sleep. She knew she should have been with Jax at the moment at this so called wrap party that Luann was having at the studio, but she wasn’t so sure she should go.

She had talked herself into going to party when Jax first asked her, but then she had time to sit on it and thought that maybe it wasn’t such a good idea after all. She was just starting to get her feet wet with beginning to rejoin society again and giving Jax another chance. She didn’t know if a party with scantily clad dressed women and SAMCRO was pushing it a bit too far.

Lena released a heavy sigh, looking warmly down at the child in her arms. Abel yawned, and his eyes, that matched his father’s, began to slowly close. Once she knew that he was fully asleep, Lena stood from the rocking chair to place Abel in his crib. Not before placing a kiss on his rosy cheek.

“You’re _good_ with him.”

Lena heard someone way, as she turned to find Gemma making her way into the nursery.

“Hey, Gem, what are you doing here?”

“I’m here to relieve Neeta of her duties.” Jax’s mother replied, walking up to Abel’s crib, her eyes sparkling as she looked down at her sleeping grandson.

Lena stood there confused, folding her arms across her chest. "That’s not necessary, Gemma. I can stay and watch Abel.“

"You will do no such thing, sweetheart.” Gemma demurred, reaching into Abel’s crib and pulling his baby blue blanket over his sleeping form and setting a gentle hand on his belly. "There is a party going on tonight at the warehouse.“ She then looked over at Lena. "And you are going.”

Lena shifted uncomfortably. "Nah, I’m okay with staying here.“

"Sweetheart,” Gemma reached out to place a gentle hand on Lena’s shoulder, giving it a small squeeze. "Go be with Jax. Have some fun. And show that skinny tart you ain’t going no where.“

Lena thought on it for a few seconds, before finally giving in. Gemma pulled her in for a quick hug, before she was shooed out of Abel’s nursery.

* * *

Jax was all smiles as he squeezed his way through the mass of half naked porn stars and his brothers who had been partaking in the heavenly festivities. He shouldn’t have been all smiles, though, considering the shit that they were in. From learning more intel about this white nationalist prick, Ethan Zobelle, to blowing up Darby’s Charming cook shop, and finding out that his best friend had a possible death wish, Jax should definitely not be smiling.

What had Jax smiling was the simple reason he wasn’t engaging any of the available pussy that was on display tonight. He was finally back with Lena, and he was going to make damn sure he won’t fuck it up again.

Carry two foamy beers in plastic cups, Jax approached Opie, who was sulking in one of the producer’s chairs.

"This shit’s crazy huh?” Jax questioned, gesturing out to the studio of porn stars and MC members. He then handed Opie a cup, before joining him in the next available seat.

Opie accepted the cup, nodding and taking a huge swallow of his beer.

Jax looked over at his best friend —his patched brother with concern. He knew that Opie hadn’t been right since Donna’s death, and he no idea how to help. "So, uh,“ he took sip of his drink, "I heard you went a little cowboy at that Mayan thing a few weeks ago. Then that thing with the explosives…”

Opie released a deep, irritated breath. "I don’t have a death wish, man.“

"Well, you got something.” Jax countered.

“I’ve got the club, I’m just throwing myself into it.” Opie answered, finishing off the rest of his beer.

Jax sighed, knowing that his best friend was in deeper shit than he led on. "You got kids, Ope. Just don’t throw yourself too far, brother.“

Opie then looked over at Jax and saw the genuine concern his best friend had for him. "I promise I won’t.” He replied, and Jax gave him a nod. "So, what’s going on with you Lena? She’s been staying at your house, right?“

Again Jax nodded. "Yeah. It’s been a couple of rough months since the mugging, but it seems like we might be back on the right track.”

“Well, that’s good to hear, brother.” Opie replied, with another nod of his own head. "She’s good for you, man.“

"I know she is.” Jax agreed, smiling. "I’m going to try not to fuck it up this time.“

"Well, then you better move quick.”

Jax looked at Opie confused until he looked in the direction his best friend was now pointing. He quickly noticed that Lena had finally arrived, but she was now standing face to face with the current bane of his existence.

Ima _fucking_ Tite.

“Shit.” Jax quickly stood his feet, spilling beer over himself in the process. But of course, he didn’t care. He just needed to get to Lena and Ima before there was bloodshed.

* * *

Wrapping her arms around herself, Lena walked into the studio cautiously bypassing the other party goers. She was feeling slightly uncomfortable and a bit intimidated by the entire scene. She had been to SAMCRO parties in the past and never had any troubles with them. I mean aside from the skanks who threw themselves at every patched member, especially her patched member. But since what happened to her, happened after she left a SAMCRO party, her feelings had changed.

Lena just swallowed down the fear, and persevered on. She had quickly spotted Jax amongst the crowd, sitting next to Opie. As she tried to make her way over to him, she was immediately stopped by the Queen whore herself.

“This is a _closed_ party.” Ima jumped up from her throne, stepping in front of Lena.

Lena rolled her eyes in annoyance. "I’m looking for Jax.“

"Honey, he has got _all_ he can handle tonight.” The porn star jeered, with a smug look on her face.

Lena felt the urge to wipe that look with her fist, but she fought it. Again, she wasn’t going to play Ima’s little games. Not tonight anyway. "I’m sure he does.“ She stood her ground.

"I said,” Ima stepped closer, when she noticed that Lena wasn’t going anywhere, “ _get_ out, bitch. What part of that is so hard to comprehend?”

Lena drew a deep breath, the urge to drag this bitch tingling in her fingertips. "How ‘bout you get the _fuck_ out of my face, before I mop the floor with you and your cheap ass extensions?“

Lena watched Ima’s face falter in fear for a split second when her flock of equally skanky friends stepped up behind her. Again, Lena rolled her eyes at Ima’s back up when she just stepped back and turned heel. She knew it was a bad idea to come here tonight.

"That’s _right_!” Lena heard Ima taunt behind her back. "You _better_ run, you little skank.“

Lena made her way into the nearest bathroom, slamming the door shut in the process. She rushed up to the sink, taking several deep breaths, trying to calm her agitation. Then there was a sudden knock on the door.

"I’ll be out in a minute.” Lena stressed, not feeling any less irritated.

She was ten seconds from storming back out there to give Ima the ass whooping she so well deserved, despite her back up. But as she turned to door, Jax was then making his way inside the bathroom.

“Lee, babe, don’t let her get to you.” Jax said leisurely walking up to Lena.

“I knew I shouldn’t have come here.” Lena muttered to herself, before looking up at Jax. "Did you let her get to _you_?“

Jax sighed heavily, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I told you earlier, it’s just business—”

Lena had no idea what came over her. She barely let Jax finish his sentence, before she angrily shoved him back. Hard. She knew that Jax was surprised by it by the look on his face. He tried to approach her again, and she gave him another hard shove.

Lena shocked the both of them, as she then forcibly ripped Jax’s flannel open, the sound of the buttons scattering across linoleum floor.

Whatever happened next was all a blur.

Lena hadn’t expected for her first time since her assault and her and Jax to re-consummate their relationship in the dirty of bathroom of a porn studio. But there she was, as Jax had her hoisted up on the sink, her leggings and panties balled on the floor, while he fucked her senseless.

Lena tried not to let the fear of her assault consume the way Jax was making her feel in this moment, his hips moving unbridled against hers. And to prove it, she let out a body shuddering moan, when Jax hit that right spot.

Lena closed her eyes, continuing to let herself just feel, instead of think. Because she knew if she started thinking, that night would come crashing back into her, and she just wanted it all to just disappear. She missed this. She missed being with Jax like this. She was done with letting those bastards control her.

The moment she opened her eyes, feeling her climax approaching, Lena looked over at the bathroom door. She spotted Ima, standing there, shock and disgust written on her face. Lena felt victorious, watching the little porn slut tinker back off to where she came from. It was just in time, as Lena’s intense orgasm set off a frenzy through her body.


End file.
